On Sunday, vice presidential candidate and bearded fuckwit JD Vance sat down with CNN’s Jake Tapper for an interview on a range of topics, including Vance’s outlook on the state of America, his goals for his potential vice presidency, and his dreams and aspirations for the future of his children, your children, and the nation he hopes to lead.
Ha ha, we kid. Mostly we learned what we already knew, which is that JD Vance is a flaming sack of crap, a narrow-minded, arrogant cretin who is in way, way, way over his head. For 17 minutes he sneered at and insulted anyone who thinks Donald Trump is unfit to be president, he deflected Tapper’s questions, he was belligerent, and he twisted himself into knots trying to make Trump sound like the only sane person in a government awash in incompetent haters who are just jealous of Trump’s general awesomeness.
All credit to Jake Tapper, though. He managed to get nearly two full minutes into his interview with Senator Butthair before he made this face:
That was right after Vance accused former Marine general and Trump chief of staff John Kelly of being a war-monger who wants to get America involved in “a ton of ridiculous military conflicts,” and Tapper said essentially, My dude, he lost his own son in Afghanistan and I’ve never heard him actually advocate for expanding that war or really express any opinion of that particular conflict at all, are you sure you want to talk about him like he’s Robert Duvall in The Great Santini?
It did not get better from there, as Vance continued talking up Trump as the peace candidate and accusing neocons of calling him a dictator because they were mad he wouldn’t take their advice and bomb Iran or something.
Then he accused Kelly of coordinating with the Kamala Harris campaign before he started giving interviews calling Trump a danger to the country:
TAPPER: You said the other day -- quote -- "I guarantee John Kelly talked to somebody on Kamala Harris's campaign beforehand," before he did this interview. Now, I've spoken with people in John Kelly's circle and I've spoken with people in the Kamala Harris campaign. They say there's been no communication the entire time. So where did that come from?
VANCE: Oh, I'm highly skeptical of that, Jake. You know the way that these attacks work. You know the way that these people are often vetted by a campaign before something goes out there.TAPPER: So you made it up?
If JD Vance has to create stories so that the American media actually pay attention to the suffering of the American people, then that's what he’s going to do, Jake, because you guys are completely letting Kamala Harris coast …
Ahem, yes. He made it up, as immediately became obvious:
VANCE: If it is true that he never spoke with anyone in Kamala Harris's orbit, I'm happy to apologize to John Kelly for misstating how he delivered this news to ‘The Atlantic’ magazine. But let's talk about who -- who did he deliver this news to? To Jeffrey Goldberg, a guy who lied the United States into the Iraq war, which led to the deaths of millions of innocent Arabs and thousands of innocent Americans. You don't go to that guy if you don't have a particular ideological motive. I think that's what's going on. If I'm wrong, I'm happy to say that I'm wrong.
That’s a neat trick, because it puts the entire onus on John Kelly to prove a negative. That’s why he can so generously say he’ll admit he’s wrong, because there is no way to definitely prove what happened one way or the other.
It went on and on like that, with Tapper bringing up specific threats Trump has made — using the military on American protestors, deporting Special Counsel Jack Smith, putting Liz Cheney in front of a war tribunal. All this left Vance in the position of having to defend the indefensible, which he didn’t really want to do because A) he wants to be one 78-year-old heartbeat away from the world’s most powerful office, and B) because he genuinely agrees with all these dumbass accusations and threats.
TAPPER: None of that sounds fascist to you at all?
VANCE: No, of course it doesn't.
TAPPER: Putting Liz Cheney before a military tribunal?
VANCE: First of all, I don't buy into the premise of what you're saying, Jake.
TAPPER: These are things he said. These are things he said.
Tapper was so incensed by the time he got to that last line that we genuinely wondered if he was going to stand up, take off his jacket and tie, and start beating JD Vance with the nearest piece of furniture he could lift.
There is a lot more, which you can watch here if you have 17 minutes and no more will to live:
We specifically recommend the exchange around the 15-minute mark, when Vance again accuses former Trump administration officials of simply being disgruntled employees who couldn’t get the boss to start a bajillion wars, and Jake Tapper responds, with a level of incredulity normally reserved for movie actors looking up at the fleet of city-sized UFOs that have suddenly appeared in the skies overhead, “That’s really your argument???”
Yes, it is JD Vance’s argument. Because — and we can’t stress this enough — he is a soulless pile of human butthair and naked ambition, and he has the higher-thought processes of a banana. If it wasn’t for all that, he would still suck.
[YouTube / Interview transcript]
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You know, JD, I really dislike that little thing you do when you constantly address people by their first name to signal your condescension. If you think, JD, that gives you an upper hand or makes your argument seem more concrete, you are mistaken. In fact, JD, instead of signalling strength and higher intellect it makes you come off as an arrogant know it all whose style is only paled by the substance of your words. Do you know what I am saying, JD?
Huh. Tapper could have been convicted of actual journalism based on this interview. That's quite a risk he took.