Laura Loomer Says MTG's Got Baloney In Her Slacks
The Loomer v. Bill Maher deposition, well, it's a lot!
Last September, before the election Donald Trump somehow won, Bill Maher looked at Laura Loomer jetting around on Trump’s plane and suggested that he thought she and Trump were doing gross sex stuff on each other’s bodies. Loomer says that Maher’s stated opinion of the hypothetical two-backed hellbeast is why the White House did not give her a White House job, and all the riches that would flow therefrom, and thus is she damaged.
And so, with the help of America’s Favorite Law Pal, Larry Klayman, Loomer is suing Maher and HBO for … oh, just $150 million.
I have been reading Loomer’s deposition for more than seven hours now — hey I finally finished! — and I have many, many, many thoughts, which I will share with you because I love and hate you very much.
First, Loomer was deposed by Katherine Bolger of Davis Wright Tremaine. I did not know until Loomer screamed at Bolger that she is a disgusting Democrat who does disgusting Democrat law stuff that DWT represented both ABC and CBS in their extortion settlements with Trump. Of course Loomer “explained” that they had to settle because they did not journalism good like Loomer journalisms good — yes we will get to the slacks-baloney and “infested snatch” — and not because they wanted to bribe the king.
(This is where I disclose that my uncle is a partner at DWT, and that I have no inside knowledge and would never ask for any, and if I did, my uncle would explain in his gentlemanly and urbane tone that Rebecca, he’s not telling me that, and he’s shocked I even asked. I can only pray that they counseled extremely strongly against settling, but I literally do not know anything at all. As usual! Doh!)
PREVIOUSLY IN I DID NOT EVEN KNOW THAT, DOH!
So early on in these seven hours of my remaining time on this earth, Bolger — who mostly always kept her cool, for which she should get one of Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize (nominations) and a Trump/Kennedy Center honor — was clearly laying some groundwork for “you say Maher’s opinion that you were fucking the candidate was why you did not get the White House job, but did you happen to see all these news stories that same week about what a lunatic you are and nobody wants you near the candidate, could that have had anything to do with the job non-getting?” And here is how KLAYMAN interjected:
MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. What's the relevancy of this? It's written by Associated Press […] — a Trump-hating organization, which the Israelis even had to bomb their building in Gaza because they were supporting Hamas.
The Israelis even had to bomb their building in Gaza because they were supporting Hamas.
So that’s the kind of worldview we get a lot of in Laura Loomer v. Bill Maher! The Israelis had to bomb the AP. Really, they had no choice. Really puts the war in FREE SPEECH WARRIOR!
Here’s a question about whether Loomer, who is very proud of her journalism, has ever taken a journalism ethics class; in depositions, you are instructed to only answer the question put to you. This, in Loomer’s deposition, never once happens, not ever ever ever.
Q Have you ever taken a journalism ethics course?
A Yes.
Q When did you do that?
A When I was in college.
Q What did you learn in that course?
A Well --
MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. Harassment.
THE WITNESS: I learned that the educational system in our colleges and our universities is plagued by Democrats who pretend to be intellectuals, who want to try to indoctrinate students with a left-wing etiology. I learned about the importance of standing up for your rights. And I learned about the importance of not being bullied by professors. And I successfully resisted being indoctrinated into a little “mini-Marxist” and communist, which is what we're seeing come out of a lot of American universities today. You know, it's why President Trump wanted to defund the Department of Education because people know that there's a progressive Marxist rot in our educational institutions. And so I would say that I took a lot of what I learned in -- in college with a grain of salt because I'm not going to let myself be a vehicle for Marxist indoctrination.
Or try this one on:
Q You were also banned from Uber; right?
A Yep. […]
Q And why was that?
A Because I was in an Uber on Rosh Hashanah with a friend of mine, and we had a radical Muslim driver. And when he saw I was wearing a Star of David necklace, and he heard me and my friend talking about Rosh Hashanah, he started screaming belligerently in Arabic. And he called me “a filthy fucking Jew” and told me to get out of his car. And he threw us out of a moving vehicle. We reported the incident to Mayor de Blasio's office. We reported the incident to Uber. They did nothing because the CEO of Uber, at the time, was a Muslim, and they did nothing to address it. And a month later, a Muslim terrorist who was allowed to come into our country under Obama, used a vehicle while he was an Uber driver to mow down, I believe, 12 people in a bike lane in Manhattan, killing 8 of them. And then he got out of this --
Q I'm so sorry. I thought the question was why you got banned --
MR. KLAYMAN She's allowed to answer. Let her answer.
THE WITNESS There's a -- because there's context, and you're trying to make the jury, if this goes to trial, think I'm a Nazi and a white supremacist, and I'm not a fucking Nazi. I'm Jewish; okay? So I'm not going to let you say that I was wearing a yellow star so that you can try to gaslight people into thinking I'm a Nazi. I'm not going to let you fucking twist this. And I know what you're doing. I know what type of people you are. You're fucking Democrats; okay? You represent the filthiest fucking people in our country -- Democrat scumbags.
There were like 210 pages of this.
There were a lot of times I had a strange empathy for Loomer — for some reason, they seem to have left her off the grifter gravy train, possibly because she actually believes all her bullshit instead of just doing it for the paycheck, and it sounds like she might be poor? She seems to be scrambling to make a living with her “journalism” of “LOOMERING” (yelling at) Sherrod Brown about Haitians kidnapping the pets and whatnot — which it seems like she really truly actually believes! Her all-consuming love (and I do mean it platonically, I’m not being coy) for the president is beyond cultish, and she gets a few pats on the head, a whole bunch of “look at this great girl!” which she cherishes beyond anything, and not even a press pass to the White House briefing room in return.
She seems … pathetic.
This long discursion — they were all long, they were all discursions — in questioning that was presumably meant to point out Loomer’s near-constant ugly opinionating on others, as well as her fixation on others’ sex lives, is on George and Kellyanne Conway’s daughter and the absolutely foul things Loomer said about the 19-year-old woman. (“Daddy issues got you down, Claudia Conway? Don't hate Trump just because he actually loves his children. How does it feel knowing that your dad loves attacking President Trump more than he loves you? Is that why you take your clothes off for five dollars a month looking for other men to call 'Daddy'? You're one sad, pathetic, broken bitch.”) Loomer explained that taking your clothes off for seminude photos makes you a “degenerate.”
A If you -- if you raise your child to be a moral person, your daughter's not going to be taking her clothes off. You fail as a parent if you're -- you have a degenerate child.
Q Sorry. Women who take their clothes off are degenerate?
A Women who take their clothes off for money are degenerate. Yes.
Q Strippers are degenerate?
A Women who sell photos of themselves, either naked or semi-naked are degenerate. Yes.
It’s weird she said such nice things about Melania Trump in the rest of the deposition, but self-awareness and consistency aren’t really her forte.
But also Laura Loomer, true believer that she is in many things, is not afraid to lie a lot. Here’s where Laura Loomer pretended that “snatch” doesn’t refer to Kamala Harris’s vagina, beginning with her having to read a really gross tweet out loud:
A “I guess you would know a thing or two about trashy Montel Williams, given the fact that you dated and stuck your cock inside Kamala Harris many years ago. I've heard everything her infested snatch touches also dies a miserable, painful death.” Again. They -- he -- what is on the record is saying that he had sex with Kamala Harris, and they dated. He was accompanied by her when they were dating to some kind of music award --
Q It's on the -- well, you and Mr. Klayman thought this was funny; right?
MR. KLAYMAN: No. I don't think it's funny --
THE WITNESS: I don't know.
MS. BOLGER: I saw you --
MR. KLAYMAN: -- it's a nervous reaction.
MS. BOLGER: I saw you laugh, Mr. Klayman.
MR. KLAYMAN: I didn't laugh.
MS. BOLGER: And I saw you laugh too, Ms. Loomer.
MR. KLAYMAN: No. I didn't laugh.
[…]
Q And what was the source for your statement that everything —
MR. KLAYMAN: The fact that you say so doesn't mean I'm cracking up.
BY MS. BOLGER: Q -- “everything Kamala Harris's infested snatch touches also dies a miserable, painful death"; what is your source for the fact that she had an “infested snatch”?
A Well, “snatch” could mean many things, but --
MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy.
THE WITNESS: -- you know, it's a descriptive word to describe Kamala Harris.
BY MS. BOLGER: Q You meant her vagina?
A But she's -- but you know --
Q You meant her vagina; didn't you?
A -- she -- she contributed to four years of our country almost dying a painful, miserable death. And you know, I think Joe Biden is on his way to having a miserable, painful death.
Q So what you actually said here was -- I heard “everything her infested snatch touches also dies a miserable, painful death”; you were referencing her vagina; were you not?
A I think that's speculative. It doesn't say “vagina.”
MR. KLAYMAN: That's
BY MS. BOLGER: Q You said it.
A Well, I didn't say “vagina.” I would have said “vagina.”
Q Well, you're saying “you stuck your cock inside at Kamala Harris many years ago. I heard everything her infested snatch touches also dies”
MR. KLAYMAN: Objection -- continuing. Relevancy.
BY MS. BOLGER: Q -- “a miserable, painful death”; isn't it the case that you were making a reference to her vagina?
A No. I was just trying --
Q So what were you using that word for?
A I was just talking about Kamala. Like, everything she touches -- as President Trump says, everything they touch turns to shit; right? The -- President Trump says that a lot too in his speeches. Everything these Democrats do with DEI and woke turns to shit. So it's all --
Q So you're making -- you're being hyperbolic -- speaking figuratively?
A Well, I mean --
MR. KLAYMAN: Relevancy.
THE WITNESS: It's obvious that Kamala Harris has contributed to a lot of destruction in our country. It's why President Trump won the election. It's why everybody who worked in the Biden administration is not writing tell-all books because everything she's involved with dies a miserable, painful death, including her failed campaign.
BY MS. BOLGER: Q Well, you were either saying she had an “infested snatch” as a statement of fact, or you were speaking rhetorically about the fact that she had what you're now characterizing this as an infested snatch -- that denies the -- that destroyed the country; so which one was it? Are you saying she has an infested snatch, or are you expressing your opinion about her?
MR. KLAYMAN: This case is not about Kamala Harris's alleged infection -- infested snatch.
MS. BOLGER: You guys are -- think it's so funny.
MR. KLAYMAN: No. I'm thinking you're funny. You're funny because you're the one that wants to do this.
MS. BOLGER: Please keep laughing.
MR. KLAYMAN: I'm laughing at you.
THE WITNESS: I -- I will say I do think it's funny because -- this has nothing to do with Bill Maher who donated to Kamala Harris, by the way. So again, it's a conflict of interest. I think people should be aware of that.
BY MS. BOLGER: Q So it's a joke? You told a joke; right?
A It's not a joke. I'm telling it's a fact that Montel Williams had sex with Kamala Harris. It's — just like it's a fact that -- Willie Brown had sex with Kamala Harris. It's a fact.
Q Right. The “infested snatch” line, you're making a joke; right?
A No. I'm just saying --
Q Okay. Then what's your source for the fact that she has an “infested snatch”? Because it's either a statement of facts --
A Well, it depends on what your definition of the word, “snatch” is.
Q What's yours? You wrote it.
MR. KLAYMAN: What she said has nothing to do with what Bill Maher said. This is not a case about Kamala Harris or any of her alleged physical properties. It's not a case about that. This is irrelevant.
BY MS. BOLGER: You wrote a sentence saying she had an “infested snatch”; what is your basis?
A I don't know what I was referring to, honestly. I could be referring to Kamala Harris, herself.
Q What? Of course, you're referring to Kamala Harris. You're talking about her body; you're talking about her vagina?
A No. I'm just talking about Kamala Harris.
Q Well, a snatch is a vagina; isn't it?
A It's up for interpretation.
MR. KLAYMAN: You know that for a fact?
BY MS. BOLGER: Q What is another possible word -- definition of the word, “snatch,” that you've ever heard as a human being on Planet Earth?
A I don't know. It's up for interpretation.
And of course, there’s the part everyone’s been goggling at, Loomer accusing former friend and current not-that Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of having roast beef in her pants. (She means her vagina is “used” and “looks like roast beef,” it’s a thing incels think about women who have sex.)
A “Hey, Marjorie. Remember when you destroyed your family so you could have sex with a Zangief cosplayer? Tell me again how you and the Arby's in your pants” -- yeah. That was widely reported. I mean, that's why she got divorced. And that divorce records --
Q No. No. Read the tweet.
A “Are representatives of the GOP. You couldn't even run your own family. Don't tell me how to run my free speech.”
Q Okay. So when you
A But you're not showing the -- the screenshot. It's like intentionally blurred out. I don't know why you blurred it out. But it showed a document where somebody who she had an affair with showed text messages of her having an affair, and it was well-documented. It was in text messages. And it's the reason why she ended up getting divorced from her husband, Perry, who I know. 'Cause when -- at the time, during my campaign, they were married, and they came to my event. And it's well-known. And she's even admitted to it that they got divorced because of her marital infidelity. So --
Q Right. Can you explain to me what it means […] to say to her that “the Arby's in her pants”?
A Well, Arby's -- Arby's sells roast beef.
Q Right. Can you tell me what -- why you were talking about “the Arby's in her pants”?
A Well, it's just a -- an expression.
Q What is the expression trying to convey?
A It conveys the reason why she got a divorce by her own admission.
Q Because she had roast beef in her pants?
A Yeah.
Q She'd put roast beef in her pants; that's what you're trying to say there? You're literally saying she put Arby's in her pants?
A I'm saying she literally -- it's so ridiculous. I'm saying she literally put Arby's in her pants. Yes.
Q You're not making a slur about her?
A No.
Q You're literally saying she put an Arby's sandwich in her pants; is that right?
A Yes. That's correct. That's correct.
Q Why are you laughing?
A Because I just think it's so funny.
Q What is your basis for saying she put Arby's in her pants?
A I just think it's so funny. I just think it's so funny.
Q What is your basis for saying she put Arby's in her pants?
A She carries roast beef in her pockets.
Q What is your basis for saying she puts roast beef in her pockets and in her pants?
MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. Harassment.
THE WITNESS: Because I know she likes roast beef.
BY MS. BOLGER: Q So what is your basis for saying she had Arby's in her pants?
A Because I know she likes to eat at Arby's.
Q And she likes to put it in her pants; you know that?
A Yeah.
Q She puts Arby's in her pants?
A Yeah. She does.
Q Okay. If I ask Marjorie Taylor Greene, she would tell you that she puts Arby's in her pants?
A I -- it's my best belief that she would tell you that. Yes.
Q Okay. Are you making a derogatory comment about her sex life by talking about Arby's in her pants?
A No. I'm talking about Arby's, the sandwiches. I'm talking about Arby's. I would -- I'm a very direct person. If I was making a derogatory comment, I would have said it
MR. KLAYMAN: All right. Let's take a break.
MS. BOLGER: Actually, I'd like to finish this line of questioning.
THE WITNESS: I just think -- I just think it's so funny.
MR. KLAYMAN: Well, you can finish this exhibit. Go ahead.
MS. BOLGER: I mean, I'd like to finish --
MR. KLAYMAN: If you'd like to deal more with Arby's, you know --
MS. BOLGER: No. I have a couple more questions I'd like to ask in this line.
MR. KLAYMAN: Where's the meat?
So those are the people who are suing Bill Maher for “had a gross opinion” and “hypothesized about other people’s sex lives.”
We wish them all their usual success.
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That she is clearly mentally ill makes me almost feel sorry for Loomer. But my conviction that she would be a shitty human being even if she wasn't mentally ill voids that sale.
(sighs) Yes, I knew there'd be an Animaniacs ref.
Wakko, Yakko and Dot have issued a statement through their attorneys Dewey, Fleecem and Howe, stating that they may be insane but they're nowhere near THIS crazy.