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If GOP Candidates Were This Funny In Real Life, We Might Like Them!
Good news: We live in U.S. America, where we get to democratically elect our leaders, kind of, except for that one time the Supreme Court did it for us, GRRRRRRRRRR RAGE FACE, never getting over that.
Bad news: Our candidates tend to suck, and we have all of us, yes ALL of us, sighed heavy sighing sighs and tapped the screen or checked the box or punched the chad and recited "lesser of evils, lesser of evils" before drowning our sorrows in booze, for democracy, groan.
Good news: Democrats have all of a sudden turned into Democrats again, and no, we don't mean the old-timey kind from the 1800s, shut UP, we KNOW Abe Lincoln was a Republican and Robert Byrd was in the Klan, and that was a long time ago, JESUS DIXIE CHRIST! What we mean is, Democrats love gays and slut pills and minimum wage increases and taxing the rich and solar energy and free healthcare (OK, not yet, maybe one day please!), and Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders and evolution is real and vaccines are good and Black Lives Matter and "anchor babies" is FUCKIN' RUDE, YO, don't say that. That is what we mean.
Bad news: Not all Democrats. :(
Good news: But more and more Democrats!
Bad news: Zero Republicans.
Bad news: There could be a freak nuclear accident, and we are stuck with "Democratic" President Jim Webb.
Good news: That's not going to happen.
Bad news: Unless maybe ...?
Bottom line: Fuck it, might as well laugh.
The HI-larious geniuses who made us giggle and guffaw in 2012 with their most epic Bad Lip Reading of Republican candidates making words with their faces are back. Who can ever forget Ron Paul "saying" he "helped a fuzzy dude cut a piece of fruit" and he has "many fake books" and "let's all pour lotion on the person who thinks I'm an ass" and "HOO HAH CHERRY SODA"?
If you're raising your hand and saying, "Me, sorry, I forgot," remind yourself all over again, and be thankful that the Bad Lip Readingartisteshave Bad Lip Reading-ed the first Republican presidential debate for us. (You know, the real one, with the Top Ten losers, not the seven barrel-scraping bottom-feeders who are still wahhhh about that.)
There is so much greatness in this video, we cannot even begin to pick our favorite. Maybe it is Ted Cruz saying, "I will drink a sorority's gold fish." Or maybe it is Marco Rubio saying, "I own a parrot that doesn't drink." Or maybe it is Ben Carson making confused sounds, LOTS OF CONFUSED SOUNDS. Or maybe it is this?
MEGYN KELLY: Gov. Bush, how would you get a dead mouse on a crescent roll with some steak?
JEB! BUSH: With some steak, I would fork it.
Dunno, it's all pretty good and hilarious, especially when they start to sing. Yes, they sing. You watch and tell us what you like best, in the comments, which we do not allow.