Is The Supreme Court Actually Just A Nice Home Upstate For Elderly Judges?

An investigation into Samuel Alito’s brain.

Some of Alito’s fellow “Stop the Steal” enthusiasts! Photo by Colin Lloyd on Unsplash

Today we have a new book out by Supreme Court Justice Sam Alito!

The book is called So Ordered: An Originalist's View of the ConstizzzzZZZzzz sorry, you’re going to have to look this tedious shit up yourself. But apparently, in this new book, which is a collection of his boring, bigoted speeches, he calls same-sex marriage a “decisive” turn against “religious liberty.”

What?

Alito suggests in his book that the marriage decision has effectively silenced Americans whose sincere religious beliefs favor limiting unions to one man and one woman, likening them to Catholics who were sidelined in post-Reformation England.

They “had been so beaten down that they were ‘a people who shunned the light of day.’ They were ‘found in corners, and alleys, and cellars, and the housetops, or in the recesses of the country,’” he said in a newly-published speech delivered in 2021 at Thomas Aquinas College.

“What I predicted in my dissent is coming to pass,” Alito said of same-sex marriage opponents.

Man, what the fuck are you talking about? People falling in love and getting married don’t have any effect on your life whatsoever. Mind your own business and stay out of other peoples’ bedrooms, you nannystater creep!

Further, this has nothing to do with reality. It was all made up inside his head.

Alito is supposed to be one of the nation’s Great Thinkers, carefully considering and making decisions that will affect every single one of us, and making the choices with the full weight of the public’s trust behind him, along with the other members of the Supreme Court!

Instead, he’s a conspiracy theorist getting his news on social media. You can tell by the subject matter he chooses to spotlight:

Throughout the book, the justice cites a string of lawsuits to reach the Supreme Court in recent years as evidence that, in his opinion, “support for religious liberty has cratered.”

The cases he uses as examples involve businesses threatened with punishment for refusing to provide services for gay weddings and faith-based organizations harmed by government health or employment regulations without any religious exemption.

Uh huh.

Given this and other public statements Alito has been making for several years now, I am actually very concerned for his mental and emotional well-being. He does not seem to have a basic understanding of the reality of the present United States, and only the barest idea of what is going on around him at any time.

Consider this recent column, that was presumably vetted and edited by somebody before it was printed in the Wall Street Journal. Imagine how much worse it must have been before it went through edits!

Insecure originalists may worry that they are subconsciously engaging in “judicial activism” in the service of their own policy preferences. As a result, they may welcome occasions when their originalist analysis leads to results they dislike. They experience a brief catharsis, a release of their anxiety about succumbing to temptation.

What are you talking about, man? You are just making up people to be mad at! The entire column goes on in this vein for ages. If your grandfather was rambling about this type of shit in front of you featuring people he made up in his own head, wouldn’t you be concerned for his well-being, too? My grandpa did, so we put him in a home!

And then of course, there’s this, sticking out of the copy like a punchbowl poop, as though he remembered his own half-forgotten obsession halfway through the column:

• Icarigan originalism. Like the boy in Greek mythology who flew too close to the sun, originalists sometimes lose sight of what constitutional text would have meant to ordinary people when those provisions were adopted. Instead, they assume that those provisions embody broad abstract principles, which justify results that would have astonished the lawmakers who ratified them.

A prime example is a scholarly brief filed in Obergefell v. Hodges(2015). The Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment provides that no person may be deprived of “liberty” without due process. For an originalist, the question presented in Obergefell was whether the term “liberty” was understood to include the right to legal recognition of a same-sex marriage. It is impossible to maintain that the general public or lawmakers in 1868 understood the amendment as requiring states to recognize such unions. Yet that’s what the brief argued.

Additionally, Alito has shown a pattern of emotional volatility and instability, lack of object permanence, and he seems to believe everything he reads on Facebook.

For example, he’s all in on the “Stop the Steal” conspiracy theory that QAnon acolytes were pushing back in 2020. He actually believed what that old crank Roger Stone and random pig farmers were saying about China, and fake vote tallying machines. Just like the people profiled here!

He’s also a religious extremist, which — as with many people — has only gotten worse as he has gotten older.

His colleagues, who must see this, are apparently leaking stories about his imminent retirement every year.

In a preview clip circulated online by the network, Alito told Jan Crawford, CBS national correspondent, that “I thought about” retiring at the end of the supreme court term that ended in June, saying: “It’s something that I think someone at my age has to think about.”

Consider, too, the time that he apparently leaked the Roe v. Wade decision before it became public. Or did he actually leak it? Or did he just ramble about it in a bar somewhere and then forget he’d said it?

But I’m not just being mean. This is a pattern of behavior that goes back several years, and that I think needs to be addressed for his own sake, as well as the country’s. It is very concerning that he is so gullible and open to fraudulent activity.

I think he and his wife must just sit around reading Facebook and forwarded emails, believing every single thing they read. I know a lot of older couples like that; they don’t have many friends, or people who really like them, and so it’s just them and their social media or now, ChatGPT, wide-open to graft. Their behavior is full of red flags, and other types of flags!

Two flags connected to the “Stop the Steal” movement were seen flying at homes owned by Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, according to reports in the New York Times. The flags — an upside-down Stars and Stripes and the “Appeal to Heaven” flag — are both considered emblems of the conspiracy theory that the 2020 election was “stolen.”

That was six years ago. He should have been getting help in the intervening years rather than continuing to be put under pressure, which is clearly flustering and confusing him. He maybe doesn’t even realize that the flag he raised was upside down.

He has also become quite fragile, saying that writing decisive legal opinions in the service of taking away the rights of others, is frightening:

He asserted that overturning Roe v Wade – a decision disapproved by nearly six in 10 Americans, according to polling by the Pew Research Center – required “courage” from him and the four justices who joined his opinion: Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, Barrett and Thomas.

Bless his heart, that must have been so scary for him, but that’s not what real life is like. Sitting down and writing something doesn’t require courage. I know, because I am doing it right now. You know what actually does? Giving yourself a hanger abortion in a hospital parking lot.

Having someone this compromised in our nation’s highest court is not just bad for the country; it is starting to look a lot like elder abuse.

Samuel Alito might have been good at his job once, I don’t know. What I do know is that he does not seem to have control of his faculties like he once did. He comes from a time that is now long gone, and because he is old and lacks the ability to adapt, he becomes confused.

I hope that he’s able to get the hope he needs!

Finally, if his job is so very important, where is he finding the time to promote this terrible book of his? Man, it’s all I can do most days to haul my tired old carcass out for an afternoon constitutional, but then again, I don’t get paid Infinite Monies™ from the world’s eugenicists to try and destroy the American Dream, do I?

Allegedly!