705 Comments

Do not sit

on The Porcupine

he'll stick you good

on your behind

Expand full comment

Needz moar Rocky theme

Expand full comment

Worst

Army recruitment video

Ever

Expand full comment

donut besmirch the birch, Flashy!

Expand full comment

Love the porcupine. I have one - a plushie puppet. The plushies are a collection, not an obsession. I'm afraid he doesn't have a name, though.

Today, I'm just here for the gif, so thanks!

Expand full comment

(With a tip of my affectionate pen towards Rod Serling)

"Imagine, if you will, that you live in an idyllic world where you have evolved a way to protect yourself so effective that no predator dares to touch you. Imagine that you can go anywhere safely and eat anything you like with no consequences. Imagine yourself happy, safe and blissful. Imagine that someone has cut down a tree and left it in your path. Finally imagine that your blissful eating has rendered you unable to get over that tree."

Expand full comment

Love!

Expand full comment

Ah, yes, I remember well my introduction to the pommel horse in 7th grade gym class.

Expand full comment

We were backpacking in the Flattops in NW Colorado and we found a campsite with a resident porcupine. He wasn't too smart but he sure was fat.

Porcupines are known for eating the shoulder straps off of backpacks to eat the sweat/salt residue on them, so our challenge was to rout fatso from our camp. We gave chase with long sticks and he headed out at about 1km/hour. We chased him up a tree, but it was only about two meters high... he was just as disappointed as we were...

We eventually packed up and left with our backpacks intact and fatso up a sapling.

I dunno, they're not too fast, so he might still be there...

Expand full comment

We're not supposed to take in wildlife for cuddling and stuff, so why did Mother Nature make so many of them so sweet?

Expand full comment

'Now I KNOW I dropped my phone around here SOMEWHERE.'

Expand full comment

I was rooting for that little guy every second. Glad he made it over the tree. 🙂

Expand full comment

I was reflecting on what it would be like to have to crawl over chest-high obstacles every day on my way to the kitchen or the bathroom.

Expand full comment

Get a higher chest!*

*For you at the low, low price of free!

Expand full comment

For women of a certain age, a higher chest is not so easy.

Expand full comment

Use your coffee cup

Expand full comment

I would have named him Pokey.

Expand full comment

Ah ha! The porcupine! The equivalent of JD’s Porsche but with the prick on the outside.

Expand full comment

The difference between cowboy boots and regular boots?

Regular boots have the shit on the outside.

Expand full comment

Pair of boots with a hat on ‘em? A Texan with the shit knocked out of ‘im.

Expand full comment

I left another little prick in your chat -

https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/18169803-2d1e-4c7b-b481-40bc4a16af7a?utm_source=share

Expand full comment

Mrs Mild spent her college summers working for the US Forest Service at one of the lodges on the Long Trail in the Green Mountains in Vermont. She'd leave her car at the end of the trail and hike up to the lodge. Once she got back to the car she'd find out the hard way that some porcupine would chew her brake lines. They were probably after the salt on the lines.

Expand full comment

Is he eatin' those mushrooms?...

Expand full comment

She’s climbin’! Eventually.

Expand full comment

Trump/Vance: What we have here is a dead fish.

Expand full comment

Well shit, I could see those delish recipes yesterday, now they're for subscribers only. DAMN IT DELISH.

Expand full comment

Delicata Squash is the best fall squash. You don’t have to peel them and they roast or bake or whatever you want to do with them . Great flavor and easy to prepare.

Expand full comment

Is that the same as a kabocha/kalabasa squash? They don't need peeling, either, and are muy deliciosa!

Expand full comment

No the Kabochas are different. The Delicata are oblong and yellow/gold in color with some green in the crevices. They’re fairly small for fall squash and great if you cut them in half and stuff them. I buy them up and store them someplace cool for months. Pantry staple and stable! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delicata_squash

Expand full comment

I'll keep an eye out for them!

Expand full comment

"doornuts" LOL. That sketch was a hoot.

As far as the CNN panel goes; I am SUPER unimpressed with CNN already (and now they're paywalling, which: good fucking luck with that), but watching Abby get mad at Keith because he called her on letting Byron Donalds natter his bullshit on and on without saying a damn word? was really frustrating. Even her "fact check" was weak sauce. He WAS lying and she didn't stop him.

Expand full comment

I see Melania's giving her "Be Best" on abortion rights. PAB's campaign is stupider than I thought, if they think that's going to sway undecided women (and really, are there any?)

Expand full comment

'Trix, about that piece about Vance's identical twin brother...are you sure Holly Fletcher isn't Gary's identical twin sister? 😄

Expand full comment

Happy New Year to all who celebrate! Sure as hell hoping next year is sweeter.

Expand full comment

Watching our friend put that much energy into getting over that log wore me out, I needed a 10 minute sit down break when it was done.

Expand full comment

I just had a thought, delete if necessary. I flashed on JD tied to a bed with his wife, Usha, holding a whip and wearing a dominatrix outfit, JD is whimpering. I like it.

Expand full comment

I really enjoy having coffee with Tabs in the morning ☕ Good writing and good Fun, Thank You 💙🇺🇸🌊🌊🌊

Expand full comment

thanks for the rosh recipes, wonkette! that was a delightful hour (when i should have been getting ready for work).

shanah tovah to all

Expand full comment

Yeah I’m sorry but unless Nuzzi has her boyfriend’s sign NDAs he can say whatever he wants. He can’t harass her but if there was a conversation of “Hey I found out you’ve been sexting RFKjr and I’m mad about it and am going to tell all my friends” that’s not blackmail unless he asked for something of value in return. Otherwise that’s just life baby.

Expand full comment

That Osment clip should be a successful audition for an acting career comeback. Brilliant work.

Expand full comment

he's been in a ton of comedies lately and every time we're like wait a fucking minute, that's not Haley Joel Osment!

Expand full comment

Shannah Tovah!

Expand full comment

Loved Haley Joel Osmet as Vance. That clip of Keith Boykin calling a lie a lie was refreshing.

Expand full comment