Judge Orders 'Alligator Alcatraz' Shut Down, Dismantled, Crushed, Driven Out, The Lamentations Of Their Women ...

THEY HAVE 60 SECONDS ... we mean days ... TO COMPLY.

An undocumented migrant, newly escaped from the Everglades prison camp, walks right into an alligator’s clever trap.

Remember the so-called “Alligator Alcatraz” prison camp for immigrants in the Everglades, with its cutesy fucking name and its cutesy fucking merchandise and its cutesy fucking road signs that MAGA losers keep driving out into a remote corner of South Florida mosquito country — otherwise known as all of South Florida — to take pictures of themselves giggling and haw-hawing next to?

Well, in an 82-page ruling, a federal district judge on Thursday ordered the place to be shut down and dismantled, barbed wire fence by barbed wire fence, in the next 60 days. All migrants currently being held there must be moved out, after which the government has to take out not just all the fencing, but also generators and sewage facilities. Which, last we checked, had been put in so hastily that detainees were complaining about ankle-deep floods of wastewater.

And while Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis might have some adorable Dallas Cowboy cheerleader boots he can use on visits, your average detainee had zero protection when wading through all that shit. Literally shit.

Also, the government must yank out the lighting that had lit the camp up so much it could allegedly be seen from 15 miles away, disrupted any nearby nocturnal wildlife, and, we assume, gave airline pilots a sight to point out to their passengers. And if you look out the left side of the aircraft, you’ll see the huge, inhumane Everglades prison camp from Stephen Miller’s wettest dreams!

Expect some ICEstapo chode to preserve a couple of those Alligator Alcatraz road signs and hang them in his basement man cave like a frat brother displaying the Miller High Life sign he swiped out of a Gainesville bar known for serving underage college students.

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The lawsuit was brought by an environmental group and a local Native American tribe arguing that the camp was accelerating the destruction of fragile wetlands with potentially catastrophic effects for the ecosystem, including for the native Miccosukee for whom the area around the camp was sacred ancient tribal land on which they hunted and fished.

The environmentalists and the Miccosukee had sued both the state and federal governments under the National Environmental Policy Act, a 1970 law signed by noted hippie Richard Nixon, that requires environmental impact studies and alternatives for any federal project that will significantly impact the environment. The area around the camp had already been slated once as the site of a giant jetport serving the greater Miami area, which environmentalists got cancelled. Since then, as the judge noted in her decision,

[E]very Florida governor, every Florida senator, and countless local and national political figures, including presidents, have publicly pledged their unequivocal support for the restoration, conservation, and protection of the Everglades.

But the feds in this case are so anxious to move people into detention before deporting them, and Ron DeSantis is so desperate for a pat on the head and a nice blowy from President Trump, that they simply ignored that whole “required by law” thing. In their minds, the presence of immigrants in America is such an emergency that it justifies breaking every rule, regulation, law, civil right, norm, tradition, and precedent the country has ever established in the last 250 years.

Reaction on the Right to this setback to the Great Glorious Emperor Trump’s plans to make America whiter than a warehouse full of hotel bathrobes has been remarkably muted so far. Even Trump hasn’t posted one of his signature TruthSocial rants with all the attendant Random capitalizations and “quotation marks.” About the strongest comment we have found is a spokesman for Florida’s state attorney general who said the judge had “overstep[ped] her authority,” and that the defendants were planning to appeal.

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Surprisingly, at least to us, the district judge, Kathleen Williams, did not automatically stay her order to give the defendants a chance to appeal. Which they did in about an hour, to the Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals, where half the active judges were appointed by Donald Trump. So we imagine this order is going to get stayed pending a hearing at any moment, and the camp will be allowed to operate until the legal proceedings have gone all the way up to the Supreme Court, where Sam Alito and Clarence Thomas are probably already rubbing their pincers together in anticipation of overturning it and condemning the poor souls there to more misery. But we’ll try to enjoy ourselves until then.

We would have liked it if Williams had ordered the camp shut down based on it being a moral atrocity and a grotesque stain on America’s reputation as a nation that is nominally welcoming to immigrants. And we would have liked it if she had ordered that Trump, DeSantis, Kristi Noem, Tom Homan, and the rest of the extras from Schindler’s List currently masquerading as America’s government first spend a month there, sleeping in the bunk beds set up in cages and eating the maggot-drenched food that was allegedly being served. But we understand we can’t have everything.

[WaPo / Judge Williams’ decision]

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