Important People Upset By Lack Of Quiet Hookers

Prostitution is the world's oldest profession. (This is the first False Fact you learn in social studies class; "Hunting" was actually the first profession, followed a few hours later by "Hungry Rentboy.") But in these troubling times, basically every single prostitute is a total blabbermouth who will sell his/her story to the tabloid reptile-people. And by "his/her story" we mean "that time you paid a prostitute to violently sodomize your anus with a frozen poopsicle." [RILEY JESUS C'MON -- Ed.] Prostitution comes from the Latin word meaning "to send pictures of your boobs to Tiger Woods, using your cellphone camera, and then not telling anyone about it, not ever." Sadly, prostitution has strayed from its noble Latin roots, and this makes important people who have ugly spouses very nervous.

Every day thousands of important athletes -- and politicians, but they are not important, except here at Wonkette and only after they are arrested -- are exposed as freaky sex addicts by gossipy ladies and gentlemen of the night who land sweet book deals. What does this mean, in terms of pay-per-sexytime supply and demand? Here is a business article:

To put it differently: there would be a higher demand for good prostitutes if men trusted them to comply with the implied non-disclosure deal. The lower demand drives women who would otherwise be good prostitutes into other occupations.

Let's go a step further than Dillow.

The existence of various legal and social arrangements that makes prostitution less attractive may not be accidental. Although the arrangements may diminish the utility of both would-be prostitutes and their would-be customers, there are likely many externalities that make this an economically rational situation. Most people would probably like fewer women to choose prostitution as a profession, even if the alternatives are modeling, public relations or investor relations. So it shouldn't be surprising that our legal structure encourages this choice.

Ha ha wait, WHAT? "If you want to be a prostitute but are fearful of being judged, by your mom, just work in public relations it is like the same thing basically." The Truth is a bitter pill to swallow, but people in public relations will swallow just about anything, because they are prostitutes. [ CNBC via Daily Intel ]