Kandiss Taylor's Not Some Flat-Earth Kook! She's Just Raising Awareness About NASA's Globe Conspiracy

We assume that's better?

Failed far-right gubernatorial candidate Kandiss Taylor, who was somehow elected a Georgia Republican district chair, is very upset that people keep pushing their round Earth lifestyle in her face. On a recent episode of her "Jesus, Guns, and Babies" podcast, she commiserated with fellow kooks David " Flat Earth Dave" Weiss and Matt Long. She lamented, “Every store, you buy a globe. There’s globes everywhere. Every movie, every TV show, news media — why? It doesn’t make sense.”

"Everywhere there's globes. You see them all the time, it's constant. My children will be like 'Mama, globe, globe, globe, globe' — they're everywhere." It's like a very dull horror film with a strict geographic focus.

"And that's what they do to brainwash," she continued, like a perfectly sane and rational person. "For me, if it is not a conspiracy ... if it is real, why are you pushing so hard everywhere I go? Every store, you buy a globe, there's globes everywhere. Every movie, every TV show, news media — why?"

No, I'm not making this up. It's real and it's spectacularly insane. 

“Kandiss Taylor, who ran for governor in 2022 and recently became a Georgia GOP district chair, is a flat earther: "Everywhere there's globes ... and that's what they do to brainwash."”

— Right Wing Watch (@Right Wing Watch) 1684771442 

PREVIOUSLY:

 Kandiss Taylor So Glad Founding Fathers Sacrificed Native Americans So She Could Love Jesus 

 This Lady Also Running For Georgia Governor, Promises Jesus And A Gun In Every Womb 

A couple weeks ago, Georgia-born comedian Blaire Erskine spoofed Taylor’s goofball flat-Earth conspiracy theories. Watch and enjoy:

“Kandiss Taylor explaining how the Earth is flat”

— blaire erskine (@blaire erskine) 1684978931 

Taylor has since responded to Erskine's parody video. She has notes! It also sounds as if Taylor is doing her own impression of Erskine's impression of her. It's all very meta.

"I am a Christian. I love Jesus. I am a woman," she said, getting all that out of the way. "I'm created perfect in the image of God." Sure, fine, whatever. "I know who I am. I'm firm in that." OK, lady, will you finally get around to telling us your coffee order? A line is forming.

"I've never said the Earth is flat," she clarified. "I've never said that I was a flat-Earther. Never, ever, ever have I said that. I did not say that globes are fake. I didn't say that."

That was all very encouraging, but then she somehow went to an even weirder place. She's not a common flat-Earther. She's just opposed to Big Globe.

“Fmr. GA Gov candidate and current GOP official Kandiss Taylor is upset about the Blaire Erskine skit making fun of her as a flat-earther. She explains her actual position, which has something to do with globes being NASA propaganda. I think.”

— Ron Filipkowski (@Ron Filipkowski) 1685931903 

"What I said was that NASA taking billions of dollars every month of our taxpayer money and funding something that we do not see any progression in. If the Earth is a globe, which we've always believed the Earth is a globe, and we believe that, then why do we see globes on all the TV shows, on all the movies, and all the stores? Why are there globes everywhere?"

Maybe because the planet is itself globe-shaped, so globes represent the world in which we live? Well, that's the easy answer. Taylor said that globes are all part of NASA's propaganda machine. The globes apparently lull us into a state of spherical complacency where we're OK with NASA "spending billions of dollars of our tax payer money to fund whatever they want to fund."

Taylor insists that her unfounded NASA conspiracy theory doesn't mean that she's "crazy" or "unethical." This very normal person called Erskine a "radical, liberal, psychotic girl in Atlanta" and lamented how people keep thinking the parody video is of her. After all, they look nothing alike!

"Look at my lips," she said, while helpfully pointing to her lips. "She had on red lipstick, but she does not a full top lip, and I told her that the red was a nice touch but you don't have the lips for it. She looks nothing like me, praise the Lord. And she writes skits for 'Saturday Night Live.'"

Well, now that's borderline slander. Erskine actually writes for "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

"She has a fake Southern accent. She's an Atlantan. She doesn't sound like me."

Erskine moved to Atlanta in 2011 when she was 20. However, she grew up in Ellaville, Georgia, and her accent is quite real.

Loons like Taylor are displacing mainstream, traditionally awful Republicans in key positions. When Taylor was elected Republican chair of Georgia's First District in April, former Cobb County Republican Chair Jason Shepherd told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, “I don’t recognize the GOP anymore ... and I’ve decided it’s time to devote my energies to better purposes, like actually helping elect Republican candidates.”

He says that but as people like Taylor gain power, more Republicans will probably start talking about the NASA Big Globe conspiracy.

 Follow Stephen Robinson on  Twitter if it still exists. 

Catch SER on his new podcast, The Play Typer Guy. 

Did you know SER has his own YouTube Channel? Well, now you do, so go subscribe right now!

Click the widget to keep your Wonkette ad-free and feisty.