Kellyanne Conway Invited On All TV Shows That Ever Existed, Says Kellyanne Conway

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It was about a week ago when we reported at you that lie-faced loudmouth Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway was having the worst of all weeks. Networks were saying she couldn't come on their shows because she makes up Bowling Green Massacres, Joe and Mika were talking about what an #AlternativeFacts asshole she is for lying all the time, and she was getting roundly made fun of for having no idea what was going on in the Trump regime, as she said former National Security Adviser Mike Flynn had the "full confidence" of the president mere hours before he was shitcanned. Oh, what a terrible week!

And then she disappeared. Where did she go? Does Donald Trump hate her now? Did he tell her he's never going to cry his way up the stairs to her office again, because stairs make Trump cry? Did Conway get reabsorbed into the otherworldly demonic soup what birthed her, and thus no longer exists in this dimension? Is she taking one really long poop? WHITHER KELLYANNE?

Nah, man, she's just like doing other things right now, and it's not like every TV show on earth, even the ones on Animal Planet and HGTV, hasn't been begging her to come on, she's just trying something different. And if you think it's because everybody hates her and she's not allowed to go on TV anymore, then you are fake news:

"I've been invited on shows every day, including two Sunday shows. I'm trying to focus on other pieces of my portfolio," Conway said. She also said that Trump was his own best "communicator and connector," and did not need her to be a constant presence on television. "None of us do it like he does," she said.

Mike Huckabee's daughter Sarah, who works in the White House, also said Kellyanne Conway is just doing other important things right now, and we shouldn't worry about it one bit. Mmhmm, we bet.

Tell us what anonymous leaky White House sources say is REALLY going on, CNN:

... [T]he president and his top advisers [concluded] that her appearances were doing more harm than good for the administration, the sources said.

She was "off message," a White House source said. [...]

"Clearly they're having much more of a drama-free week," a source close to the White House said. "Having Kellyanne off television is helping them." [...]

"Trump was using her as an effective surrogate, then she started becoming ineffective," one of the sources said. "So they're letting the heat cool off."

Turns out the White House thinks the "shit sandwich" that is the entire Trump presidency so far was cooked at least in part by Kellyanne Conway! We'd agree with that assessment.

But, for now, while the "heat" is "cooling off," is Kellyanne allowed out in the open to breathe fresh air with the other human-like people who work for the Trump regime? Well it seems like maybe! Mediaite, desperate for a headline with Conway's name in it (not judging, Wonkette feels their pain), reported Wednesday that a dumb conservative lady reporter from the Las Vegas Review-Journal asked a question at Sean Spicer's press briefing that was so stupid that Conway did a "facepalm." And CNN says she's going on Fox News tonight, presumably to lick her wounds, we'd guess with either Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly.

So everything's fine, don't you worry about Kellyanne Conway, you betcha! She'll be back in our faces in no time, lying her face off, and we'll all look back on this week fondly, remembering that time Kellyanne Conway fucked off and stopped bothering us for five minutes. Ah, those were the days.

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[ CNN ]