537 Comments
User's avatar
Skunk Formerly Known As Stoner's avatar

Hard pass on the slavery but what’s this about cocaine?

Hooker P Tape skipping dipshit's avatar

Thanks, J Divan, for upholding the Ugly American reputation.

satch's avatar

It'd be nice to go back to a time when half of America didn't know who the Vice President was.

Bitter Scribe's avatar

What makes you think that's changed?

Bitter Scribe's avatar

Well, whaddaya know. It turns out Jake Paul has a legit reason for being at the Olympics and huffing about athletes who don't like Trump: His fiancée is competing as a speedskater for Holland.

In fact, she just won a gold medal.

And she looks to be quite the babe.

Paul may be annoying, but give the dude credit: He leveraged his overall obnoxiousness into the kind of popularity that helps you with women.

Now, if he would only fight a guy his own age and size...

Runfastandwin's avatar

oddly I had no idea the Olympics was still a thing...

Stuart's avatar

I was just thinking about Elvis's classic song, "Hound Dog" (and yes, I know it's a cover). There are basically two verses:

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, cryin' all the time...

and

When they said you was high class, well, that was just a lie...

Change "cryin'" to "whinin'", and who does those verses describe to a T?

Rad's avatar

I'm sorry... ever since reading the headline... a song got stuck in my mind. See if you can identify it:

"JD and Usha flew off to Italy

and got their asses booed for all the world to see,

They laughed and thought that it was all absurd,

The kin folk yelled “get your asses out of here!

go back to the home to that giant floating turd!”

Florida, that is.

Reptiles for sure.

Back to your swamps and the babbling hoard. "

[sigh] Randy Rainbow, take it away!

YaJagoff's avatar

Beverly Hillbillies?

Rad's avatar

Winner Winner! Chicken Dinner!

Wookiee Monster's avatar

I’m sorry but 40 vehicles and 300 staffers? WTF does VP Guyliner need all that for? Why isn’t anyone in the corporate media asking this?

You know, the same media that gave Kamala shit for buying expensive cookware with her own money.

VwllssWndr's avatar

But he's representing America abroad! Perfectly fine.

Cincinnatus's avatar

>>No way that’s real hand-guided pee<<

Or perhaps that's not HIS handwriting!

Old joke: Father looks out the window on a snowy evening. He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks. "It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in her handwriting."

Axomamma's avatar

The rest of Amber Glenn's comment is more telling if not meant to be so. "Unfortunately, in my own country, it is very upsetting and very distressing to see. And I can’t imagine how people who have been impacted by that directly feel. So I think it’s wise that we change something as minute as a name if it is able to make anyone feel more comfortable.”

The US Olympic Committee changed the name to make the people who have created the upset and distress more comfortable, not those upset and distressed by the violence being inflicted.

Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

I knew a Jewish Manhattanite named Hess. No wonder Trump hates that guy.

gnomemansanisland's avatar

I believe sofa humping is a summer Olympic event, JD.

Russell Jones's avatar

Jizzy D is Sofa King ridiculous.

vorpal 🚫♔'s avatar

And the scores are in for that non-comment

USA Judge 10.0

Canada Judge 10.0

Swedish Judge 10.00

MAGA Judge (eats scorecard)

Cincinnatus's avatar

Is he requiring removal of all brown M&M's?

LoCoJo's avatar

My all time favorite JD Vance protest was when he was skiing in Vermont and a protester shouted "I hope they serve you fake maple syrup!"

That's just mean. But well deserved.

Demme Epstein Fatale's avatar

And Gus Kenworthy continues to be a mensch.

(Don't eat yellow snow.)

C&A Bongo Man's avatar

"Slushie for Vance. Slushie for Vance. Will Mr Vance come and collect his lemon slushie."

Pig Bodine's avatar

I very much appreciate the thought, but the designer in me would have used a cursive font befitting an athlete's stream. Chalkboard makes it look like it was done by a 60-year-old with an enlarged prostate.