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josephebacon's avatar

We should be so lucky...The latest from...THE ONION!

WASHINGTON—In a dire health emergency that forced staffers to quickly mobilize to save the Cabinet member’s life, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was reportedly rushed to the gym Friday after suffering a sudden heart attack. “Quick, get him on an elliptical, now! He’s fading!” said HHS staffer Kathy Guiles, attempting to hook the secretary up to an IV of pre-workout supplements, creatine, and raw milk to regulate his vital levels. “Is anyone around here a trainer by chance? We need a CrossFit instructor, stat! Okay, prop him up against the pec deck—he can offset the cardiac arrest by doing some weighted chest flies. Oh God, he’s flatlining! Cut his shirt off, somebody get him a spotter. If we don’t hurry, he could slip into a coma and lose all his muscle mass.” At press time, sources close to the situation assured the nation Kennedy was taking it easy after his health episode by just doing some jiujitsu in the sauna.

https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-rushed-to-gym-after-heart-attack/

Rooster Cogburn's avatar

From the FAFO files: woman who called ICE on roofing crew to avoid payment gets matching bracelets for fraud, wage theft and conspiracy:https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1tP5U0oyspU

Smoke O'Possum's avatar

I love this for her!

dave's avatar

America's just a bad fiction novel.

Stephen St John's avatar

I love the sound of Rethugs fighting each other!

Bagels of Doom's avatar

"Senate Republicans didn’t have enough votes Thursday to pass their own filibuster-proof reconciliation bill to fund Donald Trump’s mass deportations"

So leadership! Much great again!

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Leadership on stilts, even!

Bagels of Doom's avatar

Markwayne's ears are ringing right now. LOL

G-7 in Space's avatar

AND the House had to adjourn early because Johnson was going to lose the War Powers vote...remember when that happened to Nancy Pelosi...?? Never...

Bagels of Doom's avatar

Moses Grindr Johnson is the biggest chickenshit in the known universe.

Mavenmaven's avatar

Thanks to the good Doktor whom I hope will continue to use the term "crime droog slush fund" until we finally "open the eyes" of our elected officials to the horrors they are committing.

coco lurks from home's avatar

Good, now maybe he can sue the fuck out of KA$H for calling him a "convicted rapist" before Congress.

For that matter, I hear there is a slush fund for weaponized prosecution by the government. Now he's even got a judge putting it into a decision.

Pisto75666-Radical Left Scum's avatar

Maybe he can even loan MAGA money for groceries with that money? /s

Stephen St John's avatar

I'm so glad we still have a judicial system that (mostly) works.

Parakeetist's avatar

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Good people can win!

Pisto75666-Radical Left Scum's avatar

And just his luck, there's a slush fund he can apply for as a remedy!

YaJagoff's avatar

Very good, also too!

G-7 in Space's avatar

The Tank Farm is spinning up for the Muskrats next attempt to launch the largest man made flying machine ever....

https://www.youtube.com/live/UfQHy4mVcBo?si=f-7pzkjd2dj3GCLb

It goes at 5:30 CDT....

zuludaddy (SEAMONKEY!)'s avatar

oooooooooookay!!

it here nao!

yr smoking lamp is lit!

soooo, be here nao!

be at Hooper's new recipe soon! :]

SayItWithWookies's avatar

And yet some of them are trying to make this look like they're taking a stand against Assmouth. Don't believe it for a second. The last time Tillis stood up to Assmouth, it was to cave and vote to confirm Warsh as chair of the Federal Reserve Board. This was just about John Thune saving their asses by sending them home to constituents who weren't *quite* as pissed off at them as they would've been had they voted for the Cop Killer Slush Fund. Shoulda coulda woulda doesn't get you a gold star, chickenshits.

VaselineHabits's avatar

I see it as a "vacation" Trump's shit weasels can pressure all the Republican during to fall back in line when they get back.

Parakeetist's avatar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gG7WVUpNiTU

OT:

The first few minutes of this is possibly one of the funniest things you may have seen on this planet.

"Operation Epic Furious: Strait to Hell"

Played by the gifted Hal Sparks.

NH is for 🦡🍄🐍's avatar

To be fair, they thought he was a clown when they invited him in the first time. The second time they thought he was a useful idiot. They were right and yet so wrong both times.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

Okay, that's it. I'm not waiting for Hooper...

SkeptiKC's avatar

Hemmingway stated, "Bring on the drinks, James. It's happy hour somewhere in this world".

The Wanderer's avatar

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of drinking.

"Go to it," it says, "and good luck."

Mysterysurf's avatar

It's after 4:20 somewhere. Go for it!

Parakeetist's avatar

I can't wait for Zulu Daddy to say what he has to say!

Parakeetist's avatar

How are Uue? I am eating a snacc right now. It is cannelini beans.

They taste pretty good. I put a little sauce on them.

Hope you are doing something fun. :)

G-7 in Space's avatar

Sadly, since the pneumonia I am not able to partake...I need Gummies....

SethTriggs's avatar

This is amazingly diabolical work. And we only have the fact that they are incentivized to do nothing to thank for this. Uuuuugh.

"Trump this week endorsed Texas state Attorney General Ken Paxton, for which Democratic nominee James Talarico is undoubtedly very grateful. "

I wouldn't ever count out repellent creatures like Paxton. He's been elected several times statewide in Texas. And believe me there's people that will always find some excuse—any tiny one will do—to not vote for the Democrat. So we need as many people to make sure they've jumped their voter suppression hoops NOW as we can.

Check your registration, check it often. Make sure you are an ACTIVE voter. There will still be specials out there as well as primaries.

Mount up! And don't give up the ship!

PrimerGray's avatar

“Democrat” is the excuse in many cases. If Jeffery Dahmer was the Republican and F. Ted Cruz was the Democrat, well, come on over for some ribs at the Dahmer victory party.

Stephen St John's avatar

Plus there's the Rethug tendency to always vote for the worst possible person.

G-7 in Space's avatar

It didn't used to be that way... when I moved there Ann Richards was Governor...

PrimerGray's avatar

CT used to be a GOP stronghold. Times change.

G-7 in Space's avatar

We can win it back if it can "change"...

josephebacon's avatar

Folks, please if you can send any $$$$ to Talarico if you can! Even a single dollar can help Talarico keep Paxton OUT of the Senate!

G-7 in Space's avatar

They will have Voter Suppression on Steroids in Houston and do the "announce the wrong election date accidentally" trick as well...guaranteed.

Mysterysurf's avatar

OT: More immigration fun.

𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗿𝘂𝗹𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻-𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗨.𝗦.

𝘐𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘺𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘢 𝘸𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯’𝘴 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. (Washington Post)

SkeptiKC's avatar

More deliberately malicious hoops, gates and myriad barriers that must be unerringly negotiated in an effort to be considered for citizianship in the US.

At this moment on this jagged warp of a sick and twisted timeline I am putting myself in the place of my dirt poor Irish ancestors, and I've arrived at the determination that migrating across the proverbial pond really isn't particularly appealing.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Why do they want to…oh shit, I give up.

zuludaddy (SEAMONKEY!)'s avatar

oh, that is some fuckery right there. :[

YaJagoff's avatar

Are you surprised? I'm not.

SethTriggs's avatar

Well you can't have Gilded Age 2.0 without the torment of immigrants now can you?