History's Biggest Dorks. Tabs., Mon., June 15, 2026
No, we're not laughing with you.
Monday morning, have some tabs:
So, Donald Trump’s big 80th birthday wrestlin’ guys bouncy house was last night at the White House. Seems like it was pretty cool.
Also cool? The melodramatic queen-out the White House had at the Weather Channel for reporting, um, the weather. Becaus you. DO! [SOB] NOT! [SOB] SAY! [SOB] IT’S! [SOB] GOING! [SOB] TO! [SOB] RAIN! [SOB] AT! [SOB] DEAR! [SOB] LEADER’S! [SOB] BIRTHDAY! [SOB] PARTY! [SOB]
Breaking from Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan, the clown Nazi Trump regime apparently more seriously considered suspending habeas rights for undocumented immigrants last year than anybody knew:
Speaking of the White House freakout over the Haberman/Swan book, Trump and his closest associates are reportedly terrified that somebody’s been recording inside the Situation Room — JD Vance? Somebody should point a finger at JD Vance, since we feel like we’ve been hearing rumors Trump doesn’t trust him anymore — and that’s why Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan had such exact quotes rom important Situation Room meetings like the Situation Room meeting about how to cover up the Epstein Files. “We're afraid some of our most sensitive conversations were being recorded," the regime told Axios. "And we have no idea which ones." Oh golly, what OTHER Situation Room crimes do they have on tape? [Axios]
Trump says he’s finished a deal with Iran, which would presumably get things right back where Barack Obama put them, before racist coward Trump tore up the Iran deal because his delicate feelings could not handle the fact (fact) that the Black man is superior to him, and better at negotiating, and better at being president, in every single fucking way.
LOL, he hereby fully authorizes the opening of the Strait.
Just kidding, he hereby fully authorizes FRIDAY.
Yes, they will sign the “deal” on Friday in Switzerland — it’s not a deal — and then they’ll start negotiating over Iran’s nuclear program, so this really is concepts of rumors of one day having a deal. So scratch what we said about Trump getting back to what Obama already did.
Trump will never measure up to what Obama already did, and this war will continue forever.
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Trump told the New York Times before his birthday party that the Strait will be “permanently toll-free,” like he’s trying to remake the New Jersey Turnpike. [New York Times]
More from that interview:
Mr. Trump also insisted that if Iran failed to reach a final nuclear accord with the United States — a process that his aides say they expect will begin on Friday in Switzerland — he would restart military attacks on Tehran or make the United States “the guardian of the Middle East” in return for 20 percent of the region’s revenues.
There is absolutely no deal.
Mr. Trump repeatedly compared his new memorandum of understanding to the 2015 agreement reached between President Barack Obama and Iran’s leadership, maintaining that his agreement would assure that Iran “cannot develop or purchase a nuclear weapon.” Iran agreed to that when it first ratified the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty in 1970, and reaffirmed that agreement on the first page of the Obama-era accord.
Oh my how fucking pathetic.
But Mr. Trump knows that the details will be compared with what the Obama administration negotiated, without launching a war that killed hundreds or thousands of Iranians (and more than a dozen Americans). It is clearly an issue that Mr. Trump is sensitive about: Just before calling The Times he posted a criticism of Senator Jack Reed, Democrat of Rhode Island, for suggesting that Mr. Obama got more out of his negotiation than Mr. Trump did.
“We negotiated from strength,” Mr. Trump said. “He was basically paying them off.”
If that’s what you little bitches want to call it. LOL.
Secretary Shitfaced Hegseth also tried that line on Face The Nation.
You know how Pete Hegseth is always doing things from a place of “strength.”
Hegseth also looked like a simpering fool child on the subject of the strait:
LMAO, sad.
It’s literally all because Barack Obama made Trump’s dick feel small.
Just wow.
More pathetic stories about these losers when they get here!
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It never fails… those racist fucknuts (Daydrunk Warfighter Hegseth is top among them) pulling out the old “stupid” or “low IQ” trope anytime they talk about a Black person. So jealous. So insecure. So pathetic.