He Really Don't Care, Do U? Tabs, Fri., March 27, 2026

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Good morning, happy Friday, it’s time for your tabs!

Well uh um hmmmm.

BREAKING: Democrats still haven’t folded yet?! Is a pig flying out of my ass??? I can’t even read any further than this first half of this first sentence because LOLOLOLOL: “Senate Republicans on Wednesday accused Democrats of not engaging in good-faith negotiations” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. (NOTUS) In the meantime, Trump is signing an EO directing new Homeland Security Secretary (sigh) Markwayne Waynemark to start paying the TSA agents, which is probably illegal, but anyway everyone else is getting paid so.

Okay. (Reuters)

It is fun to see Bari Weiss fail! (Everything Is Horrible)

This is a very strange story about Tova Noel, the rookie guard on duty when Jeffrey Epstein “killed himself.” How did such a gifted young woman end up a prison guard? (I am not intimating by that that she was chosen ahead of time to go and murder him, at all. I am genuinely distressed for her.) (Gift link Julie K. Brown at the Miami Herald)

ANOTHER Meta judgment? Sure this one’s only $3 million instead of $375 million, but seems like they could add up vite. (People) Thom Hartmann says we should be scared of that $375 million judgment too, since Meta’s price actually rose five percent after the verdict came down :/ (Hartmann Report) Meanwhile, Mike Masnick says we’re all wrong to be cheering this even though they are bad and it is great if they feel bad, because Internet. Mike Masnick knows stuff, I might reconsider my glee. (Techdirt) Pretty sure he’d let me like this one though! (Reuters)

Man, Kari Lake can’t even dismantle the Voice of America right! (Our Liz at Public Notice)

Wonkpal Denny Carter says we live in “a society” and “shouldn’t be antisocial,” pfft as if. (Bad Faith Times)

Speaking of antisocial, Trump’s lost the men :( No, I mean it. He’s lost white men, who are disapproving of him at 63 percent! (Status Kuo)

Unfortunately, according to this one Supreme Court decision Robyn always has flames on the side of her face about, the NYPD, when it says it is under no obligation to protect a woman from a violent mob, is right. (Gothamist)

40 Elections to Watch This April? Oh indispensable Bolts mag, that’s too many elections! (Bolts mag)

I’m going here for my anniversary I mean my required by law annual corporate shareholders meeting (lol) for Commie Girl Industries Inc, you guys can suck it. (Yes, there will be a Wonkparty in SF, mark your calendars for Monday, Nov. 30!) (Capo Creek Winery)

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Oooh this Saturday’s Wonkette Movie Night is a good one! Join your friend ZiggyWiggy at 9 p.m. to watch Drunken Master. It is available for free with ads on The Roku Channel and Tubi. Free on YouTube.

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Your friend Callyson hipped us to Bookshop.org: the anti-Amazon, a certified B-corp partnering with local bookstores. Here’s our Bookshop affiliate link, when you buy books, we get a taste!

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Yes I’m going to be shilling this fundraiser all month. Support the girls’ Detroit public elementary school and buy some pizza (pizza). Little Caesar’s will ship the incredibly convenient pizza kits right to your home! Swear to god it is worth having these in your freezer, I was sad when we finally ate all ours last year. (Pizza Pizza)

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