Bad news incoming, gird your loins!
When the American military bombed an Iranian girls’ school and killed almost 200 girls, it was the American military that did that? Oh, no shit? BRB blood pressure venting upward in a reverse trepan through my actual skull:
“In my opinion, based on what I’ve seen, that was done by Iran,” Mr. Trump told reporters on Air Force One on Saturday, as Mr. Hegseth stood beside him, adding: “They’re very inaccurate, as you know, with their munitions. They have no accuracy whatsoever. It was done by Iran.”
DC’s Catholic cardinal has eyeballs in his head, says Trump’s Iran war of choice doesn’t pass any kind of test of morality. (The Guardian)
Are we trying to get terror-attacked? Honest question. (Timothy Snyder)
You know how we always blame US presidents for gas prices and they don’t actually have much to do with them? Well, SMALL EXCEPTION for this dude, Wharton’s Greatest Alum. (The American Prospect) Everybody releasing their petroleum reserves, as nations did yestertoday, could buy The Economy 45 to 50 days. Let’s see if Trump manages to get out of Iran before end of April! (NOTUS)
Seems like it was just yesterday (’s yesterday) that Trump and some Fox News douche were telling oil tankers to stop being pussies, go through the Strait, and be legends. So what if it’s too dangerous for the US Navy?
Ballot seizure practice runs, this time in Maricopa County, AZ. And the dude there was just delighted to comply! (Status Kuo)
Pretty moldy video by now, but everybody should watch and bookmark it anyway. Here’s Senator Sheldon Whitehouse a week ago detailing Trump’s Russia-Epstein ties.
I don’t know how Brandon Brown’s farm plan stacks up with whatever Wonkpal Dr. Sarah Taber would advise us to do, but I enjoy this fellow’s campaign blogs. You could sign up for them too! (Brown for SC)
Reading the New York Times’s latest snippy little entry in its eternal anti-Zohran Mamdani crusade. (Elias Isquith)
Elon Musk wants to launch one MILLION satellites into our night sky. How about fucking no? (Scientific American)
Evan’s FLORSHEIMS from the other day gets better. We present the classic fairy tale: The Black Shoes, in which they dance themselves to death or get real bad heel blister chafing in their dumb ugly clownshoes that don’t fit.
Everything’s terrible but at least Marco Rubio’s shoes don’t fit. Link fixed. (Tiedrich)
Charlotte Clymer is delighted by Bobby Pulido in Texas’s CD-15! (Charlotte’s Web Thoughts)
Here is a sports thing that is fucking stupid. (The Athletic)
NOT AN AD! We just love our friends Penzeys, and they love us! It’s their annual BOYCOTT BUSTER for CAPTAIN BOYCOTT, because of how shitty rightwingers keep boycotting them for being TOO AWESOME, and you can get 25 percent off vanilla (code BAKE at checkout) and $40 gift cards for $27.95 (limit 10). Valid THROUGH TODAY ONLY!
Yes I’m going to be shilling this fundraiser all month. Support the girls’ Detroit public elementary school and buy some pizza (pizza). Little Caesar’s will ship the incredibly convenient pizza kits right to your home! Swear to god it is worth having these in your freezer, I was sad when we finally ate all ours last year. (Pizza Pizza)
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Borowitz:
Trump Demands Role in Choosing New Ayatollah’s Shoes
https://substack.com/@borowitzreport/note/c-226682585?r=angu9&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action