Ivanka Trump Bringing Vast Knowledge Of Fashion Merchandising To White House 'Job'

Ivanka Trump has been given an official position in the White House as an advisor to her daddy. The position will be unpaid, making her more like a princess who gets to talk sometimes than anything else.

Now, some might call that "nepotism" -- or suggest that hiring one's own family to do everything is kind of a corrupt thing to do -- but need I remind you that several royal rulers of centuries past often relied on family members as counselors? For instance, Mikhail Romanov, the first of the Romanov Tsars, was appointed Tsar when he was but 17 years old, and thus relied heavily on the advice of his mother, "The Great Nun" Martha, for a while, and then his father, Patriarch Filaret, after he got back from exile, and his mother's relatives who were actually pretty corrupt, actually.

But you know what none of those people had? Experience in fashion! Which is probably how Mikhail ended up looking like this:

Would you just look at that hat? Did no one ever tell him to remove one accessory before leaving the house? And, really, the whole thing is a little matchy-matchy.

This is just the kind of expertise Ivanka Trump could bring to the table. Like, for instance, she just decided to cease selling her fine jewelry line in order to focus on jewelry with a more affordable price-point. (And we imagine, without looking it up, that it had nothing to do with her getting sued for millions for not paying for her fine jewelry line's diamonds.) Now that's a thing that probably no White House advisor has done before! That is clearly the kind of bold decision-making we need in the White House, for sure.

Without her, it is entirely likely that Trump could start going around wearing weird beanie-copter hats with crosses on them. Also, like -- say the military needed new uniforms. She could get the company that makes all of her stuff to make them. Just so long as the military likes kinda-dumpy looking floral patterns! Also, just think of how she will improve the White House gift shop!

And let us not forget about her modeling experience. You know who was never in Maxim's Top 100? David Axelrod. You know who was? Ivanka Trump.

See how Ivanka pulls off wearing a lot of gold but without too many accessories? TAKE NOTES, FUTURE ADVISORS! This experience will certainly be invaluable when it comes to the annual White House Swimsuit Calendar! Who else is gonna teach Rex Tillerson how to pose?

Additionally, modeling helps you learn poise, or at least that is what all those Barbizon Modeling School commercials taught me. That and that if I paid them a bunch of money, I could be a model or just look like one. The poise, perhaps, to help your dad when he's having kind of an episode in front of Angela Merkel and has no idea what he's even talking about.

All hail Princess Ivanka!

[ CNN ]