Joe Biden Had A Press Conference With Your Mom Last Night
Oh shit, Dok is mad. He's MEAN mad, Ma!
President Joe Biden held a brief press conference last night to comment on that partisan hack report by special counsel Robert Hur, which found that Biden hadn’t done anything even resembling a crime in his handling of classified documents, not that that stopped anybody, including the report’s author. To the surprise of nobody, the press’s questions had virtually nothing to do with the report’s actual conclusions, and everything to do with Hur’s politically motivated claims that Biden is a nice old man who is losing his mind.
Hur, who is no more a medical doctor than I am but is a loyal Trump-appointed hack, loaded the report with his unfounded opinions about Biden’s mental acuity. And the White House press corps gobbled it right up and was hungry for more, so once Fox News creep Peter Doocy took the first question and demanded to know whether Biden agrees that he’s too senile to be president, the feeding frenzy was on. Here’s the White House video:
I could be wrong, but it seems to me the shouts for attention got louder and more frenzied as the press conference went on.
Now, let’s keep in mind that the report made clear that Biden hadn’t done any criming at all — and certainly didn’t change the lock on a Mar-a-Lago closet while the FBI was searching the trash palace. So apart from a few questions about whether Biden had “regrets” or would have done anything differently — he said if he had it to do again, he’d keep a closer eye on the staff who packed up his office when his term as Veep ended — of course the reporters went after all the shiny objects Hur had put on display in the report.
Biden certainly wasn’t about to dignify that malarkey, but he also wasn’t about to just let it go and be swift boated either, so he pointed out that if he weren’t capable of holding office, he wouldn’t have racked up the legislative accomplishments of his first term. He pointed out that he fully cooperated with the investigation, and noted that he sat for five hours of sometimes-insulting questions from Hur over two days, all while dealing with an international crisis in Israel.
May we be snotty for a moment? Biden also did not call Israel “Iran,” as House Speaker Dipshit McWhitebread did on Sunday.
Confession: I blanked on Mike Johnson’s name while typing that, then recalled it without any problem while admitting the brain fart just now. That’s how brains work! But then I would say that, both to excuse my own decaying mental acuity and Biden’s, now wouldn’t I?
Oh, but near the end of the presser Biden had another verbal slip, and referred to Egypt’s President Abdel Fatah El-Sisi as “Sisi, the president of Mexico,” while answering a question about Gaza. Clearly he is a senile dodderer! How can he be trusted with the nuclear codes? What if he can’t remember whom we need to rain nuclear death on?
As many have pointed out, there is absolutely zero chance that Joe Biden believes that President Sisi lives in Mexico City or that Mexico borders Gaza. More to the point, look at his actual answer minus that slip: He has the events and the policy details just fine. Roll 212! (haha, Dok is senile and thinks he’s Jon Stewart 15 years ago!) Yes, the mistake is jarring, but listen to everything else, including the news-making criticism that Israel’s actions in Gaza have been “over the top.”
“I think that — as you know, initially, the president of Mexico, Sisi, did not want to open up the gate to allow humanitarian material to get in. I talked to him. I convinced him to open the gate.
“I talked to Bibi to open the gate on the Israeli side. I've been pushing really hard, really hard, to get humanitarian assistance into Gaza. There are a lot of innocent people who are starving, a lot of innocent people who are in trouble and dying. And it's got to stop, number one.
“Number two, I was also in the position that I'm the guy that made the case that we have to do much more to increase the amount of material going in, including fuel, including other items. I've been on the phone with the Qataris. I've been on the phone with the Egyptians.”
There was more, of course. But he said “Mexico,” so all the rest goes into the shredder and Joe Biden is “confused.” Like hell he is. He says the wrong name sometimes, and that’s really it. He’s always done it, and while Yr Doktor Zoom is not a medical Doktor, our cursory googling into research on verbal slips like this suggests it’s a common brain thing, not related to age. Thing is, most of us aren’t on camera when we call the kids the wrong name.
That’s probably just how memory works when it comes to names, per a 2016 study published in Memory & Cognition, which looked at everyday misnaming, like when we mix up the kids’ names. (The study did not, it’s true, look at presidents talking about other world leaders, but perhaps we can generalize.)
The researchers note that such slips aren’t entirely random, but involve others in the same social group — if you call your kid the wrong name, it’ll almost always be the name of another child or family member, not “Mikhail Gorbachev,” for instance. (Also a fun detail: Such slips often include the name of the family dog, but seldom a cat or other pet. Could be because only dogs respond to their names, so we may slot them into the name category of “family members I talk to.”)
Crucially, lead author Samantha Deffler, and her coauthors Cassidy Fox, Christin Ogle, and senior researcher David Rubin, all cognitive scientists at Rollins College in Florida at the time, found that such slips aren’t related to “bad memory” or to aging. Rather, Deffler called it “a normal cognitive glitch” in how the brain sorts names.
So let’s extrapolate a bit regarding Joe Biden, who has always mixed up names, including that wonderful 2008 goof where he introduced his running mate as “the next president of the United States, Barack America." LOL. My own pet theory is that when he was recalling the trouble with opening the border crossing between Gaza and Egypt, his brain simply inserted the name of another country where border issues have been a headache lately. My other pet theory is that my cat is named Thornton.
Oh! But what about Biden’s clearly senile delusional “memories” of talking to European leaders who are actually dead, huh? How will you explain away his conversations with GHOSTS?
Again, kindly get the fuck out. They were similar category errors, swapping “François Mitterrand” (died in 1996) for “Emmanuel Macron,” who starred in a ‘70s soft-porn movie. He also substituted "Helmut Kohl" (died in 2017) for Angela Merkel while discussing a 2021 G7 meeting. Notice that even the slips had logic: right country, wrong leader’s name. Embarrassing, and entirely common. And also entirely different from calling Nancy Pelosi “Nikki Haley” while insisting the woman against whom Trump is running was in charge of Congress and the riots on January 6.
Honestly, it’s so much horrible bullshit, but there we go making excuses for the senile guy again. Let’s elect the fascist rapist instead.
[Yahoo News / NBC News / Medical Daily / Memory & Cognition / NPR]
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Joe Biden isn't any more senile than I am!
Wait, let me rephrase ...
I bet senile ol’ Joe doesn’t even know that Puerto Rico is an island, surrounded by water.