We think our favorite thing about MAGA people is their self-awareness. They’re not weird, you’re weird. They’re the real trolls with the sickest memes, and you are owned by them. And if you think it’s bizarre that they’re walking around Trump rallies with vials of JD Vance’s cum, ha ha, TRIGGERED.
We really wanted this story to be fake, but even TMZ has it, and they ain’t no lie. Click for full-sized pictures of Trump voters, carrying jars of JD Vance’s, um, well, his cum.
Yep, that says “JD Vance full family kit,” and those are Trump supporters carrying them around. We don’t know if there was some hilarious liberal prankster who hatched this idea while drunk and then actually went through with selling JD’s batter at Trump’s rallies. If so, kudos, you are doing the Lord’s kind of capitalism.
Of course there’s also the possibility that a legit MAGA vendor came up with this idea with a straight face — TMZ suggests maybe they’re making fun of how Tim Walz and his wife struggled with infertility, whereas we guess JD Vance’s sperms pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Because that’s very hilarious and also appealing to voters!
(MAGA has attempted to neutralize the joke about JD inserting his penis into couches, grunting three times and impregnating them, by creating their own joke that Tim Walz drinks horse cum. Donald Trump Jr. tried to get that going. Good try coming up with your own joke, guys! But anyway, that semen “joke” appears to be unrelated to this semen “joke.”)
The third possibility is that MAGA came up with this idea organically all by itself and went to Hobby Lobby and bought some glue and jars and concocted some kind of solution that looks like Hillbilly sperm sauce, and at no point did any of them look at each other and say, “Guys … what are we doing?”
Sorry, wait, there’s a fourth option, and it’s that these people are actually carrying around real and true JD Vance jizz. Don’t know if they get it directly from the source or if they just wait for the Vance family to put old couches on the curb, but we should at least strongly consider that actual MAGA voters are carrying around vials of JD Vance’s literal actual semen.
YA BURNT, LIBS!
Obviously this is MAGA’s way of showing solidarity with JD Vance’s vile, perverted views on women and family, because nothing says “I agree with the words that gentleman is saying” like wearing a sippy cup of his fake ejaculate around your neck.
Suck on that, ya woke queers!
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"OK--we give up!"
- The Onion
If it's real cum, someone's making money hand over fist.