Is The Bar Cart Over? Tabs, Mon., April 15, 2024
How very dare you. Morning news roundup!
Why exactly are foreign leaders, and not just the Viktor Orbans, flying to Mar-a-Fucking-Lago to pay fealty to Trump? Particularly David Cameron, that twat. (Politico)
Dickhead’s going on trial today and while I’m a betting woman who says he’s guilty, it’s also the least compelling of his crimes. “Paid off sex lady” really isn’t, oh, STOLE NUCLEAR SECRETS AND SET FIVE THOUSAND FIFTY YEAR OLD FIREFIGHTERS ON CONGRESS. Anyway, Michael Cohen says we should “prepare to be surprised,” so, sure. I’ll prepare to be surprised! (Politico again)
Tabs continue below!
Explanation!
Great news! The EPA has a really strong pollution rule coming for Louisiana! Oh I can’t show it to you unless you’re a NOLA subscriber.
But that’s okay, because this is what you needed to see about it: Rep. Clay Higgins would like to put the EPA administrator in Angola Prison. And he made sure to crop the news story so you’d know exactly why!
The Standing Rock Sioux follow the Oglala Sioux and the Cheyenne River Sioux in telling South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, who I think is going to be Trump’s veep nod (she’s pretty!), to get the fuck out of a full 10 percent of South Dakota. (Vanity Fair)
Is Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer paying Michiganders and Michigeese to take in illegal aliens? I wish! There’s always room for more friends in the Wonkette Mansion! (Detroit Free Press)
Judge Amit Mehta tells Texas AG Ken Paxton to stop harassing Media Matters on Elno’s behalf you fucking fascist (indirect quote). (Media Matters / Opinion)
Hey fellow olds, remember the Ford Pinto and how it kept going splodey splodey? Well neither does Tesla, which has killed ever so many more people! (BI)
I mean I get it, horny Vanity Fair writer kicked off the murder jury. I get it. (NY Daily News)
Joe Biden’s FTC under Lina Khan is fucking some corporations up, which I thought was what the Jill Stein wing of the Left has been begging for for decades, so it’s weird that they don’t acknowledge it or care. Sorry, that’s not the point of this post, “Silver or Lead,” I just get annoyed by it. Right, this post is about sleazeballs putting white collar prosecutors on trial for daring to try white collar crimes. (Matt Stoller)
Your kid’s Lunchables have high levels of lead, no silver (but cadmium!), good thing you would never feed them to your children, those things are disgusting. (Eating Well)
Now I am going to start using a bain marie, possibly named after a Jewish Egyptian alchemist maybe Moses’s sister (I can’t imagine it was Moses’s sister). (Atlas Obscura)
Oooooh Detroit “agrihood,” pretty! Heart eyes emoji but also star eyes emoji, heart star eyes emoji! (Michigan Urban Farming Initiative)
The bar cart OVER? Well fuck. Two editors debate! (House Beautiful)
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Time for comments!
Bee kind! Some ways to care for your bee friends this spring in the hed gif info tab: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/best-nectar-in-town-the-bees-knees
>> "Kristi Noem: get the fuck out of a full 10 percent of South Dakota." <<
Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry, Gov. Noem. This seems less than convenient I am sure, and we should have made this part of the original request, but while you are at it, could you please get the fuck out of a full 100% of the United States?
Thanks and have a nice day.