JD Vance's Fault! Tabs, Tues., March 3, 2026

Haha! Everybody laugh at JD Vance!

Tabs gifs by Martini Glambassador!

Good morning, happy Tuesday, hello.

The Texas Senate primaries (and other races and other state primaries!) are tonight. James Talarico or Jasmine Crockett will win. Better be ready to enthusiastically support whichever one the winner is! MS NOW says it’s gonna be on doing special coverage like it’s a damned election night or something. What to expect when you’re expecting Texas primary results: [Votebeat]

Hahahaha, JD Vance’s fault! JD Vance’s fault! When these stupid fucking Iran strikes that nobody supports set off actual World War III or a global recession or all of the above, JD Vance’s fault! Hate him the most!

Speaking of bad headlines about Trump’s latest failure: “Earthquake in the Gulf: Iran war expands to dozen countries in 72 hours.” Also seems pretty tragic and pathetic that this non-ground operation has already managed to kill six American troops. And for what good reason? And Secretary Shitfaced managed to get three of our jets shot dowy by friendly fire in Kuwait? Pretty fucking pathetic! [Axios]

Donald Trump is really really upset about the dead troops, so upset he wants to talk about his ballroom instead.

Who won’t let the US launch attacks on Iran from its bases? Spain won’t do that. [Reuters]

Look at Hillary Clinton’s face this whole entire time while Lauren Boebert’s dumb ass asks her about Pizzagate.

And then there was that moment when the room found out that, again, Boebert was posting secret pics of her deposition and leaking them to Benny Johnson, after Clinton had repeatedly demanded a public hearing in the first fucking place.

I’m probably going to have some thoughts about this very soon at The Moral High Ground, but for now get familiar with this breaking news from Jonathan Larsen.

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Oh hey look another whistleblower. Surprise, it’s about Kash Patel’s FBI being a nightmare shitshow again.

And speaking of, did you hear Kash Patel gutted a unit full of Iran experts last week, right before Operation Pete Hegseth’s Balls Just Dropped? Is that bad? [MS NOW]

The White House Correspondents Association is worthy of full disowning, both from the field of journalism, and from consideration as any sorts of actors in the fight against fascism. Fuck ‘em.

Are the latest disgusting body marks on Donald Trump’s neck really from a preventative cream of some kind that’s causing a reaction? Or should we believe it’s because he has to wear a cone of shame at all times when the cameras are off, because he is always trying to lick his own asshole, but the cone of shame chafes on his rotting body skin? Either seems plausible. [CNN]

Are you a boy? Do you eat “boy kibble”? If so leave this website immediately. [Fortune]

Here is your full clip of Rosalía featuring Björk at the BRIT Awards, holy shit.

OK we’re gonna call that the end of tabs for today. Bye!

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