Is That Donald Trump Quote Real Or Fake, And Are You Emotionally Stable Enough To Tell The Difference?

Take the Wonkette quiz and find out!

The temperature in Las Vegas on Sunday was somewhere around 110 degrees. Perfect weather for a Donald Trump political rally! Did the heat bother the convicted felon? (Nope, still not tired of typing those words.) Did he have a heat stroke and bloat up like a whale carcass?

Unclear, but Donald Trump hollering incoherently due to dehydrating in extreme heat is probably indistinguishable from Donald Trump hollering incoherently anywhere at any time. Or is it?

Below are some quotes from Trump’s Vegas rally. Some are real quotes. Some are not real quotes. Can you tell which are which? The answer key is at the bottom of the page!

1. “So I said, ‘There’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards, or here. Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking? Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted.’ Because I will tell you, he didn’t know the answer. He said, ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’”

2. “And the J6 people, they were warriors. I did a song with them, did you know that? It was a great song, lotta people loved it. They said it should win a Grammy. I said, I don’t know, the Grammy people hate me. But they said it. So we did the song, and I was honored to do it. I said give all the money we make to the lawyers. We’re going to do something about the J6 political prisoners, folks. We’ll do it fast when I’m elected. But they didn’t give us the Grammy. Didn’t even give us a nomination, but that’s okay.”

3. “He just came up, are the teleprompters not working, so not even a little bit. Great job! And then I don’t pay the company that does it, right? And then I end up with a story, Trump doesn’t pay. I don’t pay contractors that do a shitty job, and that’s a shitty job. That’s a shitty job. You can’t read a word. But you know what, it usually ends up that the speech is better, it’s crazy.”

4. “And Arthur Blank! Arthur’s not here today, he hates Trump. But Arthur owns a football team. The Atlanta Falcons. He’s a hardware guy, made all his money from a little hardware store called Home Depot. You’ve heard of Home Depot, right? He doesn’t like me very much, Arthur doesn’t. Gives all his money to Crooked Joe. You wouldn’t think a guy who owns Home Depot would vote for a radical Marxist, would you? But he loves Crooked Joe.”

5. “Wind! What is that, anyway?”

6. “We beat ISIS. They said no one could do that. They said sir, we don’t know where they are. I said I know where they are, they’re out there in the desert. They said sir, we don’t know. I said you’re all military generals, how come I know this and you don’t? They’re woke, but they won’t be. When I’m in office, you’re not going to have a woke military anymore, folks.”

7. “I say, ‘Your Honor, I have this beautiful son, he’s so smart, he’s graduating from high school, I need to be there. My wife, Melania, she’ll be very upset if I’m not there.’ She says, ‘Sweetheart, you have to be there.’ And he says no! He doesn’t want to interrupt this phony trial. Thirty-four counts, and we didn’t do anything wrong. There was no crime. I say, my son. He’s very bad, this judge. Radical Marxist. His daughter’s making millions off me, it’s so corrupt. He says no. Now my son’s upset, Melania’s upset. Our great First Lady. Even though virtually every legal scholar in the world — Alan Dershowitz. Every legal scholar says there’s no case here, I did nothing wrong. But that’s what happens. That’s what happens.”

8. “Swimming, the same thing. Running, the same thing. It’s so demeaning to women. But these people can only want to destroy our country, who would, who want open borders, who want men playing in women’s sports, who wants all electric cars.”

9. “He’s also a great Indianapolis, he won it twenty times, can you believe it? Think of how smart you have to be. Japan, Germany, all these nations, they spend billions and billions of dollars trying to win the Indianapolis 500, and Roger Pensky, he just won it again, he’s won it twenty times. That’s the kind of brain power we need.”

10. “Remember Jim Jones? The cult guy? The temple, they called it in San Francisco. California. We’re gonna clean that up, folks. I see people on the street there, defecating on sidewalks, there’s needles all over because of drugs. I know a guy, a very good friend of mine, he’s in Big Tech but he’s okay, he lives there, he’s afraid to walk outside, can you believe it? He’s got all this money, I say ‘Hire a bodyguard.’ He says, people don’t care. Feces! All over the place! He says, no one wants to be around that. It’s disgusting. And we treat these people better than we treat our own citizens. But yeah, Jim Jones. His followers killed themselves, they loved him so much, he told them to do it and they did it.”

11. “Another thing, the truck is so heavy because batteries are very heavy. The truck weighs twice as much as a gasoline truck. So what happens, a diesel, what happens is they have to fix every bridge all over the United States to handle the weight. Every bridge has to be rebuilt because the weight is double and triple that of a gasoline or diesel tank truck. And you say to yourself, who are these people that are destroying our country? Why are they destroying our country, why is it that they’re destroying our country? All that stuff is going to end. We’re not going to have men playing in women’s sports. We’re not doing it. We’re not doing it!”

12. “I get along very nicely with Vladimir Putin. He likes me, I like him. Iran, they weren’t doing anything. But he never would have gone into Ukraine. Never invaded if I was president. He’s going to come to the White House. Oh, that will drive the Democrats crazy, won’t it? Vladimir Putin at the White House! ‘Sir, you can’t do this.’ The hell I can’t! So we’re going to do that.”

Answer key:

Real: 1, 3, 8, 9, 11

Fake: 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 12

How did you do?

1-3 correct: You must tune out Donald Trump a lot. Congratulations on your relatively good mental health.

4-6 correct: You probably like to talk about politics, but not enough to make your children hate you. Yet.

7-9 correct: Your brain is a useless bowl of wet noodles and cicada carcasses.

10 correct: A perfect score! There is so much wrong with you that every existing copy of the DSM just spontaneously combusted. Make radical lifestyle changes immediately.

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