Last night, the impotent Republican majority in the House of Representatives voted to hold Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt for refusing to hand over audio of Special Counsel Robert Hur’s interviews with Joe Biden. (Biden has asserted executive privilege, plus Congress has the transcripts already, and also fuck you.)
This morning, fresh off House Speaker Mike Johnson’s victory that’s going absolutely nowhere, and that all the Acela corridor is making universal jerk-off motions at, he is hosting Donald Trump at the Capitol, so Trump can beg Congress to unconvict him of his New York state felonies. Really.
That’s right, Trump is returning to the scene of his January 6 crimes, like Bin Laden hitting up Ground Zero.
Officially, Politico says the agenda is to make plans for his 2025 agenda, so we guess they’re going to pass out rolled-up hard copies of Project 2025 to use as dildos. (Watch out for those paper cuts, boys!)
But unofficially, Politico says, Trump is obsessed and consumed by fantasies of Congress having Mike Pence’s courage to make all his New York felony convictions disappear. Is this a thing? LOL, but Speaker Johnson — one of Trump’s primary traitor seditionist coup-plotters, remember — is down to clown.
Playbook reported this morning that it all started just after Trump’s conviction, when he called Johnson. GRRRRR he was mad, GRRRRR. He said “fuck” a lot, right to Mike Johnson, who is holy and does not know such words!
“We have to overturn this,” Trump insisted.
Johnson agreed that they have to overturn this. After all, as Playbook notes, Johnson was one of the sycophants who dressed up like Trump to stand outside Trump’s Manhattan trial and performatively wail on his behalf.
But remember how Johnson really thought there was a way to overturn the election, based on these legal theories he didn’t actually write himself? (Remember how Liz Cheney laughed at him, because while he may be pious and think he’s chosen by God, he’s kind of a fucking dipshit? Also called him extremely “susceptible to flattery” from Trump.)
The speaker didn’t really need to be convinced, one person familiar with the conversation said: Johnson, a former attorney himself, already believed the House had a role to play in addressing Trump’s predicament. The two have since spoken on the subject multiple times.
God, what a bimbo.
But remember how we started off with Johnson’s flaccid “victory” in holding Garland in contempt, which is obviously DOA in … the Justice Department, where we guess Merrick Garland will have to charge himself.
Weirdly, it doesn’t even seem like he will!
“It is deeply disappointing that this House of Representatives has turned a serious congressional authority into a partisan weapon. Today’s vote disregards the constitutional separation of powers, the Justice Department’s need to protect its investigations, and the substantial amount of information we have provided to the Committees.
“I will always stand up for this Department, its employees, and its vital mission to defend our democracy.”
One Republican voted against the contempt of Congress bill, and Johnson had to work hard to get that result. Obviously they don’t have the stamina or intellectual prowess to impeach Joe Biden. Might be kind of hard to get the whole caucus together to do … ??? … to overturn Trump’s conviction in the state of New York.
Playbook says all the House Republicans’ ideas for going after Alvin Braggs and Fani Willises and Jack Smiths “appear to have a wobbly future.”
They have this one bill to ban former presidents from being charged with state crimes. Johnson apparently now thinks maybe it would be cool to try to defund Special Counsel Jack Smith, like Marjorie Taylor Greene has been demanding. But to what end? Democratic Senate gonna LOL at that too.
Plus, House Republicans aren’t even on board, necessarily:
The problem, of course, is that these proposals don’t yet have the votes to pass. One senior appropriator, Rep. MIKE SIMPSON (R-Idaho), told Playbook the idea of defunding Smith was “stupid.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea unless you can show that [the prosecutors] acted in bad faith or fraud or something like that,” he said. “They're just doing their job — even though I disagree with what they did.”
“We accuse Democrats of weaponizing the Justice system,” said another skeptical senior Republican who was granted anonymity to speak with fear of MAGA blowback. “That’s exactly what we’d be doing.”
Yep, those bills are definitely going places.
Trump will meet with members of the House and Senate separately. Mitch McConnell is going to go. Lisa Murkowski, Mitt Romney, Susan Collins, and Susan Collins’s concerns will not be attending, reckon they’re going drinking instead. (Decaffeinated virgin chocolate milk for Mittens the Mormon, obviously.)
At the end of the meeting, and for the rest of his life, he will still be a fucking felon.
[Playbook]
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Oh, now Susan Collins is going to snub Trump?! She can kiss my ass for voting to confirm Boof Kavanaugh. Hope she's happy with the Dobbs decision she enabled.
Sometimes, the reason no one has done a thing before is because it’s stupid.