In Which Donald Trump Sh*ts On Milwaukee, Host Of The Republican National Convention
No he didn't, they lied. Yes he did, they lied more.
Donald Trump stuck his giant clown foot deep into his blab hole on Thursday when he reportedly referred to Milwaukee, host of the upcoming Republican National Convention, as a “horrible city” during a meeting with House Republicans. Which was not a nice thing to say about a place that has consented to let itself be overrun for a week by insane MAGA zombies desperately seeking cheese and beer and discreet M4M hookups in the city’s bountiful public parks and restrooms. (Rebecca says I have to remind you we’re throwing you a party there, and at the Chicago DNC too, cheese and beer and M4M hookups encouraged.)
What is even funnier is watching the quislings of the Republican Party trip over their own dicks in a desperate attempt to come up with spin they can all agree on while the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel splashes the headline “TRUMP: MILWAUKEE ‘HORRIBLE’” across its front page in 45-point type.
We have counted a minimum of five separate explanations for what Trump was actually talking about from five separate sources, at least four of whom were actually in the room at the time. The fact that at least four people who heard the remarks have come up with four different contexts for Trump’s quote would suggest both a) he really did call Milwaukee a “horrible” city in general, and b) the quislings who make up the House Republican caucus were really caught wrong-footed by the reporters who descended on them like insatiable jackals after the meeting let out.
EXPLANATION #1: Trump did not say the words he reportedly said, at all. This one comes from Rep. Bryan Steil, GOP representative from WI-01. We would also quibble with Steil claiming there is “no better place than Wisconsin in July.” Not because we’ve ever been to Wisconsin in July (or any other time), but because this is just the sort of pathetic boosterism you’d get from any congressional representative, even if they represent the Mojave Desert.
EXPLANATION #2: Trump was referring to Milwaukee’s crime rate, which was the explanation of Rep. Derrick Van Orden of WI-03. Van Orden helpfully passed along a headline from Thursday noting that Milwaukee has the third-highest violent crime rate in America. Which is not what we would tell the people we are asking to come spend a week there next month, but we are not a supergenius congressman.
The crime rate also became Bryan Steil’s explanation after he stopped pretending Trump hadn’t said Milwaukee was a “horrible city” at all. Hey, maybe the Wisconsin delegation could try coordinating their messaging. Surely they have all met each other at some point.
EXPLANATION #3: Trump was referring to the elections being rigged, as all elections in urban areas are, and the only possible explanation for why Trump does so poorly in urban areas. If it wasn’t for all the rigging, he would have won Detroit/Atlanta/Milwaukee/Chicago/Philadelphia/insert any other major American city here in both 2016 and 2020. But RIGGED! STOLLEN!
EXPLANATION #4: Trump was talking about just needing Republicans to do better in urban areas in general. Okay.
EXPLANATION #5: We’re just going to quote this entire Tweet from a Wisconsin reporter because it’s too good:
GOP appears to be scrambling to spin. A convention spokesperson told me Trump "was referencing the ongoing political game the City and County are playing with Pere Marquette Park. Despite concerns being raised months ago, the City has still not designated a first amendment zone."
LOL, yeah, we bet the city and county are going to totally fall for this negotiating technique, anonymous convention spokesperson. Or do you want us to believe that Donald Trump, a man who can barely remember the names of his own children, is that involved in convention planning that he’s aware of this disagreement? No. Just no.
Look, Trump just hates cities. He is actually terrified of them. He has called enough cities horrible over the last few years that at this point, it practically counts as a hobby. Baltimore? A “shithole.” New York, the city he nonetheless lived in for the first 70 years of his miserable fucking life? An “absolute hellhole.” Atlanta? A “violent crime war zone.”
He has also repeatedly promised to clean up Washington DC, another “disaster” that must have looked terrifying to him from behind the windows of his bulletproof limo every time it drove him two blocks from the White House to his dumb hotel while he was president.
It is a pretty good bet that if Donald Trump thinks it’s a horrible place, then Milwaukee — or “Milly-Wah-Kay, which is Algonquin for ‘The Good Land’” — is pretty awesome, and Wonkette will not be deterred from partying there next month.
It is also possible that Trump was thinking of Ho Chi Minh City, which is apparently a common mistake in Republican circles, at least according to this reporter from the Boston Globe who recently noticed the RNC had been using a picture of that city’s skyline instead of Milwaukee’s in a background photo on its convention webpage for God only knows how long.
Ironically, Trump will be in Racine, Wisconsin, which is about 20 miles from Milwaukee, next Tuesday for a rally. If the local Democrats aren’t flooding the airwaves with messages about him being too chickenshit to come within 20 miles of Milwaukee, then they should probably get out of the winning elections business.
[Twitter]
Some donations will go to Wonkette’s RNC beer fund.
Dok's bump stock post enabled for comments, and he (AND GARY, GARY) have been yelled at for never clicking "let all the idiots comment," IT'S BEEN A YEAR.
You pay for the ticket, you take the freaky deaky ride. What I’m sayin’, Milwaukee, maybe you want to rethink hosting asshole conventions, eh?