Fa la la la la, the solstice was yesterday, and we have survived the darkest days of winter!
Oh hey, did anything happen this weekend with those boring Epstein files nobody cares about? Just Pam Bondi breaking the law by not releasing all of the files by the Friday deadline, like somebody with nothing to hide! And of the estimated 10 percent that she did deign to release, one 119-page document blacked out on every single page. But deputy Todd Blanche promises the documents will continue to be dripped out! First the files didn’t exist, and now there are too many of them. And whoops,
Sunday after reps Massie and Khanna said they were exploring all options to deal with Bondi’s contemptuousness, including impeachment, the DOJ re-released that 119-page document with fewer redactions. Plenty more Epstein files news to come! (NBC / NOTUS)
In other news, the US Coast Guard has seized a third oil tanker in the waters off of Venezuela. And mass-murderer Pete Hegseth has struck two more boats in the Pacific, bringing his boat-strike death toll to over 100. (NBC / CBS)
The US has bombed and killed at least five people that Pete Hegseth says were ISIS in eastern Syria’s Deir ez Zor province. (BBC)
Thousands of people are starving in refugee camps in Kenya, thanks to Trump ending all humanitarian assistance. (ProPublica)
Yikes, hon: a Baltimore woman and US citizen got snatched up by ICE while doing her laundry at a local laundromat and was sent to Louisiana after ICE declared that her real birth certificate and medical records were fake and allegedly denied her access to a lawyer. (HuffPost)
Onika Tanya Maraj-Petty, citizen of Trinidad, appeared at a TPUSA event in Arizona with Erika Kirk, and called JD Vance “the assassin.” Then it got real awkward! Wonder how Nicki’s cousin’s balls are doing? And plenty of other weird shit happened there too, of course. And infighting! (Mediaite / Axios archive link)
And we did mean weird.
The Washington Post’s got material for Russ Vought’s spank bank: “The year Trump broke the federal government” as told by traumatized civil servants. (Washington Post gift link)
In Maryland, the majority and the governor support redistricting out the state’s one red seat. But state Senate President Bill Ferguson is standing in everybody’s way, because he thinks the Hogan-picked top court will toss such a map out and replace it with worse ones. Which is valid! And Ferguson is up for re-election in ‘26 and being primaried by one Bobby LaPin. Drama! (Baltimore Banner archive link)
“A gang of thieves dressed as Santa and his elves burst into a Montreal supermarket on Monday and made off with thousands of dollars worth of food. The heist was part of a Robin Hood-inspired scheme intended to highlight the rising cost of living and support the poorest in society. […] The group deposited some of the stolen groceries underneath a Christmas tree in a public square after the raid, and said it planned to distribute the rest to food banks throughout the community.” (Daily Beast archive link)
It tracks in every way that Katie Waldman Miller was known even back in high school for being ignorant and unethical (“you’re never surprised when you hear about something bad that Katie Waldman did”) and then went on to be the “enforcer” of her sorority. (Slate archive link)
(Full uncensored Michael Shannon link. Click it, you’re worth it!)
Trump’s handlers demanded that his FIFA Peace Prize be at least as big as the World Cup, in a plotline too undignified for “Toddlers & Tiaras.” (The Sunday Times)
He sure is losing it! “Trump talks about neuroses, selecting chairs and his wife’s underwear drawer in latest affordability speech.” (CNN)
Sports corner:
Congrats to Chase Demoor and Anthony Joshua, who beat the tar out of alpha males Andrew Tate and Jake Paul, respectively. PS., if you are in a fight, keep your mouth shut, it makes it more difficult to break your jaw!
Arts nook:
RIP, James Ransone.
“As the US Slides Into Tyranny, Europe Champions Black American Artists.” (Hyperallergic)
If “brow-scorching restaurant review” is also your favorite literary genre, Liz Cook’s “Two Nights Playing With Fire At Patrick Mahomes And Travis Kelce’s Steakhouse” is abbondanza! (Defector)
Long-form enthraller: “The haunting story of Mary Doefour and one man’s quest to give her back her real name.” (Thar Tribune)
David Byrne is here with Christmas cheer!
Your header gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/buddy-the-elf
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/2524d24b-b06c-4959-be23-f8420b8a1361?utm_source=share
Jake Paul’s jaw has been broken in two places. He’ll be eating Christmas dinner through a straw. It will be a long time before he’ll be able to talk. Darn. You hate to see it.