587 Comments
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Stephanie Strait's avatar

"Esleazious" was right there.

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kmblue187's avatar

The files were written by Obama and Hillary? What about Biden?

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lordpnut's avatar

Major biter, and I'm not talking about his dog.

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thephantomcheese's avatar

Biden too old to hold a pen, remember?

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onedollarjuana's avatar

But I bet Biden's Autopen wrote his part.

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Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Marcie. No notes.

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Pexas Teat's avatar

Epstein is always referred to as a "financier." Is that because it's not obvious where his money came from, like it would be for most people?

I assume he was bribing people like Dershowitz, British royalty, etc etc.

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Spleen Victoria's avatar

Financier is rich people for pimp and extortionist. Just like eccentric is rich people for bonkers.

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Jim Parker's avatar

Apparently, Ms. Maxwell is willing to testify. If that is so, some very bitter tea will be spilled. Also, if so, I believe Ms. Maxwell is in dire peril. If Mr. Epstein was able to "commit suicide" undetected and unrecorded while in captivity, what is to prevent Ms. Maxwell from suffering a similar fate? I am not being snarky or sarcastic, I think she really is in danger. Trump has proven he is willing to sacrifice other human lives so his won't end in a federal prison, so what would one more be? Ms. Maxwell knows more than enough to shatter the myth of a cabal of West Coast elite pedophiles that Trump has built. If it is not a myth, if he is not involved in the client list of other documents being withheld, then it is to his benefit to personally release all of it.

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tehbaddr's avatar

.

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Hank Napkin's avatar

The reason is simple: The Epstein files can do an "LGD" sort. (Length, Girth, and -- albeit a range -- Durability.)

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Major Is My Spirit Animal's avatar

PAB is stalling until he can find a convincing Epstein look-alike that can be revealed as "the guy who wouldn't die", literally. Then he can have a big televised show trial where PseudoEpstein reveals that his only clients were Deep State Demoncrat monsters and everyone can cheer and go back to feeling good about Hair Furor.

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Hank Napkin's avatar

Is that more than the One Second they've reported?

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Agent of Chaotic Respite's avatar

Trusting my public school-based education, that’d be a “yep”. 😎✌️

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Lionel “8647” Hutz's avatar

"Before Trump’s frantic story-shifting, we were fairly sure that there were no Epstein Files in a vault somewhere."

Of course not. Anything actually incriminating would have long ago been transferred to a bathroom at Mar a Largo.

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Lionel “8647” Hutz's avatar

So, the big news here is that since the Democrats all voted to release this information . . . .

Bill Clinton must not have any control over the Democratic Party anymore!

Our long national nightmare is finally over!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtgQ7hzjIYE

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donna's avatar

Isn't Lara running for office? She follows the GOP plan of 'lie & tell 'em what they want to hear, then march in lockstep'. She's not in favor of transparency - it's just a good sound bite.

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Amezed's avatar

OT, her MAGA makeover is IMO one of the worst. I mean, Kim Guilfoyle looks not-quite-human, but something about Lara makes me feel like her eyes are trying to merge (which in turn hurts my shitty eyes.) Maybe her makeup person hates her?

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donna's avatar

She does appear to be a bad plastic imitation of the Ivanka doll.

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Major Is My Spirit Animal's avatar

Well there's another layer of creepy as she's married to Ewick.

"OK Doc, just touch up her eyes and cheekbones to look like my sister."

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donna's avatar

we really need a laugh emoji on substack!

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Randal Cooper's avatar

A jury determined that Trump needed to pay $88 million dollars for raping E. Jean Caroll and it didn't move the needle on his support at all, so whatever's in the Epstein Files has got to be worse than that.

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forestvillain's avatar

I loved balloon animals as a kid. Was crazy about them, enjoyed them in many a species. But this is a first - the Charlie Kirk lemming balloon. Pitiful, pathetic, and oh so punchable.

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beb's avatar

You know, when you define the Deep State as "this unelected class of, you know, bankers, corporation, countries..." it's kind of true. BigMoney, BigBidness, Russia, Russia, Russia have been trying to influence Congress and the President through lobbying and campaign donations. It's not a conspiracy of career civil servants, it's the oligarchy.

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Goonemeritus's avatar

Thanks for the Miami Vice clip, just the justification I needed to hang on to my white linen suits and my teal, silk blend tee shirts

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