Julian Assange Terrorizes World With Consensual, Unprotected Sexytime
Remember when fragile Australian War Criminal Julian Assange allegedly raped two Swedish ladies? We confidently assumed these so-called ladies were actually just CIA drag queens causing mischief, but the Facts suggest otherwise: Julian Assange joyously finger-banged these two Swedes -- and it was awesome and totally consensual -- but Julian forgot to wear condoms on his fingertips , which is why Interpol needs to arrest him. (Somebody forgot to watch the expand=1] saddest "wear a condom" PSA in Recorded Human History, featuring none other than Dancin' Safe Sex Sensation Bristol Palin and that greasy guy from The Jersey Shore !) Apparently "consensual, unprotected sexytime WAIT A SECOND why didn't you wear a condom?" is called "sex by surprise" in Sweden, and it is a war crime.Even prosecutors admit that this make-out session was consensual, and that the charges filed against Assange are embarrassing and dumb. Anyway, Julian Assange got to touch two different Swedish ladies at the same time , without using protection, and this puts U.S. diplomats in grave danger of contracting crotch rot or maybe even crabs. Arrest/Kill him! [ Slate / Raw Story ]
The House censured Charlie Rangel. Meh. [ National Journal ]
Meanwhile, House Democrats somehow managed to pass those tax cuts for the evil middle-class! Too bad this no-brainer will never, ever get through the Senate. [ ABC News ]
17 years in a couple of weeks, thus the "surprise" element of sex. And I had no idea the price had risen so. I had been perfectly happy with coffee in bed.
I believe it will appear in a case study in a medical journal.