OK, people, you know how this works. Here is a photograph. (Look up, dummies.) You will attempt to write a caption for it in the comments, which we do not allow. You will probably suck at it, because whenever we give you fun photos to caption, you write the worst goddamned captions imaginable, we would fire all of you if we could, sheesh. And no, we do not understand what your problem is, you are so funny all the other times in the comments, which we do not allow. Why else do you think we keep you around?
Bill "I talked to Bush H. W. and he thought about coming, but he knew that meant Jr. would want to tag along, and he doesn't want to hang with that idiot either."
"I've never seen anything that shriveled in my life, Jimmy! Did working with nukes do that, or was it the peanuts?" "Neither one--it was the goddamned rabbit!"
Okay, finally my turn. Craziest place to do it? Well, there was this time my lady friend, I mean Hillz and I got it going in the White House press room after hours. Had to throw a blanket over Helen Thomas first.
"So he figured the door was open this time and get this, Dubya smacked into the sliding glass door! The funniest part? He had already run into that door not five minutes before and left a mark!"
Snapped at the 23rd second of a demonstration of Carter's genius mechanism for diplomacy: The Droning Squeaker fart.
At second 1-2: Clinton & Obama: Eyes widen with surprise and then narrow with recognition; Carter adopts a Thousand Yard Stare as he summons immense concentration to pull off the mesmerizing display.
Second 3-5: Bemused disbelief from all, but for different reasons.
Second 6-9: Clinton & Obama: Laughter and appreciation, all men and most women enjoy a lengthy, audible toot. Especially one with "personality"; Carter's eyelids begin to flutter.
Second 10-17: Clinton & Obama: Feelings of alarm and deep concern; Inner Monologue: 'Is this one of those "Signs Of Stroke" things from that Facebook infograph?'; Carter's eyes roll up into his head as he continues to sustain a consistently droning, reedy, pitch-perfect exhaustion of flatulence.
Second 18-21: Clinton & Obama: Powerful Men Egos, recognizing apparent genius in this bombastic Gift To Humanity, begin to balk and tug and wonder what they can do to top this... Or at least take partial credit and bask in its adulatory glow for several news cycles. Carter: Palpable ecstasy radiates as it's clear to any halfwit in the room who can see his face that there are things that happen in this universe that are unexplainable and perfect. (And everyone is looking at his face--like it's the Holy Ghost coming out of the Ark in 'Raiders'--beautiful, devastating, worth it.)
Second 22-23: Clinton & Obama: Hysterical laughter. More. Again. The star ignites as critical mass is attained and fusion begins. The stellar radiation blows and sweeps out all dusty essence of ego and self from the system. Unity of shared purpose and the pure electricity of harmonic being remains, after immaterial feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are boiled away by the shining enlightenment.
Second 24: Carter achieves a state of transcendence previously unknown to humankind. All mass in his body instantaneously converts to love energy (not heat and light energy), and his spiritual encoding transmits to another plane of existence more appropriate for Gods.
"I really AM Kenyan!"
We always choke on the test.
Oh...he's black(?)
I know they said you were the antichrist Barack, but that's impossible because I am the antichrist.
That's what she said!
I kinda skimmed past this the first time through, but seriously dude that is one hella caption!
Bill "I talked to Bush H. W. and he thought about coming, but he knew that meant Jr. would want to tag along, and he doesn't want to hang with that idiot either."
"I've never seen anything that shriveled in my life, Jimmy! Did working with nukes do that, or was it the peanuts?" "Neither one--it was the goddamned rabbit!"
Likewise, man.
I guess tenderly caressing each other's carats will have to suffice now.
Which one of you took what was left here? Is that any way to treat a guest?
and then I said: "This paper cigar ring -- I wonder if anybody has ever been able to blow it off a cigar, or something."
Okay, finally my turn. Craziest place to do it? Well, there was this time my lady friend, I mean Hillz and I got it going in the White House press room after hours. Had to throw a blanket over Helen Thomas first.
Snapped right after a reporter asks, "The GOP is threatening to impeach you for Benghazi again Mr. President, care to comment?"
"So he figured the door was open this time and get this, Dubya smacked into the sliding glass door! The funniest part? He had already run into that door not five minutes before and left a mark!"
"…so the Democrat said, "The funny thing is, we're the only serious people in DC!"…"
Snapped at the 23rd second of a demonstration of Carter's genius mechanism for diplomacy: The Droning Squeaker fart.
At second 1-2: Clinton & Obama: Eyes widen with surprise and then narrow with recognition; Carter adopts a Thousand Yard Stare as he summons immense concentration to pull off the mesmerizing display.
Second 3-5: Bemused disbelief from all, but for different reasons.
Second 6-9: Clinton & Obama: Laughter and appreciation, all men and most women enjoy a lengthy, audible toot. Especially one with "personality"; Carter's eyelids begin to flutter.
Second 10-17: Clinton & Obama: Feelings of alarm and deep concern; Inner Monologue: 'Is this one of those "Signs Of Stroke" things from that Facebook infograph?'; Carter's eyes roll up into his head as he continues to sustain a consistently droning, reedy, pitch-perfect exhaustion of flatulence.
Second 18-21: Clinton & Obama: Powerful Men Egos, recognizing apparent genius in this bombastic Gift To Humanity, begin to balk and tug and wonder what they can do to top this... Or at least take partial credit and bask in its adulatory glow for several news cycles. Carter: Palpable ecstasy radiates as it's clear to any halfwit in the room who can see his face that there are things that happen in this universe that are unexplainable and perfect. (And everyone is looking at his face--like it's the Holy Ghost coming out of the Ark in 'Raiders'--beautiful, devastating, worth it.)
Second 22-23: Clinton & Obama: Hysterical laughter. More. Again. The star ignites as critical mass is attained and fusion begins. The stellar radiation blows and sweeps out all dusty essence of ego and self from the system. Unity of shared purpose and the pure electricity of harmonic being remains, after immaterial feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are boiled away by the shining enlightenment.
Second 24: Carter achieves a state of transcendence previously unknown to humankind. All mass in his body instantaneously converts to love energy (not heat and light energy), and his spiritual encoding transmits to another plane of existence more appropriate for Gods.