HELLO CLARICE. Tabs, Wed., Jan. 31, 2024

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Fuck it, let’s start with Mom 4 Liberty Clarice Schillinger and her horror movie nightmare of a locked-in-the-basement teen “party,” where this lunatic was having them play beer pong WITH VODKA, for Jesus and America too. It’s like the Palin Family Brawl but actually way, way worse? (Philly Burbs / Talking Points Memo / Philly Inquirer)

New Trump corrupx just dropped. — The Messenger

Ohhhhh the New York Times’s Bret Stephens is probably rethinking his defense of Trump in the E. Jean Carroll defamation (II? III?) trial ohhhhh. (Popehat)

David Corn went at it with Rich Lowry, who thinks Trump is very bad indeed, but did you see all the policy that Joe Biden did that Rich Lowry thinks is just as bad as setting a mob to murder his own vice president? BRB gonna reread my Al Franken (Wonkette cut link). (Mother Jones)

The US economy is the strongest in the world right now, because Joe Biden and Democrats put money in people’s hands instead of that austerity bullshit. Let’s try to remember that next time, just kidding, we’re Americans we don’t do “remember that.” — Gift link Washington Post

Joe Biden’s economy vs. Donald Trump’s economy by the numbers, even if you take out “pandemic”: What the fuck is wrong with people’s brains? — Washington Monthly

Alina Habba still yelling in the street like a crazy person. (Liz at Above the Law) And Liz’s Law and Chaos podcast now a go!

The times Trump forgot he was supposed to proclaim he didn’t do it, his deep friendship with the appalling apparent rapist Vince McMahon (among others), and the MAGA Right’s joy in putting women in their place through raping them. — Amanda Marcotte in Salon

Pffft no way the president of One America News (OAN) would have done a CRIME and trafficked in stolen Smartmatic employee passwords, no way! (CNN)

Police raided gay bars in the year of our lord 2024 in the city of our lord Seattle, Washington, and (pregnant ladies and children, please leave the room) found jock straps and nipples. — The Stranger

The Kraft singles bar. It’s a floor wax and a dessert topping! (Spatchcock)

SER and Robyn offer you this gift in their bereavement. Chita Rivera, 1933-2024.

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I just want to throw Wonkette some money!