How is Iowa formed?
Well, fuck us running with scissors, look at this latest evidence of just how pathetic everything about Jeb Bush truly is. Deep in the 112-page internal campaign memo we told you about , in which the Jeb boasts of his hard-to-snatch endorsement by his own son, is this geography FAIL gem, spotted by Iowa Starting Line:
Notice anything funny about that map up there? Here, allow us to allow Twitterer Finn Anderson to spell it out for you:
Jeb's team gerrymandered the butter cow bejesus out of his own Iowa strategy map! How very Republican of them!
Poor Jeb staffer Morgan Mason's "Region 6" is literally east, west, south, and north somewhat . Is Donald Rumsfeld among the many Bush family advisers Jeb's hired for his own doomed campaign?
Maybe this is why, as RawStory noted , Jeb's Iowa team has made "70,000 phone calls to Iowa Republicans — and all they’ve got to show for their efforts is four volunteers." They're probably calling from their cell phones -- "Hello? Hello, Mrs. Republican? Are you there? Can you hear me now? Hello? I said Jeb. Yes, vote Jeb . Hello?" -- as they drive up and down and all the hell over Iowa to cover their "regions."
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In case Republican donors are not persuaded by some of the other arguments the Bush team is making -- like how Mitt Romney's polling was all over the place in 2012, but he still became president, and also the nation has forgotten to devote all its time to hating big brother George -- certainly the campaign's demonstrated understanding of geography ought to seal the deal.
What more could Republicans possibly ask for than yet another President Bush who's guaranteed to get confused and invade all the wrong countries, everywhere like such as?
[ Iowa Starting Line via Brandon Lorenz / Rawstory ]
Jeb! was told there are wormholes between the different parts of Region 6, obvs.
Don't forget sector 7G.