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People are so weird. Morning news roundup!

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Happy generational total eclipse day! Unless you are in Eagle Pass, Texas, in which case Gov. Greg Abbott screwed you real bad :/ (Jeff Tiedrich)

“Stand where he tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear, and do what he tells you to do."

This is the wedding night advice offered to brides by Josh Howerton, a senior pastor at Lakepointe Church in Dallas, Texas.

Well I got two sentences in to Amanda Marcotte at Salon!

The US thinks Iran is going to attack us, so that is a good thing for the government to be preparing for, as opposed to not preparing for it, CONDOLEEZZA. (CNN)

I wonder why Marjorie Taylor Greene is so adamant we not send any aid to Ukraine to repel Putin, I surely wonder. Anyway, she’s gonna impeach House Speaker Mike Johnson again probably I guess. (CNN)

Joe is going to try again today to do largescale wholesale student debt relief. (I still don’t buy, per this story, that Trump is actually leading among 18-29-year-olds.) (Gift link New York Times)

Well I guess the Democrats better get the Ohio supermajority Republican Lege to pass an exemption for Joe Biden to appear on the November ballot, sigh. (NBC News)

Can somebody please short Tesla stock for me kthx. (The Street)

This is confusing, and Chris Geidner is usually much better at writing for a smart layman but layman audience, but the Fifth Circuit is doing shenanigans to keep forum-shopped cases that belong nowhere near Texas in Texas. One of the cases is an Elno suit challenging the existence of the NLRB, and one is a Chamber of Commerce suit challenging credit card fee rules by the CFPB. (Law Dork)

Even Justice Neil Gorsuch doesn’t like the forum shopping, though of course he manages to be sloppy and wrong. (Above the Law) And from CNN: “A conservative appeals court in the South seems to be exasperating the Supreme Court.” You and me both, Supreme Court! (CNN)

Hey nerds, here’s your nerdsplainer on what the EPA’s going to do with its $27 billion in carbon reduction funds! (Volts)

Man, cruise ships are so weird. (Business Insider)

Here’s credit cards from the other side of the points game. (Bits About Money) And this man, with the credit card rewards and the pudding! (HuffPost / Snopes)

This is a very important math post about hot dogs. (Defector)

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