756 Comments
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Martini Glambassador's avatar

Every single news org on the planet is covering Moo Deng, so should the BEST and LAST website on the planet. Yes, that's Moo Deng in your hed gif. Who is Moo Deng? I'm here to help: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/moo-deng-the-bouncy-pigmy-hippo

Check out the beat while the meme chat revolves it: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/05335e87-5d44-4d74-b4ec-de16df7aa371

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Ward From Cali's avatar

Hippos! I told ya we needed some hippos!

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Satanic Pancake's avatar

The hippos is proof of ancient AI. There's no way that is a real animal.

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subterrene's avatar

Ancient AI is the name of my synth-prog free jazz band.

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OneYieldRegular's avatar

I really had no idea that babbi hippopotami looked a lot like smooth, shiny tardigrades.

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biff murphy's avatar

Moo Deng is stretchy pork.

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The Blessed Reverend's avatar

*SOB*

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Lefty Wright's avatar

All the other pygmy hippo moms are going to be jealous. I can hear them now. "My little Wang Chung is a lot cuter. And smart! Why he can already spell his name!" Or "My darling Bai Ling has a modeling contract too! And she doesn't need makeup. Her natural beauty is unsurpassed." Or "Moo Deng's mom is a slut."

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Lascauxcaveman's avatar

C'mon, these are hippo moms, not tiger moms.

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Menotsure's avatar

A hippo is no pig of course

Their ancient name means "river horse"

They grow huge and like it wet

So they are surely no house pet

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Androgenous AF's avatar

Nor are they married to charlie k...

Which the are thankful each and every day!

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Androgenous AF's avatar

They are thankful...

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The Blessed Reverend's avatar

Our english speech is old and great

But in rhymes is poor, make no mistake

A pygme hippo stands all alone

Without a rhyme for noble Moo Deng!

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Billy Wigglestaff's avatar

Positively Nashian!

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Menotsure's avatar

High praise!

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

*applauds*

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Menotsure's avatar

Thank ye.

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IMPOed's avatar

Are there pygmy hippos in the wild?

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

Yes, although endangered and down to somewhere between 2 and 3 thousand.

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Stanta Knows's avatar

Is moist potato

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Linda1961 is woke and proud's avatar

Squee!!!!

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tehbaddr's avatar

But does NOT taste like pork.

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Tastes like chicken

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Shocktreatment's avatar

It is right and just that the 𝘞𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 cover the exuberant Moo Deng last.

In the inimitable words of every gymnast whoever watched Simone Biles, "𝘺𝘰𝘶 wanna follow 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?"

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Internet Personae's avatar

Freedom Hogs! -

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PickwickNext's avatar

Moo Deng (apparent rough translation: Bouncy Pork) reminds me of the great Canadian House Hippo:

https://youtu.be/NBfi8OEz0rA?feature=shared

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tehbaddr's avatar

Now I want house hippo!

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PickwickNext's avatar

All Canadians in their 30s to early 50s still do

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Elderly John's avatar

Its that the hippo in hippo birdie two yew?

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northern point's avatar

🐑🐑!

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Snarfyguy's avatar

I used to want to have a baby hippo, but now I want to BE a baby hippo.

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Prostate of Dorian Gray's avatar

I think I still want to have a baby panda more, but it's really close.

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

She is definitely living the life.

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Ranji Thangiah's avatar

Hey!!! Evan I do make a slow cooker chicken curry! And Tooting is my neighbourhood definitely not farts! 😂 This little part of London is a little epicentre of Sri Lankan grocery stores and restaurants, I'm very lucky to be living there!

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PRW's avatar

"HER NEIGHBORHOOD IN LONDON, and not farts" Are you sure the neighborhood isn't named for the farts, though?

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Jus_Wonderin's avatar

Vance: "Haitian immigrants are eating eggs!! Expensive eggs!!"

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Stuart's avatar

"Mark Robinson says he’s suing CNN, gonna find the guy who did this, giant dick-whacking motion dot gif."

He should check with O.J.

Ooops --- O.J.'s dead.

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Jeremiah Brewer's avatar

Antisemitism as a mainstream position on the American right might be overshadowed right now by antisemitism on the American left.

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Mark Linimon's avatar

I sure am shocked at this new development of antisemitism on the right. Nope, never has happened before.

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Stranger Than Friction's avatar

It's one of the Isms. That's bad no matter where it turns up. BOO to the Isms! BOOOOOOO!

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Khavrinen's avatar

"Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy visited an ammunition factory in Scranton, Pennsylvania, yesterday, OH NO IS HE STEALING THE NOMINATION FROM KAMALA HARRIS?"

You can be sure he's not taking J.D. Vance's spot -- even if Trump begged him to.

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Erin's avatar

You cannot stop my juvenile delinquency, Evan! It's irrepressible!

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Sunshine Moonshine's avatar

Today is picture day for the junior moonshines. One is wearing a royal blue 3 piece suit with deadpool earrings. The other is wearing pansexual pride dangly heart earrings, a toddler-sized T-shirt, and my adult-size flannel shirt on top, with long stabby stick-on nails. No one can accuse my kids of being boring.

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Stranger Than Friction's avatar

I salute your sartorial parenting chops, Sunshine Moonshine! (Claps approvingly)

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DrBDH's avatar

Has anyone asked Speaker Mike’s Johnson what he thinks of Mark Robinson’s pornopalooza?

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Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

There's an app for that!

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I don't think it's fair that Wonkette would automatically assume the worst of us when we see Tooting Mama.

Obviously, it's true. It's just not fair.

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TalentNotAutotune's avatar

MOAR THOUGHTS:

(1) if PAB were to enact a 200% tariff on goods sold by John Deere that were made in Mexico, do you know what John Deere would do? No, they would not come back to the US; what they would do is sell their products EVERYWHERE BUT THE USA

(2) The QAnon Cretins referenced a Q drop from 2018 that while in the air, someone fired a missile at Air Force One but an F-16 shot it down. First of all, F-16s do not have the capability to shoot down missiles. Second, of course this never happened BUT the alleged date of it happening is the same date as PAB returning to Butler, PA (October 5th). Naturally, all the QAnon Cretins are in orgasmic ecstatsy

(3) PAB is trying to revive a racketeering suit he filed against Hillary Clinton and others. One of the others is James Comey and while this suit should be filed in the Shit Can, I can't say I'd be upset if Comey was left in as the only defendant and had to explain himself before a judge

(4) And of course, the QAnon Cretins are also in orgasmic splendor (sorry) about the Diddy arrest because they are positive that Diddy is going to implicate everyone in Hollywood and DC.

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Stranger Than Friction's avatar

“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”

--The character of Mr. Bennett in Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice

.

I shouldn't laugh at the QAnon-ers but I can't help it. I can't say I'd be upset about Comey in #3 either.

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old stageguy's avatar

I'm probably wrong, because IANAL, but it just seems like you can't simply sue the press for spreading what is actually true. That feels to me like the wrongest way to do FREEDOM.

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Gary Seven in Space's avatar

Fake lawsuits can be as effective as fake "investigations"...keeps BS flowing on Bullshit Mountain.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

Well, you see, you CAN simply sue the press.

You just can't WIN.

So if you have money and they don't, you can sue as much as you like and tie things up in paperwork with your expensive lawyers filing complicated motions and making life hell for the other side until the election is over and long forgotten. And eventually your suit will get tossed, but you can cause a lot of economic damage along the way, along with changing the public story from "this is true" to "this is hotly contested in the courts".

Of course, how long you can keep the dance going is limited pretty drastically if you sue someone with pockets as deep as a large corporation, but even then, if you just need to keep the dance going for a few weeks to get past Nov 5th, you can do that. Our courts move slowly after all.

Technically the big limiter here is that the lawyer you hire risks disbarment for filing a lawsuit that they know to be frivolous, so if you really don't have a case, you're not supposed to be able to get a lawyer, but consequences for shitty lawyers taking unethical cases are so unlikely (and so small for a first offence even if you do FAFO) that it really is no deterrent these days.

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old stageguy's avatar

Right, there is that. After all, it is one of TFG's favorite hobbies, along with money laundering, his latest grift, making every single thing all about himself, and stiffing his legal teams?

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Servilia Caepio's avatar

Evan, I've been to 70 countries and Sri Lankan food is by far, IMO, the best!! And the tea!! OMG! Can't get enough. Had to order all the ingredients. I tried making a curry and failed. Turns out curry leaves are a really strong flavor and for me, difficult to cook with. You may need a clay pot. Please share the results with us!

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Ranji Thangiah's avatar

Glad to hear you love Sri Lankan food! I use a sprig or two of curry leaves, and cook the with onions, garlic and ginger and some spices such as cumin and mustards seeds with a chilli or two at the start or end of recipe depending on what you are making. It's case of balancing out the flavours. @tootingmama

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TalentNotAutotune's avatar

FACTS: (1) the kid that shot at PAB was a conservative and his classmates said one of the reasons he was picked on was because he was the ONLY "conservative" in their class. He absolutely, positively wasn't a "deranged liberal"; and (2) the dude that staked out the golf course but got caught before he could get off a shot VOTED FOR PAB and felt let down by PAB because he thought that PAB's scuttling of the Iran agreement negotiated by the Obama administration is what led to the bloodshed in the Middle East. He also was not a "deranged liberal", he was a TRUMP VOTER.

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Enter Ranting's avatar

PAB makes up a lot of insane promises to his MAGAts to keep them satisfied. Then he reneges on those promises, and the gun-humpers are starting to shoot at him. I predicted this would happen years ago.

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Doug Langley's avatar

Well! I'm sure the media will have screaming headlines about that, right? Right??

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TalentNotAutotune's avatar

To steal a line from The QAon Cretins:

WE ARE THE MEDIA. So spread the word!

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Doug Langley's avatar

I was amazed that team Trump actually said one reason he's doing fewer rallies is because he's getting old. Holy shamoley, if Biden said that they'd be howling for months.

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Anzu's avatar

The new conspiracy theory is that the PAB has been told he just has to win, then he'll be allowed to retire immediately and Vance will become president and do all the hard work and pardon him and he can just go play golf all day and not worry his pretty little head about anything.

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Satanic Pancake's avatar

At least the USSS is branching out from hookers and blow. Also, have we considered that they are law enforcement? Maybe they are relying on the fact that the police have no actual responsibility to prevent crimes or help people, and figure it applies to them as well.

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