159 Comments

After a mishegoss I don't want to BEGIN to go into, we had to replace our refrigerator the week before Christmas.

Because our kitchen is not only small, but a very narrow oblong, the door MUST hinge on the left. If it hinges on the right, you can't get into the refrigerator OR the kitchen. So I made a big huge deal of making ABSOLUTELY SURE that the model we were buying had the kind of door that could be hinged on the left.

Delivery guys (two of them, who speak very limited English) bring the refrigerator in and set it up in the kitchen.

I notice that, you guessed it, the door is hinged on the right. I say to the delivery guy that it needs to be hinged on the left.

He says, "You have to call Costco and make an appointment for that."

I said (calmly but slowly because I didn't want a language barrier), "No, Costco said that this was the price for the refrigerator INSTALLED."

He, while looking directly into my eyes, plugged the refrigerator in, and said, "Now it's installed."

O_o

I probably should have been mad, but that was just so PERFECT that I was awe-stricken, so I just nodded.

PS. Costco did send a guy to reverse the door.

Expand full comment

You can switch em pretty quik

Expand full comment

Mechanical stuff isn't my forte, but I figure since the price was the installed price, I had already paid for that.

Costco didn't charge extra.

Expand full comment

"I feel like everybody in the world is good at being forthright, and I am not."

`

OK, for starters -- no, not EVERYBODY is good at being forthright.

My Mother raised me with a philosophy of "Peace at any price".

It's a bad methodology for relationships, and an absolutely TERRIBLE methodology for any other kind of problem -- trust me, it doesn't do jack shit for the web page that won't load.

Somewhere around early middle age, I figured out that she raised me that way because it was the only method she had, and my Grandfather, who was orphaned at the age of 4, raised HER that way because it was the only method HE had.

It's been goddamn awkward and embarrassing to learn the same kind of coping skills that other people learned in junior high, but what you don't have, you can't give.

Expand full comment

I would add that, from my experience (lawyer, law professor), and contrary to popular perceptions, most lawyers I know are conflict-averse in their own lives (and even in their professional ones). Maybe because we've seen how conflicts can go, or because we've seen conflicts with higher stakes than "my food is a bit cold," or maybe because we're just tired of conflict when it's also our jobs. That doesn't mean we shouldn't learn to speak up (or that it's wrong to send back cold food) and advocate for ourselves, but more to I hope it helps NGASUEAW to know she's not alone here.

Expand full comment

Yes, I have a lawyer son who won't listen to one word from me about these politics around us. He loathes gossip too. He's become so annoying-- I mean, it would be SO CONVENIENT for me if he'd just do what I want.

Expand full comment

I'm thinking if the law student shown in the picture had a few more pounds on her, she'd would throw herself at Ross Neckbeard "Don't" Douthat. Never, ever forget this moment in modern cultural history, because it is comedy GOLD:

https://www.rawstory.com/2013/12/daddy-dont-let-your-baby-grow-up-to-be-chunky-reese-witherspoon/

Expand full comment

I know what has helped me in the past (and I'm so old now I don't care any longer) is pretending to be someone else. Now, I didn't study law, I studied theatre, but it's all acting. I pretended to be someone else. I would write out what I wanted to say, and then I would pretend I was Elizabeth Taylor doing a favor for Macy's by merely mentioning that I was given inferior service. If it was for a repair service - plumber, car repair person, electrical, whatever - then I would pretend to be the no-nonsense assistant to a very important, busy, CEO that needed service ASAP. "And be snappy about it!" Writing out the script ahead of time - like a legal brief, I assume - is crucial. Have all the information written down so you don't have to fumble for stuff like model number whilst on the phone. In a restaurant - you're on your own. I would rather crawl under a table.

Expand full comment

"I give myself little assignments, and I congratulate myself when I do them. "

Feeling like we should do more of this.

I think if almost everyone did this, the world might be a better place (except Confederate Republicans; they do nothing all day and then pat themselves endlessly on the back for it).

Expand full comment

I was told once to hug yourself (me) often (3 times a day) for the positive things you have done for yourself or others. It truly helps bring peace and joy.

Expand full comment

That is an awesome idea 💡

Thank you for it ❤🤗

Expand full comment

Also too, give yourself permission to lie. Just a little. Think of it as that "spoon full of sugar" that helps the truth go down. Everyone does it!

That party you don't want to go to? Instead of "It's because I hate all your other friends," try "I'm washing my hair twice to compare new shampoos."

Expand full comment

Also too when I was more tongue-tied it helped to have a detailed "script" in my head, so I didn't have to figure out what I was going to say in the midst of rising panic. You could even do that way in advance for common types of situations.

Expand full comment

I just rotate the same 4 sentences, it worked for my Grandfather and he only knew 4 lines in English and he ran a grocery store in Brooklyn

1) Fresha stuff a better

2) At de Hell

3) Eat and shut-up

4) Any Cheese?

Expand full comment

"Words to live by, Eggsey. Words to live by."

Expand full comment

“And when you’ve been trained to play nice in your personal life, regardless of your gender…”

Thank you, Sara.

Signed,

Some Guy With the Same Issue

Expand full comment

Hey, I know you....

Expand full comment

I'm with the witch in "Into the Woods": "Nice" is pretty meaningless. "You're not good, you're not bad you're just.......nice."

I was there, too, for decades. I'm not "nice" anymore.

Expand full comment

"You are a mosaic, and I’m being shown, at most, a couple of tiles."

This is *chef's kiss* perfect! What a lovely way to envision the whole humanity of a person, as a beautiful mosaic that could have chipped pieces, but the whole is still beautiful and valid and worthy.

Expand full comment

There's a Youtube channel I watch called Tree Man. They do what they call "social experiments"..."how would people react if this happened" etc.

TL:DR one of the channel actors was pretending to bully another one (because the guy was disabled. Or pretending to be) and this guy on the street came up to the bullied guy and helped him get across the street and the bullied guy said he felt so helpless because he couldn't walk properly. The guy helping him said that we're all equal, except everyone has different characteristics. Then pointed to the buildings around them and said "It's like the bricks. Those put on the ground are for walking. Those for the buildings are up there." I thought that was such a beautiful description. (I feel like I've talked about this video before and if I have just ignore me. LOL)

If you want to check it out here's the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gQq345ytns (it already comes with English subtitles)

Expand full comment

Thank you so much! That sounds lovely and I'll check it out.

Expand full comment

❤️🙏🏻❤️

Expand full comment

That sentence was one of the glimmers in my day, for sure. XD

Expand full comment

Thank you 🥺🥹😭

Expand full comment

You are very welcome, and thank *you*!

Expand full comment

Very nice observation. However, I am a pornographic mosaic on the wall of an Etruscan brothel: https://www.finestresullarte.info/en/works-and-artists/the-etruscans-and-sex-how-our-ancestors-made-love

Expand full comment

Nothing ages quite like the Eros of Antiquity.

Expand full comment

LOL!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't expecting some of that. XD XD XD XD

Expand full comment

I kind of pictured myself as a lewd cave drawing

But that’s just me

Expand full comment

I’m an impolite sketch on a filthy public restroom wall

Expand full comment

Hey, those cave drawings are masterpieces. Haven't you seen "The Cave of Forgotten Dreams?" XD

Expand full comment

Everything was going just great for me here. Reading some fun advice column hijinks; wondering if I should kibbitz a bit; speculating about NGASUEAW's identity; wondering how to tie it all into a gratuitous insult aimed at TFG; just normal run of the mill Friday afternoon fun.

And then I started the 'dancing baby' clip. Awwwwwwwwww! Someone got tired and fell asleep on her homework. Awwwwww!

And then....the baby.

I'll be honest with you, that clip went sideways instantly. I actually thought "Oh man! I think I overdid my Friday afternoon gummy there!"

I never watched Ally McBeal before. But now i am wondering if I should because that was some primetime surrealism right there.

Expand full comment

Also I believe she once got her skinny ass stuck in a toilet. That show was...different. But pretty good!

Expand full comment

The dancing baby is terrifying

Expand full comment

gummy's your friend.

Expand full comment

But is the dancing baby friend or foe?

Expand full comment

for me, this go it alone impulse is all trauma response. Very complicated. My Dad was in the war, and had a hard childhood. He was the same way. It forms barriers in me in everything from asking for directions to asking for love and affection.

I hope the systematic desensitization works. Some self analysis might also be good. Work on the behaviors, but look at the emotions triggered when thinking about reaching out for help.

Expand full comment

OT:

Ron Filipkowski:

The House GOP is now launching an investigation into Cassidy Hutchinson in yet another clown show that is sure to blow up in their faces and hurt both them and Trump.

https://www.meidastouch.com/news/house-gop-now-investigating-cassidy-hutchinson

Expand full comment

"Hutchinson explained that people "in Trump World" arranged to have Passantino represent her because he was considered loyal to Trump. Passantino, who had worked in the White House, told her that he would represent her free of charge because his fees had already been taken care of."

Are they sure they want to dig into that? Okay...

Expand full comment

Because there's nothing *else* of any import to do...

Expand full comment

Oh FFS.

Expand full comment

COMER: We've hit rock bottom

GREENE: Well go get the jackhammer then, you moron!

Expand full comment

The Orange God demands a sacrifice.

Expand full comment

My god, still plumbing the depths. Incredible.

Expand full comment

Horse has bolted, lived a long and happy life, was turned in to glue and holds on Comer's toupee, so now the Repubs are thinking about having a hearing on closing the barn door.

Expand full comment

Eh, rocket scientists them MAGAs are.

Expand full comment

"Perhaps part of the issue for you in particular is that so much is required of you in the professional realm when it comes to speaking up, speaking out, and speaking with authority. This is a wonderful thing, but you’re doing it for other people, and for a paycheck, so it may feel justifiable to you."

I feel this part a lot. I mean, part of the reason I'm in the situation I'm in is that I get so focused on other people's needs and problems that I didn't advocate for what I needed to succeed.

Expand full comment

Same. I also get so worn out by conflict while lawyering that I simply cave in when it comes to my own affairs. I'm too tired.

Expand full comment

Agreed. I talk to people on the phone all day and really don't like talking to people on the phone in real life. I will go to great lengths to avoid calling someone if I can email or otherwise contact them.

Expand full comment

it's like "the cobbler's children have no shoes". i didn't even do necessary legal paperwork for myself until a couple of years ago, after 40 years of practice.

Expand full comment

You know kids, back in the day we put gif's in our TV shows and they cost $10,000.

They don't make TV like that any more.

Expand full comment

Back in my day the props were crap. Suspension of disbelief did a lot of heavy lifting. And we liked it!

Expand full comment

".. We loved it!"

Expand full comment

I miss studio sets that visibly wobbled when actors slammed a door.

Happy times.

And you only saw 'those' people when it was for a joke.

I think everyone was happier back then.

Expand full comment

Small world. I'm doing therapy right now. On my gal pal's laptop. We're talking some surgery. Should work, what with full clone, then on that Disk Warrior down to the file level, erase the original, clone back, then run Disk Utilities. Then boot, and see if we're cooking with propane. If mission failure, just give her my laptop, which is tippy-top.

Ah, the things we do for love.

Expand full comment