Well, they did it. Republicans on the House Homeland Security Committee voted in the middle of the night last night to advance two articles of impeachment against Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. They did it because they are mad at “border invasion,” even though they won’t be supporting a border deal this year because Donald Trump needs to run on “border invasion,” therefore “border invasion” is not actually that important to them, turns out.
Also, impeaching the Democratic Homeland Security secretary is an effective way to show they hate brown people.
Also Donald Trump gave the order, and when he says jump, they just pogo stick into his butthole while saying “Wheeeeee!”
(The actual made-up charges are “willful and systemic refusal to comply with the law” and “breach of public trust,” in case you were wondering how vaguely they worded it so as to avoid having to actually come up with something to accuse Mayorkas of.)
It was a party line vote. Politico Playbook notes that GOP Rep. Ken Buck is leaning toward “no,” and Punchbowl adds Tom McClintock to that list. How big is Speaker Mike Johnson’s current majority in the House? One vote.
Regardless, it will be dead on arrival in the Senate. Oh sure, they might have to have a trial, but Democrats will just turn it into a campaign commercial for Joe Biden, because fuck House Republicans is why. This is nothing more than one of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s CrossFit workout armpit farts, come to life to harass us all. (Apparently Republicans think a Senate trial might redound to their benefit, even though they’ll lose. Literally every one of them was born with Dunning Kruger Syndrome.)
Of course, just like any Republican-led impeachment, there is no evidence of any crime or misdemeanor committed by Mayorkas, or anything resembling it. (Related: You gotta check out House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer last night telling Fox News that all the witnesses they’ve brought in have “had a hard time remembering the bad things” about Biden that Republicans want to hear. Hilarious.)
Playbook:
The WSJ editorial board is the latest GOP-friendly voice (joining JONATHAN TURLEY, ALAN DERSHOWITZ, MICHAEL CHERTOFF and others) to warn that impeachment is a bad idea, reiterating that “[a] policy dispute doesn’t qualify as a high crime and misdemeanor.” That indeed is the “emerging consensus among legal scholars”: There’s no impeachment-worthy evidence yet, NYT’s Karoun Demirjian reports.
But fuck it. These are not serious people, they are not good people, and they did not come here to govern or achieve things for the American people.
Therefore INPEACH!
(But really, when you have Turley, the shame of George Washington Law, and Dershowitz, who isn’t invited to any parties at Martha’s Vineyard, both saying a Republican-led impeachment is some freshly dropped horseshit, you aren’t winning.)
There were a couple fun moments in yesterday’s marathon hearing, though, and we’ll highlight a couple from Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell.
Swalwell explained that Republicans are doing this because they’ve “assembled a law firm, Insurrection LLP, and they’re working on behalf of one client,” AKA Donald Trump. “And they’re here every day to carry out his petty grievances.” He explained that Trump is upset that the border deal would help Joe Biden, therefore they need to take out the Homeland Security secretary.
That was when MAGA weenus GOP Rep. August Pfluger cut in to bellyache that the words “Insurrection LLP” be stricken from the record.
Swalwell asked, “Would you like LLC?”
And here is the clerk reading one of Swalwell’s EXTREMELY LONG amendments into the record. It is so great.
EXCERPT, which the clerk had to read, and then turn the page, and then read some more:
“Partisan Republicans are seeking to impeach Secretary Mayorkas for the following reasons: 1. Later this year, United States voters will choose a president for the next four years. Presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump is a narcissistic, hateful liar who was found by a court of law to have raped and defamed at least one woman. He is currently facing 91 criminal charges for a wide variety of alleged offenses, including a felony conspiracy to defraud the United States. He was twice impeached by the House of Representatives, including for inciting a violent insurrection. He is currently working to foment discord and perhaps civil war, encouraging Republican governors to order national guardsmen to take up arms against the federal government. In a fair election, he will lose, because the United States people prefer decent and honest civil servants like Joe Biden.”
And it just went on from there. (Rep. Robert Garcia also introduced amendments that were hilariously long and full of truth.)
Swalwell retweeted the above video, adding, “It's me, hi, I'm the problem…”
Rent-a-cop dumbfuck Louisiana Republican Clay Higgins was seemingly very upset by Swalwell’s amendment, tweeting, “Fang Fang’s boy Swalwell just introduced the most disgusting gutter trash language I’ve ever witnessed read aloud in the House of Representatives. His nastiness is reflective of very, very low character. The leftist elites are incredibly terrified of a 3rd Trump victory.”
Poor pumpkin sounds upset. Maybe he should go drive around a mall parking lot in a rent-a-cop outfit while he settles down.
Anyway, good Mayorkas impeachment, House Republicans. You’re all nailing it, no notes.
OPEN THREAD.
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Open Thread Chat Jan. 31. Harry the hunter, saved me from a very dangerous leaf.
https://substack.com/chat/1783367/post/36792150-5413-4d40-a93d-be3d0dbc0457