Discover more from Wonkette
Here Is Your Place For Jibbering And Jabbering About Tonight's Election Results!
Abortion, abortion, the old man is snore-tion!
It’s election night! In an off year! Aw hell yeah, democracy on the move!
And the story of today is ABORTION. Over at Politico Playbook, they are asking questions like they’re brand fucking new here, like oh, does abortion STILL matter to voters? Or did they just forget about how Samuel Alito is sitting inside their underpants screaming at them?
We will find out! But remember that every time voters have gone to the polls since Roe fell, they have voted to jam a speculum in the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court’s general direction. Shall it continue?
Have you subscribed to Wonkette today?
In Ohio, a red state, they vote tonight on Issue 1, to put a constitutional right to abortion in the state’s constitution. In response the religious Right has been lying about literally anything and everything to trick voters into thinking voting against it wouldn’t actually ban abortion. (Ohio is also voting on getting potted up on weed, legally.)
In Virginia, abortion isn’t directly on the ballot, except it is, because if the fascists get the state Senate, they’ll have the trifecta they need to ban abortion. But if the Democrats instead have a good night, then hey fuck those fascists!
In Kentucky they’re voting on a governor. Can they keep their nice Democratic one? (Abortion is a big issue here too, because the nice Democratic governor Andy Beshear supports abortion rights.)
In Mississippi they’re voting on a governor. Can they dickpunch their shithead Republican one Tate Reeves and pick nice 46-year-old man named Brandon Presley who, bless his heart, looks like he’s 64? (“Abortion” doesn’t really factor in there because Presley is “pro-life,” though we guess his proposed exceptions for rape, incest, and the life of the mother are the big “liberal” stance … Jesus Christ, Mississippi.)
Those are the main ones we guess. But they’re all pretty big main ones! And we’re guessing a lot of people are going to be talking about whatever happens in Virginia.
Semafor tells you the exact TIMES to look for things happening, like with CLOCKS. This is a remarkable feat because after shitty fucking Daylight Saving happened this weekend, no American alive knows what time it is.
And if you want to nerd out on election numbers as they come in, and sound real smart to your husband by screaming things like “WELL WE WON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING UNTIL LOUDOUN COUNTY STARTS TO REPORT,” then follow this amazing Twitter list of “Numbers Peeps.” We’d say we created it for you, but that would make us a liar like Kayleigh McEnany.
Josh Marshall from TPM made it. It’s his list.
OK well anyway, goodbye now!
Talk about the results and who fucked up all the polling again below in the comments!
Wonkette is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.