Jesse Watters Says Trump Much Too OLD For Criminal Trials. Much Too Who What Now? OLD, He Said OLD.
Don't worry, the Biden campaign already clipped it and tweeted it.
Greetings, it’s day two of Donald Trump’s real big bad criminal trial in New York. It’s going fine, just snoozes and poots, snoozes and poots. Yesterday was a quick little day, because of Passover, and so too will today be. They’re going to have a hearing on Trump’s gag order violations, though, so that could make some news.
But even these quick little days are CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT for Trump to endure, saith Fox News’s creepy human ice cream van Jesse Watters, and you know why? Because poor Trump is just too old to handle such things.
Bless. His. Heart.
Here’s the clip the Biden campaign tweeted out, because LMAO:
JESSE WATTERS: But the guy needs exercise. He's usually golfing.
Oh, poppycock. “Exercise” is a pretty serious way to describe what Waddles the Clown does on his golf courses. Plus, he thinks real exercise will kill you. Better stay in that chair and rage about people calling him an idiot and a liar and report on his farts and report on his naps and draw ugly pictures that show what an idiot he really looks like.
Etc.
WATTERS: And so, you're going to put a man who's almost 80, sitting in a room like this on his butt for all that time? It's not healthy. You know how big of a health nut I am. He needs sunlight and he needs activity.
Gotta use it, lest you lose it! That’s what they’re always saying down at the retirement home. At the very least they should put on a Silver Sneakers video for him and let him do some gross old man butt kegels or something.
WATTERS: He needs to be walking around, he needs action.
He needs the blonde lady to print him out some more newspaper clippings! He needs to tell a different blonde lady about sharks and then fuck her and then have his lawyer pay her off not to tell anybody what just happened WAIT DOH that’s how we ended up in this courtroom in the first place.
No really. Have a refresher:
Whew! Amazing the things we’ve lived through.
WATTERS: It's really cruel and unusual punishment to make a man do that. And any time he moves, they threaten to throw in prison.
Sucks for him. Hopefully when all these trials are over he’ll have a nice schedule for getting out in the prison yard for a little frolick each afternoon, before his nightly applesauce.
In summary and in conclusion, here is Jesse Watters last night explaining exactly what crime Donald Trump committed here, and bitching, essentially, that it is UNFAIR it is being treated as a crime.
Please keep talking a lot, dipshit. Confess Trump’s crimes for him, say he’s too old for all of it, it’s all A-plus work.
[Transcript via Media Matters]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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Prosecutor in the contempt hearing "The defendant posted a link to someone named Jesse Watters..."
LOL throw some shade at FOX.
Marcy Wheeler has the right take: Jeebus pete you Fox hacks are a bunch of big babies. You're the same people trying to raise the retirement age on people who actually labor for a living, but you're concerned that Trump isn't getting to golf enough?