I get these repubic wankers confused. First we had James Comey jizzing and coming all over the 2016 erection with his lockerup bullshit. Then we got James Comer coming and spanking on the Overlook Committee for two years. These clowns are a bunch of fuckups that don't know up from down.
Wanglehonk. Now everyone else should post "wanglehonk" and maybe we can make it part of the American English lexicon. Maybe we can get it in the OED's quarterly update. Say it all the time. Say it to everyone.
Maybe if you say it three times fast, Hunter Biden will appear and buy you a drink. I'm going to try it. Don't wait up.
Ohio Secretary of State J. Kenneth Blackwell had to send a letter out to the county Boards of Election about procedural changes required due to changes in election law passed by the legislature. It was a standard form letter, with {County Name} County Board of Elections and the address as a mail merge file for the inside address at the top of the letter.
Before going out, that letter was proofread by the Secretary of State, the Assistant Secretary of State, the General Counsel, the Director of the Elections Division, the Elections Counsel, the Mail Room Supervisor, and the Mail Room Employee who set up the folding/envelope machine.
No one caught that the word county after the county name was missing the O.
"2023: James Comer’s Year Of Looking For Hunter Biden’s Penis But Never Finding It"
That very fine gentleman, James Comer, must have had his eyes closed during parts of the "hearing." MTG provided blow (pardon the pun) up copies of Hunter dick pics -- in direct violation of the laws in DC re sexually explicit pics:
(4) “Private area” means the genitals, anus, or pubic area of a person, or the nipple of a developed female breast, including the breast of a transgender female.
(5) “Publish” means to transfer or exhibit to 6 or more persons, or to make available for viewing by uploading to the Internet.
(6) “Sexual conduct” shall have the same meaning as provided in § 22-3101(5).
(7) “Sexual image” means a photograph, video, or other visual recording of an unclothed private area or of sexual conduct.
...
§ 22–3053. First-degree unlawful publication.
(a) It shall be unlawful in the District of Columbia for a person to knowingly publish one or more sexual images of another identified or identifiable person, whether obtained directly from the person or from a third party or other source, when:
(1) The person depicted did not consent to the publication of the sexual image;
(2) The person publishing the sexual image knew or consciously disregarded a substantial and unjustifiable risk that the person depicted did not consent to the publication; and
(3) The person published the sexual image with the intent to harm the person depicted or to receive financial gain.
(b) A person who violates this section shall be guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, shall be fined not more than the amount set forth in § 22-3571.01, imprisoned for not more than 3 years, or both." https://code.dccouncil.gov/us/dc/council/code/titles/22/chapters/30A
G-dess, hear my plea: may MTG be indicted, tried, convicted, and sent to prison for breaking the law, and may Comer be seriously sanctioned as an accessory.
The southern states seem to really be leaning into the stereotype that they are inbred idiots, as electing people as stupid as Comer and Tuberville just validates that assessment.
WILL, my man! Are you insinuating that we here at WANGLEHONK CENTRAL don't know how to use our preferred method of mirth? Too often I have been led astray by the occasional GUFFAWS, CHORTLES and a few TEE HEEs. Please be aware the collective WANGLEHONK burgeoning cult are attempting to carry on the new tradition! OK I'M DONE!
"How embarrassing for James Comer to get Russianly buttwashed like that so much!"
Unfortunately, the USA is an embarrassment to the entire fucking planet. I'm gonna start wearing a brown paper sack with cutout eye holes over my head like those football fans who are ashamed of their shitty football team and don't want to be found supporting it.
I'm so ashamed of my country right now - we all look like fools ya know? South Korea is in particular looking at the USA right now going "WTF assholes?"
It always reminds me how some evangelicals respond to any fact-based info that counters their ideas about science and history and morals and whatnot: they'll claim that the DEVIL HIMSELF has some how been at work creating false stories and messin' with our minds.
Everything goes to PROOF! for these folks, and makes me yearn for both critical thinking and civics to be taught more widely in our schools.
My fundie brother once told me that teh Debbil put all them so-called "fossils" in the ground to trick people.
Now, that opens up all kinds of boxes of questions.
Like, OK, Yahweh allowed teh Debbil to distribute these fake fossils around. The purpose of the said fake fossils is to deceive people. People thus deceived by those counterfeits could presumably decide that the biblical account of creation must therefore be false. Those individuals thus fooled could then decide that the rest of the Bible is not true, or at least not the infallible word of Yahweh. This could lead to those individuals falling into eternal, like forever, punishment.
All of that to say that this all-loving, merciful, god who presumably wants everybody to spend eternity with him/it, knowing that teh Debbil's deceit could send people to a forever of torture said, "Cool, cool." In which case he is involved in the very deceit that damns people to eternity in hell and gave tacit approval.
Yeah, reading the bibble and all of its stories about fratricide and smiting and incest and children torn asunder by bears for laughing at a prophet made me realize that if there was a god like that then I didn't want to go to his heaven.
Then I read the good part of the good book and really loved that hippie Jesus and all the things he had to say about brotherly love and sharing what we have but then that god guy had to throw his two cents in and have him killed for "reasons" or so the book said.
Personally I think that part was made up by his followers to spice up the narrative and make people think that there was some kind of reward later for being kind now in spite of what the rest of humanity seems to be intent on doing.
I don’t believe in a Supreme Being, or deities in general. But the one I was raised to believe in wasn’t a dick (the whole “loving god to whom you can turn for guidance and support” was a big part of my upbringing), and I’ve never understood how a supposed Good Christian could read the Gospel (which is supposed to be the root of the belief, not the Old Testament) and then go back to the Terrifying God who Punishes and Shames.
But then, evangelicals are big on the Pick and Choose version of reading scripture.
El Dad always held that the god a person worships is usually a reflection of the kind of person they are or the kind of person they wish they could be - either because they wish they were better or they wish they had the nerve or the resources to be worse than they are.
Hmm Comer was about 16 when this song/poem was written. We were terrible and immature and offensive 1980's male teenagers. The magical sexual monkey wrench was part of our world building.
Country Wrench
(Vamp of verse to I walk the Line in the background)
--
When I was still a sticky young pup
my daddy took me down to the hog butchering shed
to tell me in all his righteous wisdom
all about the ancient art of procreation
why commies can't get dates
and the advantages of enlisting livestock
for recreational porpoises
Havin' had my head stuffed full of all this knowledge
- combined with the fumes of grandpa's secret hog curing elixirs
I foolishly asked my pa what he did on those days
where he'd trudge off behind the barn with a gunny sack
Well he playfully chucked a few pigs feet off my forehead,
set me up on a big old barrel of jellied pig entrails,
scratched that wart of his with his good hand and said:
"Boy on the day I married your sister
I grabbed my best sour mash and went behind the barn
et some of those little fungi things that grow on cow shit
and went off to hunt purple possum.
Well I ran into one of them Boudreau's and he had a 12-gauge
took me at gunpoint off to his farm
stuffed my mouth with crawfish
Stripped me
hog tied me
smeared me with sow hormones
and threw me in the pig pen
I stayed in that pig pen for three whole days
I coulda left after and hour but...
son you'll understand when you're older
Anyway they threatened to destroy my credit rating
at the local brothel slash livestock warehouse so I had to go.
You know son, when I was wallowing around in that there pig pen
I saw a curious object
I thought it was one of those regular wrenches you see in the city
but when I accidentally touched it to my naughties
I knew that it was....
Well son you might not understand this
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
so I put that there monkey wrench where no one was gonna find it.
('cept maybe your sis)
and walked back home savoring the sweet smell of manure in the summer sunshine.
And you know, son, it wasn't for two WHOLE weeks before I felt that dank monkey wrench
finally slide down the left leg of my overalls.":
My paw just grinned me and I sat on that big ol' barrel of jellied pig entrails a long time
James Comer is from Monroe County, also known as Moron county by its neighbors. Our county is best known for its corruption.
OT: dingleberries learned that from my dictionary-reading middle school days. Underutilized imho, Applies to almost all repugnacan pols.
He knows. He can't present a single shred of evidence to back up anything he says, but he absolutely, positively knows.
This is God's side of the street, Jimmy. Go find your own corner.
I get these repubic wankers confused. First we had James Comey jizzing and coming all over the 2016 erection with his lockerup bullshit. Then we got James Comer coming and spanking on the Overlook Committee for two years. These clowns are a bunch of fuckups that don't know up from down.
I keep them straight with a little mnemonic.
Comey's the stupid one, Comer's the stupider one.
Wanglehonk. Now everyone else should post "wanglehonk" and maybe we can make it part of the American English lexicon. Maybe we can get it in the OED's quarterly update. Say it all the time. Say it to everyone.
Maybe if you say it three times fast, Hunter Biden will appear and buy you a drink. I'm going to try it. Don't wait up.
look he's just a simple cuntry boy and he don't grok no russian ok? (leaving in the typo, so there)
Ohio Secretary of State J. Kenneth Blackwell had to send a letter out to the county Boards of Election about procedural changes required due to changes in election law passed by the legislature. It was a standard form letter, with {County Name} County Board of Elections and the address as a mail merge file for the inside address at the top of the letter.
Before going out, that letter was proofread by the Secretary of State, the Assistant Secretary of State, the General Counsel, the Director of the Elections Division, the Elections Counsel, the Mail Room Supervisor, and the Mail Room Employee who set up the folding/envelope machine.
No one caught that the word county after the county name was missing the O.
made my day
All that nonsense instead of being the top legislative body in the country. Dereliction of duty.
"2023: James Comer’s Year Of Looking For Hunter Biden’s Penis But Never Finding It"
That very fine gentleman, James Comer, must have had his eyes closed during parts of the "hearing." MTG provided blow (pardon the pun) up copies of Hunter dick pics -- in direct violation of the laws in DC re sexually explicit pics:
"Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) on Wednesday showed what appeared to be sexually explicit images of Hunter Biden, President Biden’s son, during a hearing of the House Oversight and Accountability Committee" https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/07/19/marjorie-taylor-greene-hunter-biden-photos/
whereas the law reads:
"Code of the District of Columbia
Chapter 30A. Non-Consensual Pornography.
§ 22–3051. Definitions.
For the purposes of this chapter, the term:
...
(4) “Private area” means the genitals, anus, or pubic area of a person, or the nipple of a developed female breast, including the breast of a transgender female.
(5) “Publish” means to transfer or exhibit to 6 or more persons, or to make available for viewing by uploading to the Internet.
(6) “Sexual conduct” shall have the same meaning as provided in § 22-3101(5).
(7) “Sexual image” means a photograph, video, or other visual recording of an unclothed private area or of sexual conduct.
...
§ 22–3053. First-degree unlawful publication.
(a) It shall be unlawful in the District of Columbia for a person to knowingly publish one or more sexual images of another identified or identifiable person, whether obtained directly from the person or from a third party or other source, when:
(1) The person depicted did not consent to the publication of the sexual image;
(2) The person publishing the sexual image knew or consciously disregarded a substantial and unjustifiable risk that the person depicted did not consent to the publication; and
(3) The person published the sexual image with the intent to harm the person depicted or to receive financial gain.
(b) A person who violates this section shall be guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, shall be fined not more than the amount set forth in § 22-3571.01, imprisoned for not more than 3 years, or both." https://code.dccouncil.gov/us/dc/council/code/titles/22/chapters/30A
G-dess, hear my plea: may MTG be indicted, tried, convicted, and sent to prison for breaking the law, and may Comer be seriously sanctioned as an accessory.
fnord
Isn't it amazing that even Republican women don't understand consent?
You've blown your own cover. You had every intention to perpetrate a pun. And you will be severely punnished to the full extent of Wonker Law.
That's a paddlin'.
The southern states seem to really be leaning into the stereotype that they are inbred idiots, as electing people as stupid as Comer and Tuberville just validates that assessment.
Can't forget Gaetz and Cawthorn!! Not to mention DeSatan who has destroyed the value of a diploma from Yale or Harvard for the next 100 years
You think that's bad, wait'll you hear what he did to Florida.
Your work achieves at least 3 out loud laughs per essay. Love it. Thank you.
WILL, my man! Are you insinuating that we here at WANGLEHONK CENTRAL don't know how to use our preferred method of mirth? Too often I have been led astray by the occasional GUFFAWS, CHORTLES and a few TEE HEEs. Please be aware the collective WANGLEHONK burgeoning cult are attempting to carry on the new tradition! OK I'M DONE!
"How embarrassing for James Comer to get Russianly buttwashed like that so much!"
Unfortunately, the USA is an embarrassment to the entire fucking planet. I'm gonna start wearing a brown paper sack with cutout eye holes over my head like those football fans who are ashamed of their shitty football team and don't want to be found supporting it.
I'm so ashamed of my country right now - we all look like fools ya know? South Korea is in particular looking at the USA right now going "WTF assholes?"
Gah.
Comer is the true Biden Hunter!
Ah, amazing, I love a great Evan story in the morning! Too funny!
Our local Truthers tell me that Smirnoff has been stitched up by Biden's cronies.
Le Sigh
Typical Republican stupidity. They know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
If he really wanted the goods on the Bidens, he would have been better served by going with Stolichnaya.
He had to cheap out with Smirnoff. He'd have gotten as much value out of a bottle of water labeled Smirnoff.
Everything shows how deep the conspiracy goes.
It always reminds me how some evangelicals respond to any fact-based info that counters their ideas about science and history and morals and whatnot: they'll claim that the DEVIL HIMSELF has some how been at work creating false stories and messin' with our minds.
Everything goes to PROOF! for these folks, and makes me yearn for both critical thinking and civics to be taught more widely in our schools.
Don't over analyze these things. I'm just here for the RIDE!
My fundie brother once told me that teh Debbil put all them so-called "fossils" in the ground to trick people.
Now, that opens up all kinds of boxes of questions.
Like, OK, Yahweh allowed teh Debbil to distribute these fake fossils around. The purpose of the said fake fossils is to deceive people. People thus deceived by those counterfeits could presumably decide that the biblical account of creation must therefore be false. Those individuals thus fooled could then decide that the rest of the Bible is not true, or at least not the infallible word of Yahweh. This could lead to those individuals falling into eternal, like forever, punishment.
All of that to say that this all-loving, merciful, god who presumably wants everybody to spend eternity with him/it, knowing that teh Debbil's deceit could send people to a forever of torture said, "Cool, cool." In which case he is involved in the very deceit that damns people to eternity in hell and gave tacit approval.
In which case he's kind of a dick.
My conclusion exactly. Which is why I don't give Him/Her/It any of my hard earned tooth doctoring money. I don't fund dicks.
Yeah, reading the bibble and all of its stories about fratricide and smiting and incest and children torn asunder by bears for laughing at a prophet made me realize that if there was a god like that then I didn't want to go to his heaven.
Then I read the good part of the good book and really loved that hippie Jesus and all the things he had to say about brotherly love and sharing what we have but then that god guy had to throw his two cents in and have him killed for "reasons" or so the book said.
Personally I think that part was made up by his followers to spice up the narrative and make people think that there was some kind of reward later for being kind now in spite of what the rest of humanity seems to be intent on doing.
I don’t believe in a Supreme Being, or deities in general. But the one I was raised to believe in wasn’t a dick (the whole “loving god to whom you can turn for guidance and support” was a big part of my upbringing), and I’ve never understood how a supposed Good Christian could read the Gospel (which is supposed to be the root of the belief, not the Old Testament) and then go back to the Terrifying God who Punishes and Shames.
But then, evangelicals are big on the Pick and Choose version of reading scripture.
El Dad always held that the god a person worships is usually a reflection of the kind of person they are or the kind of person they wish they could be - either because they wish they were better or they wish they had the nerve or the resources to be worse than they are.
God created man in his own image. And man, being a gentleman, returned the favor
Very smart El Dad!
I chucklefarted. Oops. Heh.
Sneezing can have the same effect on me.
best way to let the air out of stale jokes!...
Hmm Comer was about 16 when this song/poem was written. We were terrible and immature and offensive 1980's male teenagers. The magical sexual monkey wrench was part of our world building.
Country Wrench
(Vamp of verse to I walk the Line in the background)
--
When I was still a sticky young pup
my daddy took me down to the hog butchering shed
to tell me in all his righteous wisdom
all about the ancient art of procreation
why commies can't get dates
and the advantages of enlisting livestock
for recreational porpoises
Havin' had my head stuffed full of all this knowledge
- combined with the fumes of grandpa's secret hog curing elixirs
I foolishly asked my pa what he did on those days
where he'd trudge off behind the barn with a gunny sack
Well he playfully chucked a few pigs feet off my forehead,
set me up on a big old barrel of jellied pig entrails,
scratched that wart of his with his good hand and said:
"Boy on the day I married your sister
I grabbed my best sour mash and went behind the barn
et some of those little fungi things that grow on cow shit
and went off to hunt purple possum.
Well I ran into one of them Boudreau's and he had a 12-gauge
took me at gunpoint off to his farm
stuffed my mouth with crawfish
Stripped me
hog tied me
smeared me with sow hormones
and threw me in the pig pen
I stayed in that pig pen for three whole days
I coulda left after and hour but...
son you'll understand when you're older
Anyway they threatened to destroy my credit rating
at the local brothel slash livestock warehouse so I had to go.
You know son, when I was wallowing around in that there pig pen
I saw a curious object
I thought it was one of those regular wrenches you see in the city
but when I accidentally touched it to my naughties
I knew that it was....
Well son you might not understand this
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
so I put that there monkey wrench where no one was gonna find it.
('cept maybe your sis)
and walked back home savoring the sweet smell of manure in the summer sunshine.
And you know, son, it wasn't for two WHOLE weeks before I felt that dank monkey wrench
finally slide down the left leg of my overalls.":
My paw just grinned me and I sat on that big ol' barrel of jellied pig entrails a long time
before I finally got up the guts
to ask if I could try it too.