Habibi Means Bless Your Heart. Tabs, Tues., Aug. 11, 2026
Tabs? Untranslatable.
Morning!
Here is your moment of Abdul El-Sayed stickin’ it to ‘em, this time to his opponent Mike Rogers by using the Arabic term “habibi” to mean “bless your heart.” Brutal.
And here is Pete Hegseth rubbing his hands through his snot and putting it in his hair.
Aside from how disgusting he is, do y’all notice how utterly like shit Hegseth looks? Like, he doesn’t look well. Or sober. Is this what losing a war anybody could have told you is unwinnable looks like?
Oh well anyway, now we know how he gives his hair its trademark “Pepé le Pew fucking a distressed seagull in the middle of an oil spill” sheen.
Iran declares it’s not going to negotiate with Trump anymore, says it’ll just wait until a real president is sworn in, in 2029. [News 18]
Try to picture Donald Trump’s big lump body hiding in the airport catering container so they could sneak him off Air Force One to depart Turkey on a different plane, because of threats from Iran. They left the press corps on the plane as bait, of course. [New York Times gift link]
Did you know know they’re doing a special IndyCar grand prix event for Emperor Late Stage Brain Syphilis, and they’ll be closing Reagan National Airport for three hours so the senile old bitch can bounce up and down and clap his hands for race car day? [New York Times gift link]
Yesterday Donald Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., backed by no science more sound that what right-wing mommies read on YouTube when they’re “doing their own research,” issued an executive order with new recommendations for the vaccine schedule for children, and both babbled all kinds of unscientific bullshit. For instance, here is RFK Jr., an ignorant piece of human detritus, saying something changed in the 1990s, because it’s an “absurdity” to suggest we’re just “noticing” autism more, that if that were the case we’d be ‘noticing” it among adults. (We are noticing it among adults. Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a conversation with anyone in your family about how if there was more science when you were younger, you or somebody in your family would have been diagnosed. RFK Jr. might not have had that conversation with his family because he’s more interested in things like whale cum, and because his family hates him.
TWO-LITER VACCINES POURED INSIDE YOUR BABY!
More on the executive order here. [CNBC]
Bill Cassidy is distraauuuuuuuught about Trump’s executive order. Bill Cassidy is always distraught over things he could have personally prevented but didn’t.
Lauren Boebert’s son was arrested for sexual exploitation of child, huh, sounds like another Republican family of winners. [Colorado Politics]
MEGYN KELLY IS NOT GONNA FORGIVE THAT BITCH AOC FOR MAKING ALL THE KIDS GET THEIR PENISES CUT OFF. AND THIS BITCH THINKS SHE CAN BE PRESIDENT? [Media Matters]
The girl version of Lindsey Graham (the one that’s not dead) knows your pain, also buys steak when it’s on sale. [JoeMyGod]
This Brandi Carlile song is absolutely flooring me lately.
OK more stories when we do some!
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Goat babies! Your hed gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/stout-goat-kidlets
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/3727dca2-3b07-46c7-ba89-494e2f49aba2?utm_source=share
I hate when I bring my baby in for vaccines and then he comes back all bloated up to the size of a beach ball. Because gallons of vaccines put into babies is obviously a real thing that definitely happens.
But the upside is, free beach ball! I take my bloated babies to sports events and let 'em loose over the crowd.