James Comer NAILS! Biden For Maybe Knowing About Possible Schemes His Family Coulda Done With Perhaps China?
Something something Hunter Biden's penis.
Big stupid lummox Eric Trump is caterwauling on Twitter that nobody would be drawing attention to his cavorting with Nazis and antisemites if it wasn't the "eve of the congressional probe into Biden family corruption." Bless his heart, he is even dumber than we thought if he thinks there is anyone in America right now who is worried about the babbling Republican hicks in Congress and their endless pursuits of Hunter Biden's penis.
And he's even dumber than THAT if he thinks people are scared of Deliverance extra and House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer, who held a little press conference today to announce detailed accusations into nefarious foreign dealing done by the Bidens. Haha just kidding, that redneck didn't announce shit. He's been previewing this all week and he didn't announce shit. Just like last week he didn't announce shit.
Let's look at some videos of that little pig turd yokel's presser and see what happened. Obviously we will be lovingly borrowing the videos from Aaron Rupar, who lovingly clips them.
In this first one, Comer says the "Bidens have received millions of dollars from China. It is INCONCEIVABLE! that the president did not know it." So that's not an accusation. That is simply James Comer sittin' on the front porch strummin' on his banjo sayin' he can't believe Joe Biden didn't know 'bout it, come on now! STRUM!
“so it still doesn't sound like Comer has evidence incriminating Joe Biden ...”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
In this one, Nancy Mace, one of the most two-faced clown-assed members of Congress — and by the way Annie Karni of the New York Times should fucking resign in shame for the slobbering profile she published of Mace yesterday — says they're not "conspiracy theorists." More quote below the video:
“Nancy Mace: "There are more possible allegations that need to be investigated." #PossibleAllegations”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
Follow this triflin' fuckin' asshole:
"What we're proving to you today, is showing you actual bank records, actual evidence of shell companies and businesses or more businesses and more Bidens involved than we knew of, you have to issue more subpoenas because every time we turn over a rock, there's more information, there's more possible corruption, there's more possible allegations that need to be investigated."
You got that?
According to Mace, they have proven that "bank records" and "shell companies" and "more Bidens involved than we knew of" and when they turn over rocks there is "possible corruption" and "possible allegations."
Actual accusations against Bidens: Still jack-fucking-shit.
She wasn't done.
“Nancy Mace: "If these allegations, any of these allegations are proven true, then someone with the last name Biden needs to be charged, prosecuted, maybe spend a little time in prison"”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
"If these allegations, any of these allegations, are proven true, then someone with the last name 'Biden' needs to be charged, prosecuted, and maybe spend a little time in prison to take to account and responsible for the actions they've taken today."
Which allegations? THE ALLEGATIONS.
Which Biden? SOME BIDEN.
The last part of that quote? Dunno, we think she might have had a wee stroke.
Tally of specific accusations so far: Go fuck yourself.
It was time for somebody else to take a turn, so Byron Donalds, the Republican congressman the nutcases kept nominating for speaker during that fight so that they could brag that they had a Black friend, spoke up.
“"I'm giving you Pulitzer stuff here" -- Byron Donalds”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
He said: "Web of LLCs? I mean, guys, you in the press, this is easy pickings, I'm giving you Pulitzer stuff here! Like all you have to do is literally look at our memo and see the level of detail upon which they have created this!"
Right? Why won't the press look at "web of LLCs" and win a Pulitzer for easy pickings? It's all in the memo! (That is definitely how you win Pulitzers, by copy/pasting whatever paint-huffing wet farts Republicans blurt out in press conferences and write in memos.)
The memo even has fun diagrams like this one, which appears to suggest that "Unknown Biden" received payments from "Hunter Biden."
Who is UNKNOWN BIDEN? Well, that's what James Comer is trying to figure out!
We could read the whole memo for ourselves, or we can just ask Comer if they've found anything Joe Biden did that was actually bad. Spoiler.
“Asked if he has evidence directly linking Joe Biden to alleged malfeasance, Comer indicates he does not”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
Get a load of these quotes:
"I don't think anyone in America ho's watchin' CSPAN or any other network that's coverin' this would think that it's just a coincidence that nine Biden family members received money for this influence-peddlin' scheme."
(Did we miss the part where Comer proved the existence of an "influence-peddlin' scheme"? We did not.)
"What business is 'dere? The media's always says two things, first of all the media have said, many in the media have said that no transactions happened while Joe Biden was vice president, we have proven that wrong. Joe Biden says in 2020 that his family had never taken money from China. Today we have proven that wrong."
It's right there in the chart with Unknown Biden, WHAR UNKNOWN BIDEN?
"We believe that the president has been involved in this from the very beginning."
Involved in what? The Chinese things with Unknown Biden? Not sure.
"Obviously," he added.
"We're gonna continue to look," he said.
"Right now you could say that we're in the beginning stages of this investigation."
Because they haven't found shit.
“Comer: "We're pretty confident that the president was very knowledgeable"”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
Comer said:
"We can tell you from the people that we're meeting with, that were involved with many of the schemes, that we're pretty confident that the president was very knowledgeable of what his family was doing."
They're just pretty sure Joe Biden knew the schemes. Which schemes? The ones his family may have been doing!
In this final clip, James Comer does that thing where he curls up his stinky little face and starts throwing Kentucky fried shade at Hunter Biden for literally no reason we can understand.
“Comer is just out here conjecturing”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1683725182
"It would be hard for me to believe that Hunter Biden was so charismatic that he could convince foreign nationals to wire millions of dollars into not just his account but eight of his family members' account."
James Comer is just sayin'! Heh heh heh! Hunter Biden! Not that charismatic!
From the very beginning this has seemed to come out of a weird prurient anger and jealousy at Hunter Biden.
We do not know why, maybe Comer is just mad that Hunter Biden's great big penis is so great big. Maybe that's why they're all mad.
What if UNKNOWN BIDEN is just the Secret Service's code name for Hunter's gargantuan wangus?
Could be!
The end.
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So let me get this straight. A company Hunter Biden and maybe some other members of his family were involved in did business in China and received money from Chinese individuals and/or companies in return?
Dear lord!
At least there wasn't some kind of smoking gun, like, you know, Hunter Biden receiving highly sought-after trademarks for his Chinese-made products or something in a clear quid-pro-quo between the Chinese government and his politician father.
'Cause that would be really bad and scandalous.