Jared Kushner Shows Face In Public, Living His Best $2 Billion Life

Blah blah blah Hunter Biden.

Slumlord Jared Kushner, the rare Trump who seems to know when to shut up, resurfaced yesterday at the Axios BFD conference in Miami. He was Kendall Roy-ing hard as the CEO of Affinity Partners in sweatpant-like-jeans, white sneaks, a literal neckbeard, and a red string bracelet. Very Kabbalah casual!

Kushner’s American fans (both of ‘em) will be disappointed to learn that he won’t be part of a second Trump term, thanks to his $2 billion investor BFF MBS, “a visionary” who’s “done a lot of things to make the world a better place.” Specifically, Jared’s world! The rest of you can suck it.

Axios BFD is a bi-annual powwow of “leaders and dealmakers,” and Kushner is definitely one of those things. Somehow he’s the head of a $3 billion firm, and even he doesn’t know how he got there!

According to the Kush (who, you’ll recall, was denied a security clearance until paterfamilias Trump stepped in), he had no idea he was going to be running an investment firm when he left the White House. But you know how it is. One minute your buddies start stuffing cash in your pockets insisting that you’ll know what to do with it, and then next minute, record scratch, you’re running a private equity firm. In fact the very idea never crossed his mind until January 21, 2021, even though he and MBS had been buddies having dude sleepovers for years by then.

“When I left government I hadn’t thought about what I was going to do next. […] We decided to come down here and I started to interact with the private sector. A lot of friends at the time who ran venture or equity or growth or had companies were basically reaching out and saying, ‘We have companies that we think could benefit from the different knowledge base or contacts or geopolitical expertise that you gained while you were in government, and we’d like for you to meet with them to try to advise.’” That’s one way of putting it! Affinity Partners, said Jared, was “just a name that I set up as a shell entity. I was bringing some of my team with me, and I needed a way I could pay bills and put people on the payroll. At that point I didn’t know what it was going to be.” 

I wish someone would give me $2 billion in hopes that I can think of a good idea. I’m pretty sure it would be better than the one thing Kushner’s firm has been public about investing in so far, $150 million for a 15% stake in the Schlomo Group, an auto-services company that operates a fleet of 78,000 cars in Israel, or at least it did, when Kushner  invested right before war broke out. That still leaves $1,850,000,000 unaccounted for, but because it’s a private equity firm, we can only guess what kind of “geopolitical expertise” the rest has gone to.

What we do know is the Saudis have spent many more billions beyond Jared’s PR fund to suck up to the Trumps and wash their bloody hands after Jamal Khashoggi’s  murder, including some $2 billion for LIV golf, and an agreement with a Saudi real estate company to build a Trump hotel as part of a $4 billion golf resort in Oman. Money can’t buy class, or respect, but it sure can buy you a couple of Trumps, and some golfers. 

(BTW, remember that weird 97-page propaganda magazine David Pecker and the Enquirer published in 2018, and whispers of Saudi involvement in the Bezos affair-affair? And now old Pecker may pop up again in the New York hush-money case. The Saudis have never been averse to investing in some weird shit, and now the Trump-Enquirer-Saudi love triangle lives on!)

To his credit, interviewer Dan Primack, was not letting himself get zim-zammed by the film-flam, and after letting Kushner ramble a bit about how his White House achievements were “impeccable,” he pressed on. “The DNI report came out a couple of weeks after you left the White House. It says that MBS personally was responsible. Do you believe that report?”

Jared did not like that at all. He starts flapping his hands whenever he’s spinning bullshit, and by this point he was about to sprain something.

“Are we really still doing this, Dan? […] So, so, let’s go to this. The way that we looked at our policy at the time was let’s focus on what is in the interest of —” before Primack interjected, “No, no, I’m not arguing that. But at the time you said you wanted to wait and see what the — kind of what the US government determined. The US government’s made a determination,” Primack pressed. “You’re obviously still in business with him. Do you — do you believe the US government assessment? You might not.”

“So let me say this,” Kushner answered, flapping frantically. “I’ve seen the DNI report that the Biden administration put out there, right, and number two is, look, I know the person who I dealt with. I think he’s a visionary leader. I think what he’s done in that region is transformational. [...] The person who deserves credit for that is Mohammed bin Salman, who at that time was the deputy crown prince, and I think what he’s done has been absolutely historic for the country. I think he’s done a lot of things that are in America’s interest and I think he’s done a lot of things that have made the world a better place,”

"I understand why people, you know, are upset about that," Kushner said, referring to Khashoggi’s killing like a wilty piece of lettuce on an otherwise delicious sandwich. "I think that what happened there was absolutely horrific. But again, our job was to represent America, and to try to push forward things in America.”

And push things forward he has. For Jared! He and Vanky bought a $24 million plot on Indian Creek Island in Miami, then spent 2021-2023 traveling the world as their pile was being constructed, hitting up Morocco with DJ David Guetta, clubbing in London at Oswold’s, touring Prague, hiking Utah from their $6,600-a-night resort, taking the kids to Egypt and Qatar (remember when the Trumps shook Qatar down for that devil building?), making a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, visiting ruins in Athens, hitting a wedding in Jordan, surfing in Costa Rica, and partying in Ibiza. Because when Jared’s happy and pampered, the world is a better place, I guess.