JD Vance Gonna Get To Bottom Of This UFO Thing Since He Has Nothing Else To Do

Hey, whatever keeps him busy and away from the furniture.

Pudding-faced sewer troll JD Vance took a break from his very important Vice President duties (shitposting on X, review-bombing the La-Z-Boy website, constantly reminding Usha of all the ways she could have done better) to sit down and chat with plagiarizing dickcheese Benny Johnson on the latter’s eponymous podcast last week. What do two people whose combined neural energy couldn’t power a nightlight talk about when the microphones are on?

Well, UFOs for one. Because at a time when the US is embroiled in a war Donald Trump started when a full diaper made him cranky, a time when we are sending thousands of troops to invade Iran, a time when prices are so high that people have to sell their kidneys just to fill up their Toyota Tundras so they can drive to the grocery store to gaze longingly at food they can no longer afford, when the dolts in charge of America’s public health are ushering long-vanquished diseases back into our lives, when we’re abandoning our position as a world leader in education and aid to the less fortunate and scientific research, what everyone wants to hear about is JD Vance swearing that sometime in the next three years, he’ll get to the bottom of this whole UFO thing.

On the other hand, so long as he’s worried about extraterrestrials, he can’t fuck up anything important. That’s some catch, that Catch-22.

Trump called for the government to declassify all its UFO-related files in February, probably because Vance kept nagging him:

“When I came in, I was obsessed with the UFO files. And then you start getting really busy worrying about the economy and national security and things like that.”

This is Vance trying to cover. His entire job since he came in has been nastily attacking foreign governments and doing whatever Stephen Miller tells him to do. Remember when Pete Hegseth had a group chat on Signal where he kept dumping classified info, and at some point, he stopped doing that, and then Vance was texting the chat stuff like, “This chat seems kind of dead,” and no one was answering him? It was like watching a bunch of teenage girls cut that one friend out of the group because they decided she was too stuck up.

Vance is the vice president and was out of the loop as the administration was bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities. No wonder he had time to think about UFOs.

“I’ve already had a couple of times where I’m like, all right, we’re going out to Area 51, we’re going out to New Mexico, we’re going to get to the bottom of this, and then the timing of the trip just didn’t work out.”

First of all, Area 51 is in Nevada, everyone knows that. Second of all, if he’s thinking about Roswell, it’s not as if all that wreckage from 1947 is still lying around in the field where the UFO — excuse us, the weather balloon — is rumored to have crashed. But having been to Roswell, we can assure the vice president the five bucks we spent on admission to the UFO museum there was about the best five bucks we’ve ever spent on anything. And the museum has a cool gift shop. He should really make a point of getting to it.

Then Vance really went off the tracks:

“I don’t think they’re aliens. I think they’re demons anyway ... I think celestial beings who fly around who do weird things to people ...”

Your Wonkette is of the opinion that kink shaming is an undignified activity for the vice president of the United States, even if he is the most undignified vice president we’ve ever had. If these celestial beings want to hang out with people in hot tubs filled with Russian dressing, well, everyone has their thing.

Vance then riffed for a minute on how he doesn’t like to go right to “aliens” when he hears about something that seems to be an unnatural phenomenon, because he’s a Christian and it could be Christian-related unnatural phenomenon, not little green men-related. Because that would be crazy, we guess?

At least it’s a fairly harmless obsession. Considering what other people in the administration are up to in their eternal quest for a pat on the head from Donald Trump, we’re probably getting off easy with a vice president indulging in some Robert Langdon cosplay.

The video is here if you feel like subjecting yourselves to it.

[Yahoo]

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