763 Comments
User's avatar
Karen Scofield's avatar

Tuesday's Tab's with Coffee ☕💯👍

Runfastandwin's avatar

The Slender Snooted Bandicoot

also called The Zebra Rat

spends his days and nights

in the Australian Outback

Pere Ubu's avatar

Very deep cut, because I HAVE to:

"Bandicoots! Bandicoots with thalassemia!"

Martini Glambassador's avatar

Way too deep a cut for me to know. 😜

Pere Ubu's avatar

Babel-17 by Samuel Delaney; it's been forever since I read it, but that line has stuck with me. How often do you get to deploy a reference to bandicoots?

James's avatar

Almost never.🤔

weejee's avatar

This coot luvs the bandicoots.

Michael's avatar

Dandy bandies!

Menotsure's avatar

They eat all kinds of bugs and grubs

And also roots and shoots

They are not really pig rats

They are cute bandicoots

They live in the "down under"

And under ground as well

There's no other way to say it, mate

But those bandicoots are swell.

James's avatar

The ROUS's? I don't think they exist.

Menotsure's avatar

Unusual size can go either way.

Jjamie's avatar

Cheers mate! You did it again! You plus Martini made my day!

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

"Long nosed mouse" describes a large portion of the US Congress.

Ellie still in the mix in 26's avatar

Sooo coot....er....cute. Thanks!

NatalyaResists's avatar

YOU'RE a bandicoot!

archy's avatar

Nuh-UH...YOU'RE a bandicoot.

Linda1961 is proudly woke's avatar

In the lost episode of "The Beverly Hillbillies," Elly May adopts a bandicoot. Hilarity ensues when Miss Jane mistakes the bandicoot for a mouse and screams the mansion down. She recovers when she sees Jethro and throws herself into his arms. Meanwhile, Granny plots to rid her home of the long nosed mouse.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

That show. Just the ability of someone to come up with the name "Jethro Bodine" made me want to be a writer.

Linda1961 is proudly woke's avatar

There is a Jethro in the Bible - the father-in-law of Moses. He was a wise man. Ironic, as Jethro was hard-working and sweet, but dumb.

James's avatar

There's also Jethro Tull -- the band, which was named for Jethro Tull the English agriculturist and inventor of the seed drill.

Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

And she then consults her recipe book.

Pere Ubu's avatar

"The worms is goin' like THIS!"

BoB the TacoɔɒT, Tumbrel Pilot's avatar

Isn't long-nosed-mouse what she calls Mr Drysdale?

Old guy named Bill (OGNB)'s avatar

Perhaps at the end of the episode, the long nosed mouse gets into Granny's supply of "home medicine," further enraging her.

Martini Glambassador's avatar

It’s a bit confusing, because “bandicoot” could mean a species of rat (found in India) or the Aussie critter, but neither lives close to Beverly Hills.

Linda1961 is proudly woke's avatar

True, so there will have to be a backstory about how the bandicoot ended up in Beverly Hills. Like a kangaroo did, and Granny thought it was a giant jackrabbit. I don't remember the kangaroo's backstory, probably some plot by Mrs. Drysdale.

marydn's avatar

A friend of Mr Drysdale sent him the kangaroo as a gift and it escaped from his yard and into the Clampetts who lived next door.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Bandicutes, am I right?

SkeptiKC's avatar

A truly magnificent marsupial! I just LOVE their extendo=schnozes.

Australia evolved THE most intriguing, unique creatures.

Richard S's avatar

....that all want to kill you.

The Wanderer's avatar

Marsupial lions have entered the chat.

Jessica's avatar

Marsupial Lions are now believed to be arboreal, thus proving that Drop Bears exist

The Wanderer's avatar

A band of bandicoots!

Bruce's avatar

Surely the collective noun is 'a cute of bandicoots'

Bubba Weep's avatar

Insert meme, "This is where we throw back our heads and laugh."

Tim Mulherin's avatar

Is it only me that thinks Pete's head is getting bigger? Steroids?

eddi-SABH's avatar

I think Trump has shingles.If he had chicken pox as a kid, I'd be surer of it. There are preventive vaccines of course. I got mine already. But he neglects his health completely due to the fact that needing shots spoils his self-image on perfection.

James's avatar

+💯 for "Operation Pete Hegseth’s Balls Just Dropped" 🤣

Aso, do I want to know what "boy kibble" is? Or should I just back away slowly from that link?

James's avatar

So that'd be a "Yeah, back away slowly" then. I mean I got no problem with ground beef in principle (as long as I grind it myself so I know what's in there -- and what isn't) but only in moderation. We had my special tacos tonight which feature a 50-50 mix of seasoned ground beef (made in house) and my homemade ultra-low fat chorizo. Basically I use a boneless pork loin with all of the excess fat trimmed away, and replace the fat with olive oil in the marinade/paste that I grind it with. It's amazing. Then sour cream, grated extra sharp cheddar, and homemade pico de gallo and your choice of soft or crunchy shell (I like the crunchy kind, my partner likes hers with flour tortillas). I DON'T make my own shells or tortillas though. (There's a limit to how much work I want to put into making tacos.)

James's avatar

One day I’m gonna write that cookbook.

Ho͛gͦͥeͬ͒yeGr̰̻̜e̬̞̠x͔'s avatar

Someone tell me they’re getting Colbert to do the Correspondent’s Dinner again. Please?

Uristthedwarf's avatar

I prefer bachelor chow, over 'boy kibble'. it makes its own gravy.

Napoleon's avatar

Now with flavor!

Dialectic.Detective's avatar

Remember when Bush Jr used the word crusade one time and even Cheney and Rumsfeld were screaming "Shut the fuck up man!"?

Dialectic.Detective's avatar

Hillary Clinton displaying a perfect resting "Bitch, please" face.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

That's why she's where she is, and I'm where I am. How does one respond to that without at least one dumb fuck slipping out?

Chino Cherokee's avatar

"....Stupid fucking useless bitch...'

Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Babe Paley's avatar

Maybe the rash is what happens when your ear's blown off but grows back?

I wouldn't be surprised if he's got a ton of skin damage from the sun--he's outside all the time. And I'm sure he thinks sunblock is GAY.

James's avatar

Or an allergy to the stage blood they used.

Allegedly.

3FingerPete's avatar

I can't even with Bjork, Iceland's Yoko Ono.

Meanwhile, forcing Armageddon is not a new thing. Forty years ago a group of evangelicals mounted an effort to tap into a vast ocean of oil that was supposedly under Israel. The effort wasn't for the purpose of building wealth, rather it was to provoke Russia into invading Israel thereby triggering Armageddon. The CEO of the group bragged if they struck oil he would personally call the Kremlin.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Everyone knows the term, the Chosen People, means they were chosen to live in the one place in the Middle East with no oil.

God's got a quirky sense of humor. It takes some getting used to.

Joe Schmoe, Troublemaker's avatar

Our troops were told this was the war of Armageddon so Baby Jesus could return as a buff, 100% caucasian warfighter.

This isn't a Holy War. It's a Holy Shit War

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Joe Schmoe, Troublemaker's avatar

...and then it's hysterical!

Littorally Speaking's avatar

Gosh, WOULDN’T IT BE A SAD if Shitler’s nasty rash—especially if the part on his neck is only what’s visible, and it’s ALL OVER his bloated carcass—were to get infected ...

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘶𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦. 🙏

James's avatar

It's probably Redscale, spread by the Clay Men of Southern Georgia and Northern Florida. It causes skin to turn scaly, rot, and harden. It eventually spreads to cover the entire body, affecting muscles, bones, and organs, and usually leads to madness and death. We're already seeing the former, n'cest pas?

Catharine Crockett's avatar

Probably Imiquamod. A topical prep that kills off sun damaged and pre-cancerous outer layers of skin. Peels it away. My guess as I've used it before for same and ps I'm an MD

Chino Cherokee's avatar

Rope burns from auto-erotic asphyxiation?

James's avatar

Not a chance. How do you think his hands got so small? Even *they* don't want to have sex with him. They shriveled up at the thought.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Someone suggested it could be shingles. I'll take the short-term gratification.

Merrie Mac, Libelsländerin's avatar

Dr. Rubin coyly suggests actinic keratosis, a precancerous lesion.

https://youtu.be/SSxZtnObeJk?si=Kpfhn1pVJblO7orG

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I doubt that cancer would touch Trump.

Professional courtesy.

Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

Doesn't look like any that I've experienced, but ya gotta admit, he's an unusual specimen/host.

Littorally Speaking's avatar

That’s okay, we’ll settle for squamous cell carcinoma.

Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

I can't count how many of those I've had excised. It's only dangerous if you don't take care of it. He has, at our expense, the finest healthcare available. That won't be enough, unfortunately.

Nemo's avatar

Prepare to hear the bilious shitgibbon tell the nation that any US troops who die are suckers and losers. If any are women, he'll say they were ugly and "not his type". Gotta keep morale up!

CalOldBlue's avatar

Bad reaction to fluorouracil cream used to treat actinic keratosis (or worse). All those hours on the golf course.

Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

When I've used it, I get a uniform red burn, not bumpy like that.

I'ma go with neck herpes.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I upfist only because I once saw Neck Herpes open for 10,000 Maniacs.

James's avatar

Was that the same tour that they had Sentient Sashimi on for some of the dates?

Vic's avatar

Well, maybe. But that bad? Somethin' ain't right.

CalOldBlue's avatar

Second guess: shingles.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Come on, shingles! Make his life more miserable than it obviously already is.

Aileen's avatar

As long as I don't look this up and why would I do that to myself, I can choose to believe Trump's skin is rotting due to advanced syphilis.