414 Comments
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Cthulhu's avatar

Pretty sure that's NOT what "Winning Hearts and Minds" means, Vladdie.

The Mighty Ox's avatar

"Greetings and hello, slack-jawed American ninnyhammers of Wonkette! It is I, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, back to make the talk to you. It has been some time since we spoke, da?"

"Hola amigos! Been a long time since I rapped at ya." --Jim Anchower, The Onion Commentary Staff.

Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

This is what happens when empire has to keep pretending the meat grinder is a patriotic wellness program.

Putin wants everyone to believe the soldiers are fine, the supply lines are glorious, the parade is totally normal, and any missing military equipment is merely practicing humility off-camera.

Authoritarians always do this. The war is not a war. The losses are not losses. The starving troops are not starving. The disaster is actually a strategy, and if you notice otherwise, congratulations, you have won an all-expenses-paid vacation to Siberia.

Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

On the plus side, Putin looks like death-warmed-over...

Tessie's avatar

"Also, please to be telling Sarah Palin to stop spying on Putin from porch of tacky house with binoculars and sending Friendski requests on decadent Book of Faces! Putin is telling her many times he is just not into her, but she is not being to listen. Thank you, I spit on you very much."

mzf's avatar

Sarah Palin? Who Sarah Palin? haven't heard that name since she had a slice of cheap pizza with the Donald (who probably made her split the cost) a century, or so, ago.

Jessica's avatar

The thing about SIGINT, which these reports essentially are, is that it tells you what they're saying to each other. It doesn't tell you whether they're using hyperbole (or wishful thinking) or flat out lying to each other. You have to work that out by other means. F'rinstance, everyone thought Rommel had less supplies than he really did because he was systematically under reporting supplies on hand in order to get OKW to send more

jaspersdad's avatar

After Sabres fans stepped up during the anthem mishap before Game 5 onTuesday night, Molson Canadian says it’s stepping up in return. Free beer is on the way Friday.

https://www.wgrz.com/article/sports/nhl/sabres/molson-canadian-buys-buffalo-sabres-round-beer-viral-o-canada-moment/71-3f2c1689-3076-410d-8819-ee1ac4812d77

D Cohen's avatar

just great. made me laugh.

Han Shot First's avatar

These posts always crack me up.

Bagels of Doom's avatar

The history of Russia is one of never ending human rights abuses and crises. This is just more of the same.

Captain Kraut's avatar

They are such a deeply traumatized people. And there seems no escape from the cycle of abuse for them, even what opposition remains seems fairly chauvinistic/nationalist.

Bagels of Doom's avatar

To be fair, I don't think that someone liberal would stand a chance. It's a mess.

satch's avatar

"Trust Me, Vladimir Putin, When I Promise Russian Soldiers Are Not Eating Each Other"

Although ve do encourage zat to cull weaklings from herd...

amdancks's avatar

Ah, Comrade Gary, is good that you share with feeble Westerners this telling of truths. Спасибо!

Also important that reader persons who laugh are falling from windows or in other ways visited in dark hours by your Department of Justice -- is funny name, yes? -- or Secrecy Service. Laughter only for when Vladimir making funniness ... as joke about King Donald seeming like worthy successor to Romanov monarchs in soon-being-reborn Russian empire.

До свидания!

Mexfiles's avatar

From a British paper (owned by the Murdock family) via a Ukrainian source? Count me skeptical... while certainly, there are likely logistics "issues" for the Russians, and likely the war (or whatever euphemism equivalent to whatever ones used by other aggressor states like the US in Iran use) is not going the way Putin and his administration would like, the story still comes down to the popular European trope of the "Asiatic barbarian hordes" that have been floated at least since the Napoleonic wars.

Always Be Ithacating's avatar

I am more pleased than I would have expected to think of Putin as a Wallace and Gromit fan. Who doesn't understand it.

Rachael's avatar

Maybe they're only eating the ones that have accidentally fallen out of windows?

Always Be Ithacating's avatar

It's raining men, as they say.