667 Comments

In a Kentucky diner, a couple friends see a woman start to choke. One of them runs up to her, pulls down her panties, and tongues her butt. She is so started she spits out the piece of food she was choking on. He sits back down and his friend says, "Y'know, I heared of that Hind Lick Maneuver, but I never seen it before."

Expand full comment

My wife saved our friend by using the Heimlech maneuver one day while we were out camping. He was choking on a piece of steak. Of course we applauded and appreciated her quick action.

I see now that we were remiss in not lionizing her, calling the newspapers, and starting a tweet storm about her heroism. Our friend, a true liberal and Democrat did not come up with a catchy (nor kvetchy)political metaphor, and we simply went back to eating and drinking wine (after admonishing our friend to chew his steak more diligently.)

Truly a great opportunity was missed.

Expand full comment

They have a life-threatening moment and their first instinct isn’t to embrace life, see how monstrous Trumpism is, and re-commit themselves to spreading joy, no no. It’s an opportunity for a tired political soundbite about whatever “woke” means to them today. There’s no saving them.

Expand full comment

Anyone quoting Mises for any reason other than to dunk on him isn't anyone to be impressed by.

Expand full comment

A peon at work used the Heimlich Maneuver on a choking fellow employee. The supervisor (who did nothing) claimed it wasn't that big of a deal. I agreed, pointing out that oxygen was more of a fad than a necessity.

Expand full comment

“Not all senators can quote Mises and Hayek“

“I’m not gonna drain you completely, you'll be my slave because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs.”—Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn

Expand full comment

Did she choke on a hog testicle?

Expand full comment

More likely on her own bile. It appears that even she can't get it out of her mouth fast enough.

Expand full comment

You gotta hand it to Joni for managing to be the asshole in a story that also mentioned Rand Paul doing something good.

Expand full comment

“The resulting projectile, described as ‘a glob of something,’ ricocheted off Ernst’s plate, whipped across the room at high velocity, and entered the ear of a 110-year-old Silver Star recipient, killing him instantly. Ernst was later said. ‘Boy, that was lucky!’”

Expand full comment

I saved my cousin from drowning once. 60 years ago. What have I done for her lately?

Expand full comment

If you save someone from choking, it will just encourage more people to choke. It’s a moral hazard

Expand full comment

Doing anything that encourages Rand Paul to put his arms around you is a serious hazard.

Expand full comment

people will do it because it's cool and they want to be like their heroes (brb, gotta change after peeing myself laughing)

Expand full comment

"...quote Mises and Hayek while saving lives."

So Rand Paul can't even do a good deed without being insufferable in the process.

Expand full comment

Bull ball busting bitch dodges the Reaper & uses her next breath to issue lame bankshot at her political rivals. Class will tell. Re: Rand - nice job, hon, but you don’t need a self-conferred credential to know Heimlich. Google it, youngsters…it works!

Expand full comment

Why, I remember seeing John Belushi do it to himself in a sketch where he was playing Queen Elizabeth.

Expand full comment

Unless there's video of Joni choking and the eye "doctor" performing the Heimlich, while keeping his wig on straight, I don't believe it. Show me the receipts..

Expand full comment

After all, these are the people who say Trump won 2020 with minus -7 million votes. Facts and truth ain’t their thang.

Expand full comment

Mises is the guy who said you should be under no legal obligation to feed and clothe your children. Anyone invoking his name with awe has brain worms, those brain worms have brain worms, and those brain worms have syphilis.

Expand full comment

do i have to go all the way to 'glad"?

Expand full comment

I'm glad I don't have to pretend to feel bad about her death because she didn't die.

Expand full comment