Here Is Your Birther Slap Fight, Starring Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Minions And Super-Heroine Orly Taitz

If you were feeling like you really weren't confused or exasperated enough yet today, Orly Taitz is here to help! It looks like there is trouble in birther paradise, what with one of Sheriff Joe's minions, Reverend Carl Gallups -- whose website helpfully offers you a guide to determine whether you are in a cult -- asking our favorite perpetually aggrieved dentist-lawyer to step off, motherfucker, because her perpetual litigation machine is interfering with the INCREDIBLY TRUE SHOCKING news that Sheriff Joe and Company will be releasing very very soon, or "in a month and change." Can you feel the excitement?

Writes our dear Reverend Gallups:  

I’m sure you also might have heard that Lt. Zullo is preparing to release his some evidence that will truly be universe-shattering, and the knowledge we have is truly something you’re not going to be ready for.

This will absolutely, definitely change the eligibility landscape by 10,000%.

Mike has asked me to communicate with you that the new evidence – which, let me tell you, is so all-encompassingly gigantic, so incredibly huge – that we were hoping we could ask you to cooperate on one front.

Now, since we’ve all been vindicated 1,000% on the birth certificate issue, since Lt. Zullo’s forensic investigation has been so comprehensive, it’s really irrelevant compared to the new, shocking & completely emasculating evidence. The birth certificate is truly no longer of any real concern.

And we feel that way also about the Social Security Number issue.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod WHAT COULD IT BE? We want to be shocked and awed and emasculated and universe-shattered by your news. Tell us, Reverend Carl! Oh wait, you will not tell us yet because first you have to tell Orly Taitz to please shut up. 

[W]e would like to request that you stand down with regard to your ongoing court cases, which appear to have already run their course, you must admit. I cannot overstate the importance that your cooperation will bring to the disclosure of this essential information.

If so, we’d request that these court proceedings be respectfully closed by March 19, when Lt. Zullo and Sheriff Arpaio and I will make our announcement. And believe me – it’s going to be the most incredible, universe-shattering thing you’ve ever heard!

Our dear Orly will not be so easily swayed from the path of truth, justice, and the birther way. Many have sought to discredit her noble crusade, including every court she has ever been in front of, and she is not going to be deterred by some johnny-come-lately birthers like Sheriff Joe's Scooby Doo gang. Orly lays out her argument in a thoughtful, organized, completely comprehensible way as always.

I don’t know if this comment is indeed from Carl Gallops, it looks like it is from him, however there were multiple promises from Mr. Gallops and Mr. Zullo before, everyone expected a criminal case against Obama to be officially submitted by Sheriff Arpaio to the DA, AG, US Attorney and Judiciary Committee of Congress before the election, it did not happen, even though Sheriff Arpaio had according to his own admission a 100% evidence of Obama using fabricated IDs. I do not know what earth shattering announcement you are planning to make next month, on March 19. Even if you make some announcement, it is just that, an announcement. In order to turn it into action, there has to be a ruling by the judge. You already stated that sheriff Arpaio is not planning to submit a criminal case. as such I am the only attorney who has on-going challenges in trial courts against Obama and Sheriff Arpaio needs to forward to me whatever evidence he has. This is an utter stupidity and insanity to even suggest dismissing on-going cases, as this is the only vehicle to turn any evidence into an enforceable decision.

We apologize for that wall of text, but YOU try summarizing Orly Taitz some time. We defy you to be able to paraphrase anything the woman says, because to do so would require you to understand exactly what she is saying, which is impossible. We do know, however, that besides calling Sheriff Joe and Friends stupid and insane, she throws in a casual "oh hey, by the way, will prosecute you for treason if you don't go my way" because that is how you talk to your fellow travelers and ensure solidarity.

Regardless of what is his earth shattering announcement is, Sheriff Arpaio is obligated to release a sworn affidavit by Reed Hayes immediately, so I can submit it to court by Friday. If he is not doing this, he can be ultimately prosecuted for obstruction of Justice, violation of civil rights of 320 million Americans under the color of authority and complicity to fraud, forgery and treason.

Orly certainly does have a way of making friends and influencing people, doesn't she? If this whole suing Obama thing doesn't work out for her, she's got a great future as a motivational speaker. No matter what, Orly Taitz will always land on her feet.

[ Orly Taitz ]