Hey Wolf Blitzer, Why You Gotta Be So Mean To Poor Lincoln Chafee?

Fuck off.

Let's get a couple things out of the way right now. Lincoln Chafee ( D-Used To Be R, Then I ) is never going to be president -- of America, of Rhode Island, or of the Kiwanis Club. (OK, maybe the Kiwanis Club.) And he did BAD Tuesday night in the Democratic debate, it is true. When he wasn't standing there looking like the Guinness record-holder for World's Tallest Chicken, he was getting served awesome-sauce shade by Hillary Clinton, who, when asked if she would like to respond to Chafee's long diatribe about Iraq or something, just kind of smirked at the camera and said, "No." So OK, he is out of his league here.

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BUT WHY WOLF BLITZER GOTTA BEAT UP ON POOR LINC ? Of course, in the video you are about to see, the questions Wolf asks are reasonable , in that it's reasonable to ask a candidate polling at No Percent, with No Money, why he is still running. But does Wolf have to rub it in his face like that? Chafee seems like a sweet enough man who believes in his stuff (like Making America Great Again with the metric system ), so why we gotta make him feel so sad on live TV just because he is a total joke candidate and everyone knows it except for him?

Let's look at Blitzer's first question:

[ Wolf r eads some mean headlines about Chafee and continues ...] Here's what worries me, governor, that because of your distinguished career, you're gonna wind up looking silly if you keep going on like this. At what point will you decide, "You know what? There are other things for me to do instead of a futile effort to try to get the Democratic nomination?

Chafee responds with words about how he didn't get much time last night, and that "the establishment does not want to hear an anti-war voice," therefore it's very important for him to stick around to get that message out.

Next question, please:

Bernie Sanders is anti-war. He makes that case and he's generating a lot of support, he's raising millions and millions of dollars, and he's doing remarkably well. You're not, though. Right?

Lincoln Chafee, do you feel bad about how much you are not Bernie Sanders?

Chafee says no, because Bernie Sanders does not talk much about the foreigns or the Middle East or the wars (which is TRUE), so it's not fair to compare #FeelTheChafe to #FeelTheBern, and that leads to Wolf's final question:

So, at what point WILL you drop out?

Damn, Wolfette! This, from the same network that has been on all fours, slobbering all over Joe Biden's dick and offering him 72 virgins in heaven if only PRETTY PLEASE he will run for president. Why does CNN feel the need to kick poor Chafee out of the race, just because he sucks?

This just all contributes to mounting evidence that CNN is the worst:

• For instance, how the network suddenly decided the Tuesday debate would be at a different time from what was previously announced, and how the debate was LONG and how the Republican debate was OMG FUCKING KILL US NOW SO MUCH LONGER.

• Or what about how we have to endure dumbnuts Don Lemon telling us to stop Bill Cosby from raping us by biting him on the dick, and also how we should beat our kids, because hey, it worked for slaveowners! More examples? Did that Malaysian airplane get eated by a black hole?   DID JESUS EAT IT? Get off our televisions, you big fucking A Idiot.

• Oh look here, CNN sucked so bad in 2014, Wonkette wrote an entire post about CNN's Year Of Fuck-Ups. 

• And this. And this. And this. And this. Have we made our point?

Yes, we HAVE made our point. In summary, and in conclusion, CNN sucks as much hairy gopher rectum as Fox News, just in a different way, and Wolf Blitzer needs to STFU and be nicer to poor Lincoln Chafee. He will be gone from the race soon enough.

[ Washington Post ]