Big Hairy Tough Guy JD Vance Is The Man Who Will Fight For Trump's Honor

Fuckin' Gaston right here.

Ohio Republican Senator and roadside attraction J.D. Vance — he is the largest ball of blue-eyed Aryan human butthair in the state of Ohio, obviously people stop to gawk — has a plan to stop Joe Biden's Justice Department from holding Donald Trump accountable under the same laws as everyone else.

 He's going to hold up all the Justice Department nominees until Attorney General Merrick Garland learns his lesson!

“Until Merrick Garland stops using his agency to harass Joe Biden’s political opponents, I will hold all DoJ nominees.”

— J.D. Vance (@J.D. Vance) 1686681064 

Eat actual shit, dude.

 He said:  

“I’ve heard from a lot of people that they’re so frustrated, as I am, with the fact that Merrick Garland has used the Department of Justice for politics instead of law. And I think it’s time we stopped just whining about this problem and debating this problem and actually do something about it,” Vance said in a video posted on Twitter Tuesday .

He probably meant to say "law instead of politics," unless he really is as stupid as he looks. He really isn't, though. He's a Yale-educated lawyer who seemingly saw that it would be profitable to play stupid to appeal to the Ohio meth-billies his entire previous life was about getting away from. So he turned into a MAGA pigstupid, ran for Senate in Ohio, and won with Trump's endorsement. (By the way, it's been said that it was because the movie version of Hillbilly Elegy was such a piece of shit, and critics said so, that Vance completed his conversion into what he is today. Of course, the book is crap too.)

Vance continued:

“So, I’ve announced today that I will be holding all Department of Justice nominees that Merrick Garland will use — if confirmed — not to enforce the law impartially, which is his duty, but clearly to harass his political opponents,” the freshman senator declared.

Whatever.

The New York Post notes that this will immediately affect two nominees — Rosemarie Hidalgo for director of the Violence Against Women Office and Todd Gee for US Attorney for the Southern District of Mississippi — but not US Marshals nominees. The paper furthermore notes that Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer will still be able to get these folks confirmed, it's just that he'll have to do it with individual votes, instead of by unanimous consent.

So good try, Butthair.

“I think that we have to grind this department to a halt until Merrick Garland promises to do his job and stop going after his political opponents,” Vance said of the attorney general.

And here he is pretending to be stupid again. The entire point of a special counsel is to take politics out of the equation, to isolate sensitive investigations so they are as fair and as free from political interference as possible. The president and also a client of Hair Club for Butts knows that. But he knows the kind of people who listen to him are too fucking stupid to catch his lie.

Anyway, this is happening as House Republicans start to try to figure out how to defund the FBI and Justice Department until it learns that their lord and savior Donald J. Trump is above the law. Cry more.

Vance appeared on the Laura Ingraham show last night and they scoffed together about various stuff and things.

 Vance played Hide the Squirrel (it is a game where you yell "Squirrel!" while obfuscating the real point), arguing pointlessly that the president can declassify anything they want to. As if that's relevant to Not Presidents stealing nuclear secrets. And then he outright lied and said, "Donald Trump's going to be put in prison for the rest of his life, that's what they're trying to do, for declassifying documents as he has the constitutional authority to do."

“Vance: Donald Trump's going to be put in prison for the rest of his life, that's what they're trying to do, for declassifying documents as he has the constitutional authority to do…. We can effectively grind the appointments process in the DOJ to a halt”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1686710096 

Meanwhile Laura Ingraham is trying to find the guy who did this, saying, "What's happened to the public's trust in institutions is, I think, far more significant than a bunch of documents being kept sloppily in a bathroom. We now have the American people, at least half the country, believing they can’t trust the FBI, the Justice Department." Vance nodded along somberly. He would also like to find the guy who did this.

“Ingraham: What's happened to the public's trust in institutions is, I think, far more significant than a bunch of documents being kept sloppily in a bathroom. We now have at least half the country believing they can’t trust the FBI, the DOJ”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1686710394 

Some cold water to throw at these morons' faces:

According to a new poll, 53 percent of Americans believe Trump intentionally committed crimes. Only 20 percent actually believe Trump did nothing wrong. The rest are somewhere in between. Another recent poll says 62 percent of Americans think Trump should be barred from serving again if he's convicted of a "serious crime." Huge majorities believe trying to overthrow the government and inciting terrorist attacks to overturn an election are "serious crimes." Also stealing government secrets and trying to hide them from the feds. Additionally, 52 percent believe falsifying your business records to hide your porn peener payments is a "serious" crime.

Unsurprisingly, polls also show that MAGA Republicans live in a special place with their heads firmly implanted up their asses. But they aren't anywhere near a majority of the country.

But sure, please tell us more about how "at least half" of the American people don't think they can trust the FBI and DOJ because it's investigating Trump.

Finally, more lying projection from J.D. Vance, bitching and moaning about "such selective enforcement," saying Democrats "fac[e] one set of principles," while Republicans face "the harshest application of the law," and we can't keep typing this sentence because we are laughing too hard at this lying piece of shit.

“Vance: Why are you going to sign up for a military that is applying justice unequally, why are you going to send your kids to law school, why are you going to pay your taxes?”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1686710660 

Cool idea, dude. Encourage white MAGA fascists to pull out of the military and the legal profession and quit paying their taxes. Cry more.

America will be better for it.

[ New York Post ]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

Just got to BlueSky! 

I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.

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