Jan 6 Defendants Passing Time By Recording Crappy Duets With Donald Trump

Have you ever driven a six-inch railroad spike directly into your eardrum?

What do you think of when you hear about a musical release with "Justice for All" in the title? Yr Wonkette thinks of Metallica's seminal "...And Justice for All," released the week we started high school. We think of power chords and pounding drums. We think of James Hetfield screaming Darkness! Imprisoning me! All that I see! Absolute horror! We think of our misbegotten youth, first love, first beer, first cigarette, first failed geometry test (fuck you, geometry). We think of when time stretched before us, lazy, indolent, waiting to be explored like a newfound continent or a beautiful girl lying in our bed on a rainy Sunday afternoon ...

But no more. No, all of that nostalgia has been ripped away from us by this ... this ... whatever the absolute fuck this is :

Donald Trump and a group of individuals incarcerated for their alleged involvement in the Jan. 6 riot have collaborated on a song called “Justice for All.” [...] The track interpolates Trump reciting the Pledge of Allegiance into “The Star-Spangled Banner,” which is performed by a group of about 20 inmates, called the J6 Prison Choir, housed at the Washington, D.C. jail. The song ends with the inmates chanting, “USA!”

Does this Frankenstein's monster, this sacrilege defiling what has brought humans joy for centuries, this abomination of the very concept of music going back to when the first Neanderthals discovered they could create a backing beat by pounding two rocks together, actually exist?

Yes. We are horrified and weirdly grimly pleased to share it with you :

Listen to it. The low, dramatic opening ... organ? Sure, fuck it, that's an organ. The recorded-as-an-.mmf-file-on-a-2005-Nokia-6680 sound quality capturing the J6 prisoners' voices in their nightly display of self-pitying patriotism in the Washington DC city jail. The outer-borough-goombah accent of our former president reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in that same voice he uses to read whatever white nationalist drivel Stephen Miller has vomited into his teleprompter. The way the prisoners seem to raise their voices to hit the words "Still there!" The prisoners chanting "U-S-A" at the end like they're watching a tape of the Miracle on Ice. The continuous one-note hum of the ... organ? Sure, fuck it, that's still an organ ... underscoring all of it.

The Grammys will not recognize this at next year's awards because the Grammys are given out by liberal Hollywood elitists who hate Trump and patriotism and one-note organ underscoring and America. But they should.

The song is the latest salvo in the martyrdom of a bunch of assholes who tried to overthrow the federal government. Previously, we've seen these weirdos compare themselves to Martin Luther King Jr . We've seen them complain that they are enduring cruel and unusual punishment by being exposed to critical race theory in jail . We've seen a J6 stoolie who avoided jail by squealing about his fellow rioters spend part of last summer's CPAC doing performance art as a prisoner.

And of course we've seen some of our worst elected officials visit them and then grandstand in front of cameras about their situation like they're IRA members on a hunger strike in Her Majesty's Prison Maze.

Profits from the song are slated to be dispersed to the families of some of the prisoners. Which is why we have embedded a Spotify link above. If everyone who reads Wonkette plays the track a hundred times each, thanks to Spotify's royalty structure we can expect the families to net a cool four cents, after conservative commentator Ed Henry, who is handling the project, takes his cut.

And also assuming Trump doesn't demand all the profits, which, being Trump, there is a good chance he'll do.

[ Forbes ]

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