190 Comments
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42tontom's avatar

“I hereby declare that..”

SHUT THE FUCK UP

SterWonk's avatar

> ... his weird misogyny-heavy brand of Christian nationalism.

Is there a misogyny-*light* brand of Christian nationalism I'm unaware of?

Why So Lugubrious?'s avatar

Tony Perkins is still alive?

Maybe he'll come around someday.

Anyway...

Warren's avatar

Hi Doc! Seeing as I live in Texas, and my wife always writes in Lassie, I am quite aware that the only requirements to be President are to be born in the USA and 35 years of age. Given the Supreme Court’s ability to twist the meaning of words beyond anything Noam Chomsky and Samuel Johnson ever envisioned, including the naughty bits, I am very interested in writing in Thornton, because I am quite sure he is 35 in cat years, and the Constitution does not specify that a year should be a revolution around the sun, without going into the history of physics and astronomy. Sidereal year.

As for being awakened by a cat at 0430 in the morning, because he wants to start the day and be stroked, although his litter box is cleaned and he has food in his dish, I am very familiar with the head butt. Followed by the paw with the claws retracted. Followed by the paw on the power switch on my CPAP machine. Followed by the paw with the claws extended, which penetrate the blanket that is over my head. He can also climb the headboard and dive bomb my face, but that usually is not necessary.

Josh Hawley missed his grift in life. He should be taking over Gerald LK Smith’s ministry, with the Christ of the Ozarks and the Cross, the Sword, the Covenant of the Lord. Then he wouldn’t have to throw the bone to conservative Orthodox Jews, and instead could preach about how The Lamb Of God will cast them into the Lake Of Fire from His Great White Throne on the Day Of Judgement, along with all the woke liberal Democrats like James Talarico and Claire McCaskill, as is foretold in the Book Of Revelation.

Kilo the Cat can preach, when he meows for me to wake up, me to feed him, and me to clean his litterbox. I’m sure Thirnton can as well. 😉

chascates's avatar

Once you do purchase that other prescription cat food Thornton will of course either only eat the gravy (again) or disdainfully ignore it.

SterWonk's avatar

> ... after weeks of serious reflection and consultation with my loved ones (my cat and my girlfriend M), ...

WHAR Not-A-Kid-Anymore Zoom?

swmnguy's avatar

Now that Dok raises the matter, I feel I should mention that I also will not be running for President in 2028.

My journey to this decision is a bit different from Dok's.

I realize also that the Iowa Caucuses are in 18 months. And I can't say the word "Caucus" without snickering like the 10 year-old boy I really am, so I thought it better to just forego the pleasure.

Bagels of Doom's avatar

It is very very sad that so many of us won't. Very very sad indeed.

ames's avatar

Ban abortion? I think a lot of the party is planning who they're going to force it on. Eugenics, baby!

DogParent's avatar

Just another mediocre white man, answering a question no one asked...

Later today I think I will issue a statement confirming that I will not be taking skydiving lessons this year, something literally no one has suggested I do.

EyeQueue's avatar

OT: Duncan Shiek died. :( He was only 56. I really liked him.

Here is my favorite:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZL-XeZvv5k&list=RDIZL-XeZvv5k&start_radio=1

Bagels of Doom's avatar

Oh man! :(

He looked like a young agent Mulder from a lost episode of the X-Files in the video to Barely Breathing.

Demme Epstein Fatale's avatar

I can't wait until Claire McCaskill comments on this!

(BTW: what a great photo of Thornton!)

PrimerGray's avatar

He tries to act tough speak forcefully but he doesn't strike me as a leader.

He's a dedicated follower of fascism.

Oh yes he is. Oh yes he is.

swmnguy's avatar

Or a different song, with a nod to that Kinks lyric:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsZJ-utwKOA

Billy Bragg, "Accident Waiting To Happen"

aktlib101's avatar

Brace yourselves, it won't be pretty.

"The Great American Energy Crisis is Officially Here

https://deanblundell.substack.com/p/the-great-american-energy-crisis?r=4bv4c&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Canadian blogger Dean Blundell took a look at what is likely to happen from this point on, and it’s not pretty. The world economy has largely muddled along to this point, but the cushions that were keeping things rolling along are about done softening the blow that is now going to hit. They were:

--Cushion one: the US Strategic Petroleum Reserve has been drawn down and is hitting physical and legal limits on how much more and how quickly can be pumped.

--Cushion two: the IEA release. The biggest release from the IEA was back in March; global reserve supplies are also down.

--Cushion three: China. The country has now drawn down its own reserves, independently of IEA efforts.

--Cushion four: the Saudi bypass. As mentioned above, Saudi Arabia is currently constrained from shipping oil via the Strait of Hormuz and the Strait of Bad el-Mandeb."

Checkmate.

Antifa Commander's avatar

Are you saying we don’t have any cards? Unpossible!

N. Andrew Walsh's avatar

The idea that any Republican would run against Trump in '28 is ludicrous. If Fat Joffrey is still somehow alive in two years, he's going to run, and he'll win.

Antifa Commander's avatar

Baloney. He'll be as campaign-ready as Mitch McConnell by then.

Fifth Dentist's avatar

In the closing days of the last election he mimicked going down on a microphone and regaled his listeners with tales of Arnold Palmer's big honking schlong.

A lot of USians just want to be entertained, and a 20-second clip of president mic-blower is knee-slapping funny.