Joe Rogan Telling Impressionable Senior Citizens About Drugs Now
He never even knew what drugs were were until Joe Rogan told him!
In response to podcaster Joe Rogan texting him, said Donald John Trump, he has signed an executive order to ease research restrictions on three psychedelics that are currently illegal in the US, in order to speed up their approval. He announced the government will make a $50 million research investment into psychedelic research, including ibogaine, an African shrub that has only been studied since 2020. And while it has been studied mostly as treatment for substance use disorders, it’s also cardiotoxic and has caused multiple fatalities. So studying it a bit more before rushing it out on the market sounds like a quality idea!
As it happens, last year Texas passed a bill creating a consortium of universities, hospitals, and drug developers to conduct clinical trials, and less than a month ago set aside exactly $50 million to study ibogaine, because no drug company wants to be involved. In exchange for all that, Texas wants 20 percent of any future ibogaine revenue.
But never mind that, Trump claimed it’s because Joe Rogan texted him. “I want to tell everybody how this happened. I sent President Trump some information. The text message that came back, ‘sounds great, do you want FDA approval? Let’s do it,’ literally that quick.” So you know it must be safe AND effective! You know how much Trump worries about that! So much that the National Institutes of Health (NIH) has fired thousands of the people who were in the business of conducting such studies.
But who needs studies? Joe is such a super guy! “We all respect Joe and he’s a little bit more liberal than I am, that’s okay. I have a lot of friends that are liberal. Joe is an amazing guy. He wrote me a little note about this and I had it checked out. Everybody came back with the same answer.”
Sure, he’s more liberal, and not a brain science guy or nothing, but amazing, unlike that snooty pope or that fussy Dr. Anthony Fauci! And let this be a reminder to you, would-be supplicants, that Trump doesn’t throw every single person under the bus like some kind of Pam Bondi or Kristi Noem. Sometimes you go under the bus, but other times you can text the president himself on the plug line and get some drugs!
And boy howdy does Trump want some too, and holy shit does he look bad. Drugs, another Diet Coke, a trip to the groomer, somebody get that man something.
Where are his cellophane flowers? His marshmallow pies?
Though he did walk back that joke, or “joke,” back real fast: “I don’t have time to be depressed. You know, if you stay busy enough, maybe that works, too. That’s what I do.” No, then you are just busy and depressed. Bombing eight countries, murdering a bunch of schoolgirls and obsessing over building monuments to oneself do not seem like the actions of a happy person. Depression can also manifest as someone feeling disproportionately angry a lot instead of just sad and listless, and another symptom can be “picking fights, being irritable, critical, or mean.” That sounds like his entire existence! Some studies have found anger and irritability associated with the more severe forms of chronic depression. It tracks.
Anyway, Trump is the Holy Lord Executive President, and if he wants to trip balls off of some cardiotoxic African shrub, who will stop him?
Hey, could the rest of us get some kind of health care plan that just makes it so grandma doesn’t go bankrupt buying a hearing aid? What? What? Oh, never mind, then.
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Joe Rogan is the Patron Saint of Dunning-Kruger. The absolute avatar of "Things I wish were true," the guiding light for millions of purposefully credulous people.
To think that I, as a naive kid coming up in the 1990s, had such wonder about the Internet. We have unlimited knowledge at our fingertips and instead so many of us waste it on bunk to feed epistemic closure.
Can some other podcaster text him that war is bad? Ballrooms are bad? Fascism is bad? Mmmkay?