Yeah You Know What, Send Us Money

Too long since I subjected you to a proper MONEY YELLING.

LOOKIN GOOD, ME!!!!

Well well well, look who the cat dragged in. No, not me and the girls above, it is YOU. YOU were dragged in by a cat. And it has been three months since you’ve been yelled at to GIVE US MONEY.

Here’s what happened. Several days ago, one of you had the BAD IDEA JEANS to send an email complaining about the fact that you all had to look at Trump’s face in a post, and whatever happened to that time I gave you all pictures of cats for a week, and why didn’t we do that anymore, and other whines too.

And that person got YELLED AT. BY ME! And then yesterday, that person had the good sense and wisdom to SEND ME MONEY.

But I started thinking. That last money yell (they’re not money begs anymore), waaaaay back in the dawn of time of last December, promised you a week of cat pictures if you all got to 5000 subscribers. You never quite did. I am a big softie and gave you the cats anyway. And now it’s mid-April and you STILL haven’t gotten to 5000 subscribers. You’ve been ponging between 4985 and 4993 for THREE MONTHS NOW.

WTF.

This some nonsense.

So now it is “quarterly subscription drive” time, that’s what they call it at Talking Points Memo and those other places, wank wank wank.

Your new goal is FIFTY-TWO HUNDRED PAID SUBSCRIBERS. And while it’s sweet of you to cancel your subscription to subscribe again, or cancel your Paypal to subscribe over here, THAT WILL NOT COUNT.

YOU CAN’T TRICK ME. I AM UNTRICKABLE.

So. If you’ve got five or eight or 10 or 120 or 5000 spare bucks a month, be the Wonkette you want to see in the world. Subscribe here at Substack

for a very limited suite of price options, or you can subscribe over here with this guy

for literally like any amount you want to put in. Give it a couple days, and you’ll get a notice from me that you’ve been “comped” in the back end and you too are A SUBSCRIBER.

Oh right, why are you subscribing again? Is it because Wonkette is so important, saving your life through the bullshits and bringing you all the news that matters, and keeping you hollowly, mordantly laughing through the tears?

No. It’s because if we reach our goal, you won’t have to see any Trump faces for a week, and we will give you pictures of CATS.

OPEN THREAD!