It’s National Good & Plenty Day, For People Who Like Candy That Tastes Like Poison

It’s also World Polio Day and we don’t want to know how RFK Jr is celebrating.

Here we have the lovely Casey, courtesy of our pal lotsacatsendogs

Happy Weekend!

It’s spooky season, and today, apparently, is a special day for fourth-tier Halloween villains. The number one Halloween villain is, of course, the people who are weirdly militant about how “Halloween should only be for the little ones,” because they suck. Honestly, be glad your teenage neighbors are doing something as silly as dressing up and going around getting candy. Also because they are absolutely always the kind of people who say things like “the little ones.” I hate them and so should you. Number two villain? People giving away things that are not candy — the neighborhood dentist who gives away smug toothbrushes of judgment, the weird Christians who hand out the Jack T. Chick pamphlets or otherwise use trick-or-treating as an attempt to proselytize to other people’s children and, of course, the absolute psychopaths who hand out bags of pennies. I mean, just imagine, sitting there spending all of that time making little bags of pennies just to disappoint and confuse children.

But the number three spot goes to those who give out licorice and other candy that no one wants. I mean, my mom liked black licorice so I would give her mine, but I assure you that the vast majority of those little purple boxes of Good & Plentys are going untouched. This is not a judgment on people who like black licorice, but we have to be honest with ourselves when we like something that most other people, children especially, are not going to be into — and according to one random study I just found, licorice is the second most actively hated food in America, after anchovies.

How is mayonnaise that far down the list?

I actually happen to like anchovies (as long as I’m not literally looking at a whole anchovy body with the head and everything), but I would not give them out to children for Halloween, because of how I am not a monster.

Anyway, as your first present this week, for reasons of festivity and sentiment, I give to you the 1986 made-for-television classic The Worst Witch, starring the late, great Tim Curry.

And next? Another Halloween special! From the ‘80s! Starring Blanche Devereaux!

I have not actually seen that one, but I am absolutely going to watch it because I did skip through a bit to see what she looked like in it and I’m already obsessed.

And, finally, I present to you Lionel Barrymore’s Halloween album, a thing that exists! Sorry, Lionel Barrymore’s “Hallowe’en” album.

You are welcome.

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